Post by looking4answers on Apr 12, 2014 17:52:50 GMT
I have just left my abusive wife after ten years. I am male and until I was refered to a counsellor by the police I would never have identified that it was DV. I had to have her arrested after she threatened me with a carving knife. I had to leave the family home and after sleeping rough I am now in a bed and breakfast whilst I wait for something more permanent. The police will take no further action and their attitude to me has changed. In some respects I wish I hadn't dialled 999 as now my children are deemed at risk. Have any other fathers out there been in this sitiation and how did you deal with it?
Hi, well done for calling the Police and leaving her. In my experience there are some Police who arent very interested in helping and very few that actually do help, its not consistant. It actually takes alot of evidence for the Police to go forward with a case, the main thing is you are away from the abuse, its difficult when children are involved, could you not obtain a restraining order / injunction? Everytime 999 is called a report is sent to social services, if you feel your children are at risk then contact them yourself but its matter of practice for Police to do this. I dont know if you have a Safer Families department at your local council? They deal with male and female victims and are an amazing support. Good luck with everything )
Post by looking4answers on Apr 13, 2014 17:17:11 GMT
Thank you for your supportive words. I was assigned a domestic violence worker and she helped me to see the scale of the abuse. I couldn't see the bigger picture and what was so wrong.I can't afford injunctions etc so when she calls (mainly about the kids) I still feel I have to justify myself and apologise for not being there. All she tells me is how badly the police treated her and how horrible it was for her. She said I laughed in her face as she was arrested. Somehow she thinks I got off on all this and it doesn't register with her that maybe she has a problem. I didn't see this until the DV worker spoke with me. I will come through this rough patch I know but its far harder than going back as I did many times before.
Hi again, my injunction was via the Police as i couldnt afford a solicitor, I think it depends on if you have a good officer helping you or not. One of the traits is making us victims feel so guilty for doing the right thing! Thats why the no contact is so helpful, but I understand when a child or children are involved there has to be some. My ex and I only communicated about arrangements for our daughter and nothing else, no exchanges at the door nothing, it really helped, not listening to the guilt trip gives you more freedom to heal. The first few days and months are difficult as you start to miss the family unit, even though it was abusive you still miss it, its hard to explain but in my case its why I went back so many times, trying to keep it together, not realising that no matte how hard a normal resonable person is trying its impossible if the other person is a manipulating controlling abuser!! Have you asked the DV worker about a possible injunction? You know I hope the world is starting to realise that men are victims too....keep going youre doing so well that you are starting to see the bigger picture!
Post by looking4answers on Apr 16, 2014 21:50:03 GMT
At the moment I feel very numb. My wife was the abuser yet the police let her come back to the house. I was forced to leave. That was a week ago and I really miss my kids so badly. Social serives are involved and they have said that she can decide when and if I see my kids. This is as I feared. The situation I am in now is why I've always gone back. The doctor has prescribed something to help me sleep and coinselling but its easter and I want to see my kids so badly. I really am stuck, what if I never see them again. I am starting to accept this reality. Yes I'm safe but at what cost? I wish things were different.