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Lonely
Nov 1, 2014 17:06:47 GMT
Post by crystal on Nov 1, 2014 17:06:47 GMT
Feel a bit bad posting this and needy but I just feel alone tonight. I usually spend weekends with my family and on Saturdays my nieces are there, but tonight my parents have friends and family round and there is a chance my bedroom will be used so I am in my flat alone. It feels wierd. I have treated myself to a steak to cook in a bit and went shopping for other groceries even though I was a bit nervous of going out. I have some nice TV to watch and I could read my book on my Kindle I am reading. There are noises coming from the flat next door in their kitchen and its unnerving me a bit, not sure why. I will see family tomorrow. Sometimes I like to be on my own but tonight it just feels wierd, maybe because I haven't been on my own for so long.
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Lonely
Nov 1, 2014 19:52:39 GMT
Post by confusedandhurt on Nov 1, 2014 19:52:39 GMT
Hi Dianem, I hear you, tonight is especially bad because everyone seems to be out celebrating halloween tonight. I take comfort in the fact that I get to choose what I eat, when I eat, what to watch on tv, I can read if I so choose, I can even have a glass of wine. In my life with my ex none of that would have been possible. Try to think of the positive things, what is it that you are free to do tonight that you wouldn't have been able to do, how would your evening have looked if you were with your abuser? It's just one night, stay strong.
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Lonely
Nov 1, 2014 20:48:04 GMT
Post by crystal on Nov 1, 2014 20:48:04 GMT
Hi thank you for your reply and support. Guess if I was with my abuser he would be sleeping on the sofa in drunken supor, life actually looking back was so boring with him so glad I am out of that!
I have listened to a couple of songs on my computer one I used to listen out in Dubai when we were living there over and over again, it didn't upset me so much tonight. Then went on to Rhianna - If I Never See Your Face Again - I once had a bad night and on way to work the next day that came up on my ipod shuffle and it helped me.
I totally get you about what you get to eat, my ex controlled all my food to the stage I would sit and wait for him to come home and decide what we were eating. I got the job of clearing up and washing of course.
Thank you
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janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185
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Lonely
Nov 2, 2014 0:01:45 GMT
Post by janine on Nov 2, 2014 0:01:45 GMT
We are always here if you have a low moment. After all...that IS what forums like ours are there for!!! I remember MANY nights years ago I would choose to stay home (actually the very first christmas after having left my ex I got myself a NICE steak, some good dessert and celebrated christmas eve all alone at home by myself. I had invitations to social things but....even though it was odd first, it also felt very, very good....after I got used to the silence and new sensations, i really enjoyed myself that night and have fond memories of christmas eve by myself ) Also, I usually feel less lonely in the morning- maybe you can relate to that feeling. There is something very depressing about late evenings when it is dark and Sundays...why I don't know. But back in my home country everyone knows an expression that describes the 'sunday depression'. You are not alone with your feelings- and I am so proud that you feel strong and reach out in those moments. Those are really the moments when we go beyond our comfort zone and hold out a hand and say: "Hey, I am not really ok right now...and I need you." THAT is strength!!! It is also a huge sign you love yourself and care about yourself. Way to go diane!
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Lonely
Nov 2, 2014 1:02:12 GMT
Post by crystal on Nov 2, 2014 1:02:12 GMT
Thank you Janine
I remember the first New Year after we split up, my family went out for a meal and I stayed at home with pains in my chest and I just remember the so so so lonely feeling about that first New Year.
I know I am going to be fine and if my story helps others I will feel so good because to share what we have been through is so important but also you just have to post what is right for you.
My ex had a heart problem and he did play on it in hospital to me really bad to the extent the nurses were concerned about me?? I need to sleep just now, but I could say much more.
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Lonely
Nov 2, 2014 3:47:56 GMT
Post by karen on Nov 2, 2014 3:47:56 GMT
Hi Dianem..i feel the same way some nights..I miss the nice part of my ex..feel lonely..not having someone to laugh with and smile with..it is times like this when i begin to think maybe it wasn't so bad. Then I cry a little and miss him more, then I get angry and remember the bad stuff. I too like that I can watch anything on tv that I choose, I can come and go whenever I want, I don't have to answer what time a will be home; and I don't feel like I have to rush home because I know he is waiting. I love my freedom..but that doesn't take away that lonely feeling. I spent the evening with my parents which was nice and went to see a play called "Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde"..wow..very interesting..now I really get where that saying comes from. My daughter is on the crew. I love that I have time for her..my ex didn't always support her being in my life. It is also a change and a loss that we are experiencing..that too contributes to the feeling of loneliness, thanks for sharing..it is nice to know I am not the only one feeling this..makes me feel not so alone:)
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Lonely
Nov 2, 2014 18:36:13 GMT
Post by confusedandhurt on Nov 2, 2014 18:36:13 GMT
My ex hated me spending any time with my children. I realise now that I'm free, just how badly this affected my relationship with them. I used to cut their phone calls short, grumble about giving lifts as I knew he would sulk because I was not focusing on him for that short space of time. My children, albeit in their twenties, went to live with their dad, my eldest became anorexic and my youngest suffered with anxiety. I realised today how much my relationship with my children has improved since I left him, I missed out on so much because I put him first, I had to. I flip between missing him, feeling sad, lonely, and then I remember something and anger takes over. Loneliness is hard, but living on eggshells and also feeling lonely at the same time is harder. Hugs to you
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Lonely
Nov 2, 2014 19:31:01 GMT
Post by crystal on Nov 2, 2014 19:31:01 GMT
Thank you Karen and confusedandhurt. Yes, there is always a nice part of them but like confusedandhurt said you are literally living on eggshells waiting for the bad side to come out. For me I think that was why it took me so long to admit how bad the abuse was as I was constantly watching my back to make sure I was safe from his horrible comments and fists. Yes Karen I definitely get the connection with the title of the play you went to see its exactly what they are like.
We just all have to let go of the blame and be good to ourselves!!
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