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Post by crystal on Oct 8, 2014 22:32:00 GMT
I don't know what to say, I just feel bad, flashbacks and feel I am going mad with them.
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Post by red87 on Oct 8, 2014 23:38:49 GMT
Hi this is the first of been on here so don't no how this works
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janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185 
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Post by janine on Oct 9, 2014 15:05:18 GMT
Hey dianem,
It is great to hear from you!
It sounds like you are having a difficult time right now.
Are you still seeing your counselor? I believe you mentioned you had found one and went there.
How is that going?
Hang in there and don't forget you matter. Your family and friends are there for you, and there is help out there.
Call a hotline again if you feel like falling too far into the dark hole.
There are many, many people who care deeply about you and how you are feeling.
Let us know how we can help
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Post by moonmaiden on Oct 13, 2014 22:17:45 GMT
Hi Diane,
The only way I found to help me cope with flashbacks was to keep in mind the whole time that it is exactly that, a flashback, it has no power over me and cannot harm me. I found that the more I kept this in mind and accepted the flashbacks the less panic attacks I had when one cropped up. Also I really believe that flashbacks are a necessary part of the healing process... traumatic stuff is easier to bear if we push it down and try not to think about it but the reality is that this will only work short term. You will get to a point in your life where these memories will come back up so that you have the chance to work through these and try to let go. Not that easy I know..
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Post by crystal on Oct 15, 2014 11:02:42 GMT
Hi Janine and moonmaiden - thank you for your support. I keep telling myself the flashbacks have no power over me anymore. I am not the person who was in the abuse and forced to do what I did. They are a bit better just now - think I have been triggered by a lot of stuff on TV lately, it just seemed to be all over the place!
I don't see a counsellor. I had a CPN but not seen her for ages and don't see my psych until end of October but I have been moving further away from the hospital which is a good sign and my GP told me last week that I should be really pleased with myself as I have been on tablet reductions and managing them fine. A bit emotional at times but guess that is only to be expected.
Things are kind of hard. I left my job in July and am looking for another one. I went for an interview today and I really really want this job. He said I have all the right experience and I will know on Friday as he has one more person to see. I have an interview again on Friday morning but the one today I really want!!
At times I feel I will never move totally away from the DV I went through, but maybe that is normal given the level of abuse. One of my friends keeps telling me I need to find a man but the idea just sends shivers down my spine as I just can't trust another one.
But there are a lot of good things in my life and I just keep reminding myself of that. My sister and I are taking my 9 year old niece out to buy clothes with the birthday money she got last week and out for dinner so looking forward to that loads.
Mum has been diagnosed with early stage emphysema so quite worried about her at the moment.
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Post by karen on Oct 15, 2014 21:03:43 GMT
Hi Dianem..all I can say is keep going..taking one hour at a time may be the pace that is helpful. I agree..I don't know if it ever completely goes away..I am only a 6 weeks out from the break-up with my ex..some days I think I am doing really well, then something triggers it and I feel like I haven't made any progress. One thing that I am thinking of doing is finding some new interests..I have always loved to hike and in my area there are hiking clubs that one can join and do what I love. I have no desire to meet another man right now and I have a childhood friend who is a guy and he is helping me sort through all this,..he would never hurt me..but I am not trusting anyone..doesn't matter who they are. It doesn't feel right yet. I hope it does someday..but that is one thing I am not going to force. AND the idea of dealing with someone's mood swings, or what THEY want to do, or what THEY want to eat, or what movie THEY want to watch, nope..not happening right now. I don't want to care what anyone else wants (man wise). It isn't time for that.
I am also trying to make a "to do" list and stick to my list everyday. It distracts me and keeps my thoughts away from my ex. I am not too successful with this, but I am trying. I have a job and am busy everyday..but I daydream a lot and that is not good, but we have all been through some pretty horrific stuff..we need to let ourselves grieve and heal. How much time is unknown..I can't look that far ahead..I only look from morning to evening and if I get through that, then I feel good. I also try very hard to have something each day to look forward to..like watching my favorite TV show in the evening...one thing I never felt comfortable doing as my ex always wanted to watch his stuff..he would watch my show for 10 minutes..then get up and leave the room..after telling me "go ahead watch whatever you want". I could, but if he didn't like it, then he would leave and I wouldn't get to be with him which is what I wanted. It was subtle..but I can't tell you Now how much I love watching what I WANT TO WATCH.. it is my TV and that is that..Very freeing!.
We are here..even if it is just coming back everyday for a quick "you are a good person" pep talk..please come..we are here!
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Post by crystal on Oct 16, 2014 14:38:18 GMT
Hi Kann thank you for your supportive reply, it means a lot.
Last night I e-mailed the guy who interviewed me as he said to get in touch if I had any questions. I managed to think of one and e-mailed him to ask, saying it was nice to meet him and stuff. The old me wouldn't be assertive enough to do that and just sit passively back waiting for a yes or no. I got a nice reply back from him and will hear by end of business tomorrow.
Not sure what is wrong with me today. Only got to sleep at about 4am despite going to bed at a good time (I've not been sleeping well for a while) and I just feel worn out and tearful. Have left a message for my CPN to call me back but not sure if she is still my CPN or not really and am loathe to call my psych - he is now semi-retired and only works Thursdays and Fridays but maybe its cos he is under a bit pressure only working two days but don't feel the support the same.
Have another interview tomorrow - dreading it but I need to find work. Have been trying to keep busy by tidying - there is a pile for recyling, pile for keeping, pile for filing and a don't know pile - now I just keep staring at them.
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