Post by Rory on Sept 17, 2014 0:32:51 GMT
I think she's in an abusive relationship. She's 19, in her second year of college, and she shares a house with a female friend who she went to high school with, though the friend is a few years older. They've been friends for a few years, but I noticed that they had gotten a lot closer during my daughter's senior year. So I've met the girl several times, and she seemed very nice, just quiet. I have suspected that my daughter is gay since she was about 13, but she hasn't said anything, and I haven't outright asked. I thought she'd tell me when she was ready. She dated a few different boys in high school, and she seemed happy.
My worries about her and this friend began in May of last year, shortly after my daughter moved out. They were in a car accident. The friend was driving and lost control of the car. She hit a tree on the passenger's side, where my daughter was sitting. She had a fractured humerus and several broken ribs. On the way to the hospital, her lung collapsed. By the time I got there, she'd had surgery and was in the ICU, but the doctors said she would be okay. The next morning, she was moved into a regular room. When I came to visit her that day, her friend was there. They were both crying, and the friend kept saying, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me." I thought it was odd she said don't leave me, because the doctors had said she was fine. That was all I could think of at the time, that her friend was telling her not to die. It didn't hit me what she may have actually meant until much later. It was a long recovery for her. Her whole side looked like a giant bruise. After she was released from the hospital, I asked her to come back home, it was summer, and she'd have time to rest and heal. But she said no, she wanted to stay where she was. Before I went back home, her friend said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of her." A few months later, I saw a very dark, almost black, bruise on her back. She said she slipped on the stairs and landed on her back. It didn't seem right, but I didn't want her to think I was behind an overprotective mom (she's always been very independent), so I put the thought out of my mind. I have asked her several times if there is something more going on than what she is telling me, but she gets annoyed and denies it. I've seen her with other bruises, a bump on her head, which she blamed on the freezer door, scratches on her arms too wide and too far apart to have come from their cat, even a welt on her stomach, like from a belt! She missed Christmas last year because she had to work, and Easter because she had too much studying to do. Sometimes when she calls, I can tell she's been crying or that she's upset, but she'll deny it.
I had my three older kids very young (16 with my oldest), and I was in an abusive relationship and marriage myself for several years. But my 19- year old was just a baby when I got out, so she didn't witness anything. She was also always the feisty one. I always thought she was the one I wouldn't have to worry about. She's grown up with an amazing stepfather. I don't understand why she'd tolerate being treated this way. For me, I tolerated it because I had children with him, and my mother taught me that if you make your bed, then you lie in it. She's still married to a man who treats her like crap and who "raised" us with a belt in one hand, it seemed like. But I taught my girls different. Or I thought I did. I realize that I could be wrong, that maybe nothing is going on. I hope that's the case! I just know that my daughter played soccer, softball and cross country in high school and she never had injuries like I've seen on her! She's never been a crier, or prone to depression. Holidays have always been a big deal to us, and she could have just as well studied at home over spring break, but she stayed back.
Am I being paranoid here? I would think having been in an abusive relationship myself, I wouldn't question myself so much, but I still do.
My worries about her and this friend began in May of last year, shortly after my daughter moved out. They were in a car accident. The friend was driving and lost control of the car. She hit a tree on the passenger's side, where my daughter was sitting. She had a fractured humerus and several broken ribs. On the way to the hospital, her lung collapsed. By the time I got there, she'd had surgery and was in the ICU, but the doctors said she would be okay. The next morning, she was moved into a regular room. When I came to visit her that day, her friend was there. They were both crying, and the friend kept saying, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me." I thought it was odd she said don't leave me, because the doctors had said she was fine. That was all I could think of at the time, that her friend was telling her not to die. It didn't hit me what she may have actually meant until much later. It was a long recovery for her. Her whole side looked like a giant bruise. After she was released from the hospital, I asked her to come back home, it was summer, and she'd have time to rest and heal. But she said no, she wanted to stay where she was. Before I went back home, her friend said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of her." A few months later, I saw a very dark, almost black, bruise on her back. She said she slipped on the stairs and landed on her back. It didn't seem right, but I didn't want her to think I was behind an overprotective mom (she's always been very independent), so I put the thought out of my mind. I have asked her several times if there is something more going on than what she is telling me, but she gets annoyed and denies it. I've seen her with other bruises, a bump on her head, which she blamed on the freezer door, scratches on her arms too wide and too far apart to have come from their cat, even a welt on her stomach, like from a belt! She missed Christmas last year because she had to work, and Easter because she had too much studying to do. Sometimes when she calls, I can tell she's been crying or that she's upset, but she'll deny it.
I had my three older kids very young (16 with my oldest), and I was in an abusive relationship and marriage myself for several years. But my 19- year old was just a baby when I got out, so she didn't witness anything. She was also always the feisty one. I always thought she was the one I wouldn't have to worry about. She's grown up with an amazing stepfather. I don't understand why she'd tolerate being treated this way. For me, I tolerated it because I had children with him, and my mother taught me that if you make your bed, then you lie in it. She's still married to a man who treats her like crap and who "raised" us with a belt in one hand, it seemed like. But I taught my girls different. Or I thought I did. I realize that I could be wrong, that maybe nothing is going on. I hope that's the case! I just know that my daughter played soccer, softball and cross country in high school and she never had injuries like I've seen on her! She's never been a crier, or prone to depression. Holidays have always been a big deal to us, and she could have just as well studied at home over spring break, but she stayed back.
Am I being paranoid here? I would think having been in an abusive relationship myself, I wouldn't question myself so much, but I still do.