Post by crystal on Jan 10, 2014 22:15:23 GMT
I feel quite lonely after my abusive relationship ended by me divorcing him in 2006. I stayed in the house all the time apart from going to work. I was too scared to interact with people in case something happened and my trust in men had been shattered so I was fine in my flat not going out staying safe in my own little bubble of life - no newspapers virtually unaware of life outside my little world trying to keep me safe.
I went out one night in 2010 in a works night out and was assaulted. The Police were very nice but he was never found. I had to go through a lot because of this but find it dificult to say. Psych told me its common for trauma victims (I am a survivor I think) to re-traumatise themselves by getting into situations. Initially I just thouht my abuser raped repeatedly (domestic abuse had to point the rape point out to me as I just thought him holding me down and forcing himself on me was his right especialy when we got married) me so this was just another assault but its haunting me all the time.
I met my old neighbour today who I have been friends with since we met in hospital a few years ago and her last words to me were that I was so strong - she knows J abused me but doesn't know any details etc.
I think though for anyone reading this still in the abuse you will begin to figure out what he was doing and why, you just have to be out for this to happen because when you are in the middle of it you are walking on egg shells in case he kicks off and often you don't realise how dangerous he is at the time as safety becomes your first priority and you can become so bonded to him you like the nice part of him and think everything is ok but the dark side comes out.
Anyway I am so so lonely, but happy to be out of the abuse and feel I can continue to moving on, as I have moved along a lot since I first posted on this site.
I went out one night in 2010 in a works night out and was assaulted. The Police were very nice but he was never found. I had to go through a lot because of this but find it dificult to say. Psych told me its common for trauma victims (I am a survivor I think) to re-traumatise themselves by getting into situations. Initially I just thouht my abuser raped repeatedly (domestic abuse had to point the rape point out to me as I just thought him holding me down and forcing himself on me was his right especialy when we got married) me so this was just another assault but its haunting me all the time.
I met my old neighbour today who I have been friends with since we met in hospital a few years ago and her last words to me were that I was so strong - she knows J abused me but doesn't know any details etc.
I think though for anyone reading this still in the abuse you will begin to figure out what he was doing and why, you just have to be out for this to happen because when you are in the middle of it you are walking on egg shells in case he kicks off and often you don't realise how dangerous he is at the time as safety becomes your first priority and you can become so bonded to him you like the nice part of him and think everything is ok but the dark side comes out.
Anyway I am so so lonely, but happy to be out of the abuse and feel I can continue to moving on, as I have moved along a lot since I first posted on this site.