He proved he is abusive..so satisfying and sad too

I did it...I said all that I had to say to my Ex-boyfriend. I wanted to have my say and confront him about how hurtful he has been. I told him I had to return a jacket of his that I still had..then I told him to look up "abusive personality disorder" and boy..did I hit the nail on the head. I was scared to death at first..then my anger kicked in and my decision to not be a victim anymore kicked in. We were texting..so not face to face. He said "Stay the fXXk away from me and my house..you manipulated me from almost day one. You're just pissed that I called you on it". He went on to say "and bring everything you have of mine so you don't have to nickel and dime return things over the next 3 months..mrs non-manipulator". I confronted his lying, manipulating me, scheming and how he wouldn't know love if it hit him in the face. I told him I wasn't afraid of him and that he couldn't hurt me anymore. That he only knows how to hate, and hating me now is easy because that is the only way he knows how to be. I told him he couldn't control me anymore. He said "Waiting til after sex to ask me things you thought I might say no to is not manipulative"? "It is in my book". "You wanted to stockpile relationship time so that you could then use THAT as a reason to stay together. I hurt you because you are a stubborn person who won't take no for an answer and who wouldn't hear what I was saying any other way." I told him "hurting someone you love on purpose is not love, and making it like they deserved it..not love in my book".  He went on to say "you expected me to put all the financial concerns I had about you off to the side and proceed with faith that they would work themselves out, I would never do that. And now of course there are many other things I don't like about you so that even if the money were resolved, it wouldn't matter to me".

I have debt and he truly believed that I was only with him to take his money..I wasn't. I wanted his heart..something he couldn't give. He called me "financially toxic" and told me I wasn't rich enough or financially stable enough to be with him. I went on to continue to tell him he is abusive. He said "You wouldn't understand that I didn't want the relationship anymore, so I ended it badly, the only way you would allow it to end. You look it up, it happens everyday". One of the last conversations we had..after I had moved out.. I saw him and he said "we will get through this, sell your house and get your divorce, then we will look at rings". He also went on to tell me today that he hasn't wanted this relationship since February. With each "worry" and arguement he would tell me to get out, then apologize, tell me he still loved me, and continue to act as though he really did love me with kind words, affection..etc, we made love, kissed,  hugged, then the cycle would start again. I told him I was sure he hurt other women before me. He didn't respond. He stopped responding after I told him he lied to me, hurt me, and confused me to no end. Didn't matter.

I figured out why I needed to say these things to him. I wanted a response...I wanted him to admit to his flaws, that it wasn't me but him, and that he would always care about me. I wanted him to wish me well going forward. I wanted to know that it wasn't all a HUGE lie..all that he said to me. I am coming to the conclusion that what I seek, will probably never be provided to me. That is a tough pill to swallow...to me any decent person would be nice and part ways civilly. He isn't decent...abusers are not. It is time to read "why he does that"..by Mr. Bancroft. I want to understand what causes someone to have such hate in their heart. I am also learning why I gravitate towards men who are very controlling.. did some soul searching, which has  shown me that I have dated men, married one, and was raised one who are very controlling. 

Just had to share..I know no contact is best...but it felt awfully good to get it off my chest!