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Post by A on Oct 4, 2014 21:11:38 GMT
My boyfriend has one of his moments I guess yesterday, he flipped out. He didn't use physical abuse just emotional.
He told me my "attitude is Digusting and vile"
He said things like "I physically hate you, you don't let me do anything. If your so sick of me leave then"
I get upset because, it makes me feel like if I was too leave he wouldn't care what so ever. Which frustrates me.
I walked to the shop to buy my cigarettes. he followed me on the way to the shop and because I was ignoring him. He was shouting at me "your a tramp, you are not mature. Your 18 years old and running around like a phyco bitch and a headless chicken"
I was so embarrassed as People we're beginning to stare and I think they was probably becoming concerned.
He was shouting out in rage. Telling me hates me and how I act is Digusting. Telling me horrible things
Is this all real or is it a act? So confused.
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janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185 
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Post by janine on Oct 6, 2014 13:23:18 GMT
Sometimes when I was dating an abuser, years ago, I felt it helped me to stop focusing in on him for a moment, and observe how I felt.
Often we ignore our best indicator that something is not right...which is our own body.
How did you feel when he did that?
What are your unmet needs in this relationship? For example respect, safety, acceptance....belonging are words that come to my mind when I think of a healthy relationship.
Does he provide these things for you in your relationship?
If I told you my partner did this to me, the following and insulting in public, this humiliation attempt in front of strangers--or if your best friend told you her partner did this, what would you say to her or me?
The question may not be anymore why does he do it. The question may be- What does my future look like with this man and do I want this?
What is keeping me from leaving? What am I afraid of if I think of leaving him?
See whatever question feels comfortable right now and sit with it for a bit. We do not always have to do something, sometimes it is good to sit, observe, take deep breaths and maybe contact a DV hotline and counselor again. Those are times when I find professional help from the outside can be such a lifeline and amazing support.
You deserve better than how he chooses to treat you.
You do not have to live like this.
This is not your fault.
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Post by HH Lindsey on Oct 29, 2014 4:23:28 GMT
Hi
Have you read "Women Who Love TOO Much" by Robin Norwood (I think)? I found it quite helpful second time round I read it, as first time I was still too entrenched in my own story and the relationship 'has to work' sort of thinking to be able to hear what she was writing properly.
One of the points she makes is that it can be good at some point within the relationship to just stop and listen and watch what is being said by or the actions taken by the other person without responding. Trying to watch what happens as though watching a film. And after doing that for a few days, you can then see the situation more objectively, and hence make a slightly more informed decision on whether this is the situation you want to stay in or not.
Even though I am not in an abusive relationship any more, I still have plenty of stresses on my life and sometimes it is still useful to just sit back for a few days and watch what routes I have fallen into and which hats I have taken on without necessarily realising I had.
Just thought I would share that with you - there are loads of old copies of "Women who love too much" hanging around, so am sure you can get one for next to nothing in a charity shop or if not, over Hidden Hurt bookshop.
All the best
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