Dreams/flashbacks

Last night I had another dream about my ex-abuser.  We were living together and then not, as I moved out but we were still in touch and then one day I went round to find he had left leaving only the laptop he bought me (something we argued a lot about when we split as he bought it for me but of course took it away) but anyway the dream ended with me standing staring at the empty rooms thinking he has abandoned me again.  It was me who ended the relationship and me that divorced him, but there  has always been a sense of abandonment, which I guess there was because of all the things he put me through and all the affairs ad prostitutes he used to see and I was so dependent on him, lost when I was first out, traumatic bonding I think.

I also decided to be assertive and for the second time bring up my salary with HR as it is very low compared to people they are now employing and one of whom I trained!  She asked me inappropriate questions about my "holiday" last year which consisted of three days in another town roughly three hours from where I live, like did I spend a lot, how did I get there etc.  I fell into her trap, but management have said they are going to have a realistic review of my salary in April.  Not holding my breath but her questions made me feel that being assertive in order to get a salary I deserve like everyone else is wrong.

Also today at work there is a letter for signing put there by the new solicitor, I noticed it was a missive letter and dated today and asked if he wanted it signed today and so I go and get it signed, when I could have just left it there as is it wasn't my problem.  I also took all the mail down again - its like I am constantly trying to please people but it doesn't get you anywhere.  Why can't I just walk past like others?

My psych has referred me to a CPN to talk to as I have been quite low and weepy lately and I see her on Wednesday so see if that helps.

I seem to need reassurance all the time from people.  I know I have come so far in my recovery from the abuse especially the stuff he co-erced me into which haunts me to this day but a trying to not to blame myself, I was controlled to a huge extent, the person who did what he wanted is not the real me.

Don't know if any of this is relevant or makes sense, but guess this is me again asking for reassurance.

Actually he also bought me a posh mobile which he wanted back and threatened me with the police - he got it back in the end a flip top phone but sadly I snapped it and gave it back to him in two bits, he wasn't impressed, but he wasn't supposed to be ha ha