|
Post by otherside on Jul 10, 2016 9:48:13 GMT
...is it normal to not want him to do the same but want him to do the same to help make you feel you weren't to blame? I left my abusive ex in November last year after 3 years of very mental and sometimes physical abuse (the mental stuff has been the most difficult to deal with but I'm in a better place now). We work for the same company but different areas, HR sanctioned him with no contact/no communication at work. He has begun a relationship with a very nice woman he used to work with, 10 years younger (my age), lives with her parents and no children. She is perfect for him as her life will easily be able to revolve around his, the way he likes it. Her not having children may be an issue because he definitely will not want more but that's not my problem lol, my problem is why do I want him to do the same to her? The constant criticism, the manipulative behaviour, the shouting, calling me horrible names and making me feel so inadequate and worthless-I shouldn't want anyone to go through what I went through, especially the level of violence that finally ended things. I know he cannot change; I was warned he was a bully by his ex wife's friends, and I think he was worse with me than her. It's been very hard at work because I feel that mutual colleagues have gossiped and, you know what people are like, judged in that 'did he/didn't he' way that people do. I haven't moved on, I still have confidence issues and haven't met anyone or even tried. So it feels like people will say 'oh look at him, he's so happy now, he's got a lovely woman, she (me) must've either been lying or has issues'. It wasn't like that at all, he was a horrible man to me for no reason other than he's an abusive bully. But I want to be proved right, it's like I'm still being punished knowing he's moved on to his next victim. How do other people cope with this? I know they don't change, what's other people's experiences of watching their abusive exes move on? For me the fact I am safe and free to make my own choices overrides any emotional feelings towards my ex, I left him thinking I still loved him but I don't think I truly did-he was so abusive-I was just very much under his control and eventually phoned the police while cutting every single tie. The police arrested him and put him on police bail for 5 weeks while waiting for phone footage of his last assualt to be analysed (they couldn't charge him cos he deleted the evidence after emailing me to tell me he was watching films of that night). Anyway- how do people cope with knowing he's with someone else who is a good person? Thanks in advance :-)
|
|
|
Post by otherside on Jul 10, 2016 9:54:52 GMT
I should also say, this new gf is the complete opposite to me in looks, she is the same colouring as his ex wife who he abused into dying her hear and wearing heavy eye make up because 'he prefers blondes with blue eyes' (I'm blonde/blue eyes-he always told me that's why he's attracted to). Will this girl be subject to the same behaviour to change her appearance? I feel so bad for her, she really is a nice girl who won't ever cope with his level of abuse.
|
|
karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
|
Post by karen on Jul 10, 2016 12:10:40 GMT
Hi Other...I am Karen. Welcome. Thanks for sharing your story.
It is not easy to cope with the fact that the ex has a new partner. In fact..it hurts a lot. Because what seems to happen is the ABUSER makes a large effort in making sure everyone knows how "happy" he and his new partner are. I was married for 20 years. I left and ended up in another abusive relationship. That guy kicked me out of his house after a year long relationship..he was very abusive. 4 weeks after he kicked me out..he started dating another woman. During our relationship he claimed to love me, wanted to marry me, yada yada.
He is now married to the woman he started dating after me. I spoke to her before she married him and tried to warn her about his abusive ways. She told me once they had broken up..she saw through his crap and yet she really had fallen for him after dating him for 2 months. Very familiar story.
The "new" partner..is hearing many stories about you. She will try her hardest to be better than you, perhaps you did the same. I know I tried to be better than my ex-boyfriends..now ex wife. He painted her to be a terrible person, terrible mother, and it was a tactic to try and get me to be his "ally". He wanted me to side with him..to hate her as well. Well, she and I are now friends.(he recent ex-wife). He cheated on her with me and I called and apologized to her..turns out..she has thanked me TONS for giving her the reason she finally needed to leave the jerk. She is a great lady and she helped me to get over the JERK.
So my reason for telling you all this..is to point out what is going on. Helping to see what your ex is doing..helps us (the survivors) to cope with the new person. To cope with the hurt that this creates. Because we do start to believe.."I must have been the problem..why is he so happy with her and so hurtful towards me? Maybe it was me, maybe i caused him to be abusive?" YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM AND YOU DID NOT CAUSE THE ABUSE.
Your ex wants you to think he is "HAPPY" and with someone who is way better than you. He wants you to think that YOU were the problem in your relationship,..not him. Because if he was the problem..then why is he so successful in this new relationship? Because he is manipulating it to look like everything is ok. Lundy Bancroft has a book called "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men". It is a great resource when understanding abusers. Pick up a copy, it has a chapter referring to the new partner as an "ALLY". What your ex is doing is creating the same dynamic that he created with you. His new partner is falling for it because she is already hooked on him. The abuse has begun and she is caught up in it. She will be miserable..no doubt..it is a matter of time.
ABUSERS don't change. I would bet there are women before you that he has hurt and there will be women after you and after his current partner. Just because he and the new partner are together and may stay together for a long while...doesn't mean he isn't abusing her. My ex..he and his new wife had all these "happy, fun, loving pictures" on social media. 1 year after their marriage..not one picture, he has removed them all. I WOULD BET my last dollar that she is miserable..or just tolerating him. Abusers can only "look happy" for so long. Their true colors come out.
So..long story short..keep breathing, find a way to stay away from him and her. Be prepared..she may reach out to you at some point for help. Even though you may be hurting...remember..as survivors we have all been through hell and back, the worst thing we can do (I think) is to blame the victim..turning her away would be harmful. I reached out to my ex's new partner just before they got married. She treated me horribly. It is very hard for me to turn the other cheek so to speak. Part of me hopes she regrets how she treated me. Part of me..would hope that I would be kind if she did seek me out.
Also..find things to do that help support you..you are a good person, you deserve so much better, so much happiness. Find that happiness..look forward not back. I saw a saying recently..."We cannot enter the next chapter of our life, if we keep re-rereading the last one". So true. Hugs to you Other
|
|
|
Post by otherside on Jul 10, 2016 12:48:33 GMT
Thanks Karen, your words mean a lot :-) I read 'women who love to much' and I think that gave me the strength to not rush into another mistake-I have had people take an interest in me but I have learned massively from the relationship with my ex, I won't ever let myself change to please someone ever again. You're so right about trying to be better than the ex wife - except my ex never criticised her to me even though she left him for someone else. He carries pictures of her until I found them, he told me I was uncomparable to her, and that it would take him 26 years for him to love me as much as he loves her. I stupidly tried so hard to be better, I'm ashamed of myself for that cos I truly believe now that he said those things to hurt me and make me feel inadequate, that's the type of person he is.
The difficult part is that my team know him and his new gf, her brother works in my office. My close team never a and boss know everything - they had to, he was under investigation at work as well as by the police. This is how I know she's a decent person. Plus I think mutual colleagues will also have either warned her or her brother about what he did to me. I know I didn't listen to the warnings so I don't know if she will. I've moved on in so many ways, but still I'm recovering, like I said, I haven't much confidence, and maybe this is why I'm struggling with him meeting someone new and someone who I think is perfectly vulnerable to his ways. It's a risk for him dating someone who our colleagues know and who work with her brother, I imagine that will mentally tax him as he knows what he did to me and he knows he can't control his jealousy and anger. As awful as it sounds, I'm glad he's dating someone because it means for as long as it lasts he'll leave me alone, he has used work to itmidate me hence why he's sanctioned to stay away - he's on a fine line with work because an older woman refused to work under him because she said he was bullying her. Letha k you again, sometimes it helps to hear what I think already know from someone who's been there. I have brilliant friends but because they've never experienced abuse they can only say so much. I only wish there truly was a 'karma' (I don't believe, selfish people seem to always come out right) and that he gets ten fold what he did to me, he's caused scars that people can't see.
|
|
janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185
|
Post by janine on Jul 10, 2016 16:18:40 GMT
Hey Otherside,
Welcome here! I am glad you felt comfortable sharing your experiences with us. First of all let me say what you are feeling is 100% normal. I too hoped my ex would abuse the next girlfriend. Not because I wanted anyone to get hurt- this wasn't about her. I wanted validation that it wasn't me. That he would do that to ANY girl, even the nicest and most harmless and kind and sweet quiet partner. I felt that way because he had blamed me for making him hurt me. I had self doubts and wondered if maybe something was indeed wrong with me.
The friends of his ex had also warned me when I started seeing him and I ignored them. I thought that maybe his ex was just jealous. That was how he presented it anyways and I chose to believe him. The ex and I talked on the phone after I had left him and it turned out he had treated me worse than her as well. I also spoke to a girl he dated shortly after me (I contacted her online after I saw they were no longer friends on Facebook) and she too said he had stalked her, wouldn't accept "No" for an answer and she actually moved to another country for an internship to get away from him because he had flown all the way from Australia to Europe to follow her. Scary stuff.
I would not be surprised if your ex abuses her soon heavily as well - and of course all abusers abuse from day one as their 'good behavior' is only a mask and manipulation to hook you in - and I would also not be surprised if this leads to him being fired.
You did the right thing by staying single and healing and putting yourself first. I made the mistake to rush into two short lived affairs right after leaving my ex including drunk one night stands. It was not a self-compassionate and healthy choice. If I could go back in time I would and I would have stayed single right away for a long long time. I did eventually stay single for one year and went to therapy. One year into no dates whatsoever and not even as much as looking at other men- (I have to say those were some of the happiest days of my life because I finally learned I am ok on my own!) I met my now partner of 6 years by accident.
It took me a loooong time to trust him and 6 years later I can honestly say he is 100% not abusive, safe, kind, and normal....boy normal feels so damn good.
You will have that too and the more time you give yourself to be your own greatest cheerleader the better you will be able to feel when a man is right and healthy. I really like how self-reflective you are and how you said that in a vulnerable state maybe the wrong kind of men feel attracted to that to take advantage of you. That is really how this works. Predators are great at sniffing out people with unmet needs and they sure know how to fake emotions and behavior for just long enough to make you think you met Mr. Right.
You might like the book "jerk radar" by steve mccrea. steve posts here as well and I am '24 anonymous' in his book and share some of my own experiences. The book is about spotting abusers before you end up agreeing to be in a relationship with them. 'why does he do that' by lundy bancroft is also great.
You did everything right. He is abusive. He will never change but he will be able to make it look like for a while as if he only needed to find the right girl. Eventually she will realize she is being abuse and she will experience abuse.
You are safe now. Keep doing what you are doing. You are taking such good care of yourself!
|
|
|
Post by Marilyn on Jul 10, 2016 16:24:45 GMT
Brilliant reply Karen and hello otherside :-)
Karen said: Your ex wants you to think he is "HAPPY" and with someone who is way better than you. He wants you to think that YOU were the problem in your relationship,..not him. Because if he was the problem..then why is he so successful in this new relationship?
My 'ex' didn't get himself a new girlfriend or mistress, he used my daughter (our daughter) to massage his ego instead. She estranged herself from me as a result. Because she agreed with him about everything and considered him the perfect parent he too decided he must not only be right about everything, but perfect as opposed to me of course. What Karen wrote in those few sentences hit the nail right on the head.
And I can so empathise with you needing him to fall flat on his face. I rather wish my husband would!!!
PS. Lundy Bancroft's book (mentioned by Karen) is brilliant and really opened my eyes.
|
|
|
Post by otherside on Jul 11, 2016 16:03:35 GMT
Thanks for your replies :-) this forum is the only place I can go to for people who truly understand. The weird thing is that the longer I stay single the more determined I am to never let someone do that to me again. When I was with him he thrived on parading me around like a doll infront of his ex wife, I felt so uncomfortable but he'd insist on going to the same parties she was at. At one I was sober and she was drunk and she wanted to talk to me, I'd been seeing him about 3 months. She told me that night I'd be ok cos I've got blue eyes and blonde hair (red flag) and that he's a d@ckhead but she still loved him. I was upset cos he'd left me to talk to her and he blamed me for giving her the time of day, I just didn't want any problems with her cos of the grown up kids n would rather we got along, I was so naive looking back. I think the thing that hurts most of all is that perhaps he is 'loved' again, he has company and someone to meet his needs - he damaged me emotionally so bad that I can't even dare to think about trusting someone else. I've had councilling and I'm not a daft person, I knew he was a abusing me and have addressed the reasons why I stayed. I just don't want him to be happy lol, I know people like him are never happy, abuse and control are what drives them but they're never happy. It's just hard working alongside his old colleagues and knowing they're judging, I guess really it's him they're judging because they will get to know me and know I'm a good person. Anyway, thank you for your words, it's shocking how these people cause so much damage but go on and on doing it again and again.
|
|
karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
|
Post by karen on Jul 11, 2016 22:59:45 GMT
Hey Other..I am glad you can come here..it really is a great forum for support and understanding. Please keep talking to us!
I know that feeling of "knowing in my head",,but my "heart is feeling something else". The very last thing on this earth that I want is for my ex-abusive boyfriend to even have a glimpse of happiness. Believe me..your ex's new gf will not meet his needs. NO ONE is capable of meeting his needs because he is a JERK and selfish and any other word you want to apply. AND remember..his new girlfriend has fallen into the same trap you did. He is loved..perhaps..but what she is "loving" is fake. It is not real. The kind of guy your ex is..his true colors will come out. AND she will see it eventually. One thing that helped me during this whole healing journey..it really figuring out what it was that I loved. I realized that I didn't "LOVE" much. Because when I figured out what he really was..the kind of person he really was? I didn't love him. The guy I "loved" wasn't real. The ex was/is a liar, a gameplayer, mean, hurtful on purpose, nasty and name calling, really could care less if I was hurting or anyone else for that matter, he didn't love my family, he wanted me away from them...and the list goes on. THIS IS NOT the kind of guy I want in my life.
I know you are scared of a new relationship. I agree with Janine..it is not easy to move on. I have been with my new guy for almost 16 months..I love him, I trust him, but there are days when I am waiting for him to turn on me. He hasn't. I had some issues with him when we first started dating. I told him what I had issue with and he has made strides to change it and never has he called me a name, or gotten angry at me for having a concern..he isn't always happy about my concerns..but he listens and he addresses it in a positive way. Is he perfect? No. But neither am I. There are no eggshells to walk on, there are no mind games, he teases me at times..but not in a way to hurt me..he just likes to play. So..take your time, there is someone out there for you. I never expected to meet my boyfriend. I am not sure if he and I will ever get married. BUT I don't have to worry about that. For now..I am just enjoying being with him and having him in my life. I am focused on NOW.
Take one day at a time. You will know when you are ready. It takes time..don't push yourself.
|
|
|
Post by otherside on Jul 12, 2016 21:08:42 GMT
Thanks Karen, you're absolutely right, the person I thought I loved wasn't real-he knew exactly the right way to manipulate me to get what he wanted and then he would start again when he had me back, the real him is a horrible, nasty man - but the keep it so well hidden from the outside world. I was saying to my friend today how I wonder if he's started tutting when she's washed the pots or not cleaned the sink out after brushing her teeth? Has he started giving her lessons on how to hang the washing out properly? That's how it started with me, and crumbs, even eating a biscuit (if I dared eating something bad for me infront of him) was traumatic incase I made any crumbs. Then it progressed to worse. That's the real man, and I know deep down that man can't control himself, but is very good at controlling other people. I don't know if I could even tell a new man in my life what I went through, I'm so ashamed of how I let him nearly destroy me. It's so lovely to hear if you all going on to be with other people, I do hope one day I can get the confidence back to want to be with someone again, I miss having someone to share life with :-) thanks again for all your kind words, it really does help that there are people like you all out there that go through this and come out smiling again :-)
|
|
karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
|
Post by karen on Jul 13, 2016 3:35:54 GMT
Hey other..I hope you find a person to share your life with when you are ready. One thing I did is get off dating websites. THEY are traps for attracting and finding abusive men. Once I did that...I learned a few things.
I decided that I was going to meet people the old fashioned way..like actually face to face. I found a local website called "meetups.com". It was a large website that listed many activities that happened in my area. I loved to hike..so there was a list of hikes planned on different dates, times, levels of skill. AND I signed up and went and met knew people. We hiked and talked and shared life topics. I also love to play backgammon..I found a group of people who met at a local restaurant to play..so I joined them. I learned how to play better and I met a few nice people. It was something to do and I had fun. I also liked to dance..so I went to a dance one night..they teach the dances beforehand, then a band plays and everyone changes partners..so I got to meet a few nice people there. The last dance I went to..I went alone..but knew a few people who went to the dances on a regular basis and that is where I met my guy. He had never been before and was taking the lesson like me and I was drawn to him. We started dating and fell in love (after several months of me testing him to make sure he was ok) and we are very happy.
I wanted to just meet people. They have groups for so many things like board games..(monopoly or scrabble), they have card nights, and scrapbooking, and movie nights and Bible Studies..all kinds of activities. They had one for writing ...actually therapeutic writing and it so helped me to heal. I loved this class and learned so much. My guy went with me and he loved it. So you never know who you may make friends with.
I too was worried that my guy would judge me for being in not one but 2 abusive relationships. Turns out..he understood completely and he thought it was so wrong for a guy to treat a girl the way the abusers treated me. SO WRONG..and he supports me in all the emotions I still have at times. I support him as well..he has had some issues in life too that have been hurtful and very challenging for him. I was pleasantly surprised how well he and I fit together...all from just dancing together.
So take it slow. Perhaps just look for a friend. I never shared my story with anyone except my guy...all the people I met, I never shared. And it is ok. You will know when it is right. Listen to your gut..it will lead you down a good path.
You mentioned the "dishes"..my ex abuser would get so angry if I clanged the dishes together when I was putting them in the dishwasher...he then got angry if I tried "not" to clang them together. When I wanted to tick him off..I did it on purpose. It amazed me all the stupid stuff that set him off. My ex-husband was similar. Don't miss either of them. Feel sorry for their partners..everyday is a good day away from them!
Hugs to you...you will get there, be patient with yourself and celebrate the good right now. Being away from him..that is so good!
|
|
|
Post by otherside on Jul 14, 2016 21:12:20 GMT
Can't believe I'm writing this. Today was his first day in his new office away from his old team who are now in my office ( because he was sanctioned with not contacting me at work HR will not allow him to work in my office, he was also bullying a woman on his team and can't work with her anymore). Walked into my office this morning, chatted to a few people on way to my desk, my colleague came straight up to me and asked if I was ok, I said I was good, but he was really concerned. Turns out my ex was sat talking to an ex team colleage 3 desks away, stayed and watched me for ten minutes then left. I was totally oblivious. What's he playing at? I told my boss straight away, but the weird thing is, how little it bothered me? Does he think he can still intimidate me? Does he think work will allow him to do that? Is he that twisted he'll risk his career? I don't understand why he did this - it's 9 months to the day he assaulted me, and I've never seen him since, only for a few seconds and at a distance. Hopefully this is just a one off- I sincerely hope this isn't a new level he's trying to impose because work won't tolerate it and neither will I!
|
|
karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
|
Post by karen on Jul 15, 2016 11:45:57 GMT
Hi Other..Wow..he is bold isn't he? Not sure what his goal is, but my first thought is keep a record of what he does at work in reference to being near you. Take a picture if you feel the need. What this is doing is gathering evidence or proof of him 'pushing the boundary". He is getting just close enough to hopefully get a reaction from you, but not so he is breaking the rule. BUT honestly..record him. Gather "evidence". You may have to use it someday if he continues to push the limit or even cross it just a bit. Try not to get into a confrontation with him. That may be what he wants...he wants you to react..it gives him the attention he wants. Also..if he is trying to get you to react to him..he will make it look like you are the crazy one by getting upset with him. Then he has proof of you being nutty and hysterical. My ex husband was really good at getting me to scream at him..I would try not to react but he would infuriate me with his crap. It was all a game. I recorded him and told him I was doing it and he stopped.
So perhaps just keep track. You want to be able to back-up what you are saying if it comes to a point where he doesn't stop. I would also bet you he knew it was "9 months to the day". Perhaps may be why he did it then. My ex-boyfriend "poked" himself back into my life on the day that he and I broke up 1 year later. I believe he did it just to rattle me..just to say "I am still here and I can still bother you". It is sick, annoying and crazy..but again, they want a reaction, they want to know that they can still control us, They want to know that you still think of them..I believe my ex wanted that. He didn't get what he wanted.
You sound like you are doing so good! Keep going Other..stay no contact as it works. BUT go to HR if you need to and give them the proof if needed..it sends a clear message to him..that you are not going to play this game.
|
|
janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185
|
Post by janine on Jul 15, 2016 14:08:45 GMT
My gut tells me he will lose his job soon and leave that company for good. Abusers don't respect women or the law or anyone. They truly feel they are smarter than everyone else and can do what they want.
You told your boss and could put it in writing via email to you boss too (maybe a follow-up email to document it - something like "I would like to thank you for taking the time to meet with me today to discuss that (name of your ex) violated the agreement that he would not approach me within 100m at work."
If you have a restraining order on him you can also call the police next time he dares to come close to your office but for now it sounds like your boss is informed and you did all the right things.
Well done!!
|
|
|
Post by marina on Jul 15, 2016 19:30:26 GMT
Hi otherside, it really look like he is challenging you. I have been in a similar situation.. i think he hopes that you'll go to talk to him asking him why he is behaving like that.. It looks like my ex: he was like he didn't care anymore about any consequences, he was even violent in the work place, he was sending me text where he was admitting he was being violent.. As The other girls said please record every episode, made aware of your worries your colleagues and be careful and safe going and coming back from the office.
|
|
|
Post by Jellybean on Oct 18, 2016 9:04:07 GMT
I know I'm a bit late joining the party but I'm so pleased I found this and hope someone replies 😬 My abusive ex has tried so hard to rub in my face he's happy and changed and met the girl of his dreams (she's now pregnant) But they've just moved up the road from me so I start everyday being reminded of him I feel v mixed emotions of jealousy, hate, anger, miss him.. we have a child together that doesn't want contact with him because he thinks he's a bit weird and scary. I battle with thoughts of has he REALLY changed?? Is she this amazing girl who has stood by his crazy crime committing ways and turned him around? Why have they moved so close to me? I'm currently dating a nice guy, we have mutual friends. But I literally feel zilch, I'm worried I've become some sort of emotional robot who still longs for that intense crazed obsessive lust/love I felt with my abusive ex. It's like I want those feelings but without the crazy guy. Not sure I'll ever be able to love again as I have such a distorted view of it. Plus is it weird the thought of my ex and his new gf being intimate makes me feel sick. This is all after 7 years of being apart!!
|
|
karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
|
Post by karen on Oct 18, 2016 22:22:01 GMT
Hi Jellybean, welcome! To address your thoughts.."has he really changed?" My answer is I SERIOUSLY DOUBT it. If you read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft..there is a chapter in his book about ABUSERS and what it takes for them to change. Lundy states that less than 1% of abusers change. There is also a chapter about the new girlfriend/wife. Think about how this guy hooked you. He has done the same thing to this new girl. IF you tried incredibly hard to be better than his last relationship prior to you..then think what this girl is probably doing to try and be better than you...he has probably painted you in a very bad light and she is doing her best to LOVE HIM the most. She hasn't changed him..the only thing that has changed is that he found another "victim". She too has become hooked and I would bet you she is miserable. MY ex-boyfriend dumped me out of his life (to punish me) and met another woman 4 weeks later. I was able to warn her..she dumped him 2 months later and then went back to him and they married 9 months after he and I broke up. He also had only been divorced from his wife for 8 weeks. (he cheated on her with me..I had know idea what a really nice person she is..but I tried my best to be better than her).
I also suspect his new girlfriend is now "trapped" with him as she is pregnant. It takes time to find love again. Those feelings you speak of lust and love? Real love..isn't about fairy tales like we see in the movies. I too am with a great guy..he loves me in what I consider to be a very "real" way. He didn't sweep me off my feet, he did NOT want to marry me after 2 months of dating, he never tells me what to do, he doesn't call me names, and he is sweet and genuine and we are taking our time getting to know each other. My ex-boyfriend..he claimed to love me before he even met me. He was "prince charming" and I fell for him like crazy. He proceeded to abuse me often and to the point of me thinking I was crazy.
So..you will find love again. The question is..what do you want that love to look like. It takes time to figure that out.
|
|
|
Post by otherside on Oct 19, 2016 21:49:33 GMT
I've just seen these last two comments, absolutely agree with the love/lust think - it's part of the cycle of abuse. I've been single nearly a year now, and I have learned so much about myself and why I stayed. I will never ever let someone hurt me so badly again. It's funny isn't it, because I think the reason by these horrible people seek a relationship so soon is that a) they have to prove to the world they aren't a 'bad' person and b) they have to have someone to dominate. I'm actually so glad my ex is with someone because hopefully he will now stay away from me forever. I know I couldn't give my love away so freely and so quickly.
|
|
karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
|
Post by karen on Oct 20, 2016 2:51:59 GMT
Hey Other..you are right..they hook up on someone else so fast to prove that they were not the problem..and yes they have to have someone to control. It also sends a message of "see, of course I am lovable, I found some one else so fast and you didn't". I truly believe my ex-boyfriend found someone so fast because he wanted to prove what a great "catch" he is..and that it is my loss that I didn't go back to him. IF HE ONLY KNEW HOW HAPPY I AM AWAY FROM HIM..don't miss him at all. It's a great feeling to be out on a beautiful day and realize how lucky we are to be free!
|
|
|
Post by otherside on Oct 20, 2016 7:16:30 GMT
Karen, everyday through this horrible year I've consoled myself with that same fact - I'm free. That makes me feel alive again :-)
|
|
karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
|
Post by karen on Oct 22, 2016 0:50:09 GMT
FREE is a great word! One of my favorite 4 letter ones! I remember when I finally realized being "free" was a good thing. I was in MY BED..eating food that I WANTED to EAT..I drove MY CAR to a place I loved just because I WANTED TO! I ate what I wanted, when I wanted it and watched ANY TV SHOW I WANTED..I went to bed WHEN I WANTED..I got up when I WANTED..everything I did was because I chose to do it. AND IT WAS GREAT! I was free to go where I wanted, when I wanted and with whom I wanted. THERE is no better a feeling than to have that freedom.
Celebrate those JOYS..I would treat myself every now and then just because I COULD IF I WANTED TO..I didn't have to consult with anyone else. NO MORE WALKING on EGGSHELLS..that was very freeing. So..celebrate those feelings of being free. I have come to love them so much that I will never let anyone possibly take my freedoms away again.
|
|