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Post by Rachel on Jul 27, 2017 20:09:57 GMT
Hi all, i am new to this forum and would like to just get a few things off my chest and for some advise. 7 weeks ago I got a non molestation order on my partner, I was with him for 2 years and in that time he was emotionally and physically violent towards me. When we first got together it was perfect, after about 4 months was the first time he hit me, I forgave him after he begged me for weeks and was 'sorry'. Cut a long story short we moved in together and that's when things escalated, he strangled me twice and used to lose his temper over small things, hated me wearing make up etc. Anyway the last time he hit me was when he was drunk back in October around his friends house which ended up his friends girlfriend calling the police and having him arrested which I didn't make a statement as I didn't want to go to court and have all the stress. The same night I moved back in to my parents house and attempted to cut all contact. After about 3 weeks I begain seeing him every weekend as I still loved him, I knew it wasn't right but I found it more painful letting go of him then moving on with my life. So over 7 months we was very on and off, I never moved back in with him but would see him every weekend and he always wanted me to move back in. The emotional abuse during that time got worse he would threaten my job saying he would call them up and make up lies about me, would threaten to kick my dads door in if I didn't speak to him, threaten to snap my neck when he had a fit of rage, he sent me a picture of me naked that he took of me in the shower when I wouldn't answer my phone, he even took a picture of my front door and emailed it to me because I wouldn't answer my phone to him. So 2 months ago he went on a boys holiday for the weekend and I got an emergency injuction and changed my number, when he came back he obviously didn't know about it and knocked on my door, I looked out of the window and saw it was him so I called the police to which they told him about the injuction. He so far has not breached the injuction, although he has put some discusting statuses on Facebook about me which he hasn't mentioned my name but I know it's about me, someone sent it to me as he is blocked on my Facebook. Everyone on his friends list was hyping up in the comments saying 'gotta love a phyco ex girlfriend', it's like he's told people lies about me to get attention or something. He is also making a very big effort on Facebook to show everyone how happy he is, putting up topless pictures of himself etc. i have now spoken to his ex girlfriend that he has 2 children with that he can't see, and she told me of the abuse he put her through which was bad but not as bad as mine. Anyway I've now found out that he has a new girlfriend, it's been 2 months and he's moved on already. I know I shouldn't be sad over this man but I'm just so hurt
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Post by karen on Jul 27, 2017 22:41:43 GMT
Hi Rachel, so sorry this has happened to you. I am glad you found this forum and I hope you find some support.
I am not surprised you hurt. This guy has ABUSED you for 2 years and will continue to hurt you any chance he gets. He believes you deserve all the hurt he puts on you and YOU DON"T. You did nothing to cause him to be this way. I am not surprised he abused the partner previous to you and he will abuse the new girl as well. AND you can try and warn her and I promise you she will not listen. He has painted you in a bad way and she will do her best to be better than you, and he will abuse her anyway.
The hurt is because you obviously cared about the guy you thought was decent. You gave him your whole heart and wanted to be with him, I am sure you fell in love with him. You also probably got caught up in all the promises he made, all the "good" times..were probably wonderful and the bad times were beyond HORRIBLE. Our brains get addicted to these jerks. We tolerate the bad because we believe the good is worth it. AND he set it up that way so he could control you. Manipulate you.
I would encourage you to seek out a Domestic Violence Center near where you live. Get some counselling. I highly recommend it. He has traumatized you, and I suspect you need to heal. To get past this. Please don't jump into another relationship. You will more than likely end up with another ABUSER because there hasn't been any healing.
NO CONTACT. It is best that you not respond to ANYTHING he does, to try and contact you, to any texts, or e-mails or even facebook posts. He wants to punish you for what you did to him. He will look good to others...exactly so his friends will call you a psycho. You are not. I suspect his friends treat their partners in a similar manner.
The book "Why Does He Do That"..by Lundy Bancroft is an excellent resource to help you begin to process all that has happened. Your ex partner does not know what love is, he doesn't have a clue. The only person in your relationship who mattered was him..and it will always be about him. Y
It is ok (I think) to be sad, in fact I would be concerned if you weren't. You gave your heart to this man. You are grieving the loss of a relationship, one that you thought was promising. You loved him. And we don't always stop loving someone so easily. Also, your brain has no sense of time. It remembers the abuse like it was yesterday. AND you probably want this man to suffer for all the hurt he inflicted on you. I know I felt powerless to do so and that just pissed me off.
He will lie. It is what he does. AND HE THINKS HE IS JUSTIFIED in lying. My ex-boyfriend told me one week after he kicked me out of his house that we could "make up and go look at rings" so we could get married. 4 weeks later he had a new girlfriend and 8 months later they were married. I still hurt over that and it has been 3 years since I have seen him. I KNOW IN MY HEART AND HEAD..he is abusive to his wife. I warned her, she initially believed me, then she went back to him. I don't wish any harm on anyone..but whatever happens happens.
Give yourself time to heal. Seek out support and counselling so you can work through this. DV centers offer free counselling. I went to my local one for over a year. IT HELPED ME TREMENDOUSLY.
I know it doesn't feel like it..but you are lucky. You got out. Go forward when you are ready. The hurt will be there, it takes time to heal. Anything we can do here, please keep posting and let us know.
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