New member need advice

Hello Paxta..so glad you want to help your friend. My initial thought is if he wants to have some help..to call a National Domestic  Violence Hotline or seek out a local center depending on where he lives. He can call and remain anonymous and get legal advice; crisis support; and just someone to talk to.  He can go to a center and get support.

It sounds like his ex is abusive and it is important to know that he did not cause her to be that way.

One thing I would consider..and this is only a precaution..is really look at how he talks about her. Make sure he isn't the one who was abusive. And I apologize if I am saying something out of line..but many abusive men will paint their ex out to be the problem. My ex-boyfriend told me some really nasty things about his ex-wife. ITEM TO NOTE..he was  incredibly abusive to ME AND to his ex-wife, but he had me believing that she was the Wicked Witch of the West..a horrible mother, a horrible person. Turns out...He LIED about it all. She and I connected on FB and we are friends. We shared war stories and they were so similar it was eerie. So...I am not suggesting your guy is lying. He very well may not be. BUT he could be. I worked very hard in that relationship to be supportive, and more loving than the ex-wife was to him. It is part of the "abuse" tactics they use.

I would also suggest you and he read a book called "Why Does He Do That?" By Lundy Bancroft. It is a remarkable resource about abusive men/people and what they do. It may help to understand what is going on with his ex. This book opened my eyes to Domestic Violence..I read through it and I gasped at how 2 ex boyfriends, 1 ex-husband are/were abusive. Their picture could have been on the pages.

Back to what to do...perhaps also suggest counselling to your boyfriend. It may help. Also, perhaps he can set up a better way to communicate with his ex-partner. I know I rarely speak to my ex-husband. We have 2 daughters..age 21 and 17. I communicate to him via e-mail. No texting, no talking on the phone, we are not friends on FB, I never call him..ever. NO CONTACT unless no other option. It keeps my stress down by not having to speak or see him and it keeps everything in writing..so I have a paper trail if needed.

Also..have him keep record of every interaction with his ex and what happens between them. If ever "evidence" is needed, you or he will have it.

Glad you want to help him. Let us know if we can do more.