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Post by marina on Jul 9, 2017 0:18:14 GMT
Hello all.. back again.. I really need help..
so.. one year and a few months without him.. I don't know why I decided to look on internet about him and I found his LinkedIn profile... I guess it's because I met another assxxle.. btw..
no job since marich 2016 that is more or less when our relationship ended..
but I found his cv and there was a phone number, a new one.. and I ended up calling him one.. the phone was off.. I tried again, and again..and it's always off.. his old number is gone too..I can see his new number on WhatsApp and the picture it's a bride with a bleeding heart in her hands...
i don't know why I did all of this, but now I am going crazy.. is he ok? What happened to him? Why the number he put on lisnkedin to find a job is always off? Is he alive? Is he in jail? I know I shouldn't have rang that number, but I did and now, after everything he did to me, after more than one year, I am still crazy worried about him, I still think about him, and I still would give my life in order to him to be happy.. why ai am so broken? What's wrong with me??
i don't know whAt do do.. I feel broken, wrong.. and meaningless...
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518 
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Post by karen on Jul 9, 2017 11:55:41 GMT
Hi Marina..nice to hear from you! I am sorry you are having all these thoughts of him.
You ask "Why am I so broken?" "What is wrong with me?" Well..I don't think you are broken. I think you are still healing and learning to live without this guy. AND it still hurts, you are still traumatized by him.
I also think your brain is still "Addicted" to him and that is what is pulling you back to him. It is like cocaine..replace him with "cocaine". He is a drug in a sense. You are drawn to him, you are stuck on him and that is possibly why you are so worried about him. Your brain doesn't know if it was 1 year ago or yesterday. It is still stuck.
Learning to live without them is hard, it is learning to live and go forward knowing that that "drug" is not healthy for you. Something could have happened to him or he is fully aware that you are trying to reach him and he is playing with you or punishing you for leaving. THE BEST thing he would want is to think that you can't live without him, that you WANT him. ABUSERS love it when they are so wanted by someone. It gives him power and control over you. Don't give him that.
I know it is hard to resist wanting to be in contact. Wanting to know. Honestly..nothing good will come of you being back in touch with him. And I understand. I don't want to sound harsh. BUT he will abuse you AGAIN..in one way or another.
Do you have a counselor you can call or a trusted friend? Him not responding may also be a "sign"..that you should not be talking to him. It is like an alcoholic..he sees the bottle of alcohol..he thinks "just one sip, it won't hurt".. YES it will..it will cause him to go right back to a bad spot in his life. AND that one sip? He will want more..and that alcohol will betray him, it will hurt his body, it will hurt his soul.
NO CONTACT. You have come a long way Marin..try and keep looking forward..not back.
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Post by marina on Jul 9, 2017 23:11:57 GMT
Hi Karen, thank you for your reply.. I am fully aware what I did was stupid..I know he is not good for me..
Don't think he knows I tried to contact him..his phone has been always off.. but I get your point.. he's the type of guy you describe..
My main problem is this not knowing about where he is, what he is doing.. I feel really on the edge..
Also..if he is in trouble it could mean that he did what he did to me to another girl.. and I feel bad also for it.. I keep asking myself if I should have done more.. if I should have had pressed charges.. to stop him, possibly to help me..
I think the trigger was a guy I met recently.. really funny, smart.. but a top class aggressive and arrogant when he has too many drinks.. I am not in contact with this guy anymore, I've deleted his number and he didn't contact me, but I might see him sometimes as he works with 2 friends of mine..
So confusing..
I guess I'll have to find a counsellor..cannot really tell my friend I tried to ring my ex.. she just had a baby and I don't want her to worry about me right now..
Thanks again..
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Post by karen on Jul 11, 2017 22:28:21 GMT
Hey Marina..the not knowing where they are or what they will do next is really really hard to let that go. I remember feeling really bad about my ex getting a new girlfriend and wanting to make sure he did not hurt her. I even warned her and she didn't listen. She is now married to him.If she is happy? Then more power to her, if she is not, oh well. I learned a while back from Janine on this forum that I can't be responsible for whatever the ex does or the woman or women he connects with. I tried. And I beat myself up trying to make sure I did everything possible to prevent someone else from getting hurt.
I also learned that for me..the best way was to find a way to help others understand Domestic Violence. If I could help someone gain knowledge then that was a good thing. That was/is my way of warning someone.
I know you are worried about him. And you didn't do anything stupid. It is not easy getting these jerks out of our heads and hearts. Contacting them is very normal. It happens. You are very smart and you sound like you will do something different the next time.
I too would be on edge if I didn't know what they were up to or their whereabouts. I also try to tell myself that I don't care what they are doing. I don't want to care. I also don't want to live in fear. I get on edge when I get into the town where he lives. But I have been lucky, I haven't been contacted in over 2 years. My ex jerks have moved on to others. Sadly.
Try to focus on you. You can't control him, you can only be responsible for you.
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