Hi to everyone. It’s almost 6 months since I had contact with him, the 24th of Oct 17 ! It’s not easy everyday my mind wanders back to the good times we did have, then realty hits, he threw me out the car in the middle of nowhere that was the final line crossed and I swore that day that I would never ever no matter what ever give the man a chance again ever !!!!
I pass him in the car he ignores me I ignore him, it’s hard and every time my tummy hits the floor ! But I’ve got to carry on to try and make a life for me and my son. I waisted 9 years of my life on him !!! But I miss those good times.
So last week I get a phone call from a property friend of his. He said ex name, as if we’re still together, this was to jog my memory of who he is. He is looking to see if I’m interested in him passing sales to me as he only wants to deal with rentals !!!! Can we meet up ? What’s your thoughts ? Coincidence? Or has and is my ex trying to get in the back door !! ? Am I over reacting ? My friend thinks it’s my ex def has orchestrated this, for what purpose I don’t know !!! I am meant to be meeting him in the morning !
Hi Xmas..how are you? Did you see the friend this morning?
I am sure you miss the "good times", it is hard to forget when we felt so good about something. Sadly, as you stated, those horrific times come crashing in and we remember the hurt, the confusion, the manipulation, and the trauma that goes with being abused. For me, the "good" did not outweigh the bad. I know it didn't for you either!
I think you are making great choices for living a good life for you and your son!
Are you overreacting? I don't think so. I don't think we can ever be too careful when it comes to our exes and their friends. The part that is concerning is that we don't know who we can trust and who we can't. Or rather, we do know and the ex and possibly their friends are people we have to be careful of. It could be innocent and it could be your ex trying to get his way back into your life. If you did meet him, please let us know how you are doing.
Sadly we have to be vigilant at times, but we also have to listen to our gut instinct. I suspect it will not let us down! Hope you are Ok!
Yes Karen I met with him. He did mention my ex, saying some of the landlords may want to sell, like ———, he is always into everything, then said sorry I keep mentioning him !!
Felt okay after meeting but I was really nervous, suffering really bad just now with anxiety and panic attacks ! I asked him why us ? He said you ! Your business os like mine small family business !! So there it is but like you say I can’t really trust anyone !! Thank you Karen for your reply very much appreciated xx hope you are doing welll ?
Hi Xmas, from the reaction you are having, maybe limit how much contact with this other business guy? It sounds like it is really triggering you.
It is really hard to trust others, especially when they are connected to the exes! We just don't know what the motivation is behind the contact or if the person we are talking to will take information back. Usually it is innocent, but we have no guarantee of that. What we do know is the exes can't be trusted, and if they are involved, we think to be careful.
Take care of you, it will be OK. I can see though that having the business is good for you, but you have to wonder did he suggest it? I don't know. Being on alert can't be bad. I hope your business improves for this!
Thanks Karen, that’s exactly what my gut is saying that ex suggested it, that is why I asked him why us, without coming straight out with the obvious. Ex did say to me at one point several times he was going to sell maybe 2 a year and this guy is his rental guy !! The last time he used Property but messaged me direct, I told him no, I don’t need your business. So to me my gut is telling me, it’s his way of getting in the back door. The next thing will be ohh ———— wants to sell !!!! And no way even though I’m still hurting Karen am I going there !!!! It was his birthday a few weeks ago and the mess I had myself in should I shouldn’t I text send a card, as I didn’t want him hurting on his Birthday!! Crazy in the end I did nothing, but I know he will be upside down thinking is she seriously moved on !!! I know this monster inside out !!! So it’s not easy I’ve hardly been over the door, not dating as I feel it’s unfair to the other person ! Without my close fiend and daughter and grandchildren god knows where I would be..... but I’m getting there some days are better than others.... this as you have said just stirs it all back up !!! Thank you again, xxx
Hi Xmas, you are very welcome and lots of good stuff I think that you are doing as it sounds like you are definitely healing! YAY! I have to admit I am so glad you didn't send him a card or a text on his birthday. I know you don't want him to hurt, that is very understandable, but my "abuser brain" as I call it says he is not hurting. AND if he was, I wouldn't believe it to be the truth. It would be a facade to get you to feel sorry for him or pay attention to him. Do nothing..is really doing something and for us healing, it only helps.
Everyday that goes by, we are one step away from the abuse and one step closer to feeling joy and happiness! Sounds like you have a great family and support system to help you keep going forward! That is what it is all about, living each day well!