Post by karen on Nov 6, 2014 4:49:53 GMT
Hi everyone, I just want to run this past everyone. As some of you know, I have spoken a lot about my abusive ex-boyfriend..he was some one I met just before I left my husband, but after I had told my husband I wanted a divorce. Fast forward a year and here I am with the ex-boyfriend in my recent past. BUT..my husband whom I have been legally separated from in the past 10 months is till around.
He is 14 years older than me..and probably has been trying to control me for many years..we have been together for 25 years. I just thought for the first 15 years that he was just annoying..and I accepted him. He made me feel like I was crazy at times, he wasn't nurturing, lacked emotional intimacy..and I was very naive and never thought of him being abusive. The more I think about it, I believe he is abusive..first clue he accuses me of being abusive. BUT, I also think I always went along with whatever he said..or rather I never really fought back..I really would think I was wrong and crazy for trying to tell him my concerns during out marriage, so I didn't think much about it. Well now that we have separated..he is unreal..incredibly nasty and pulling out every stop he can think of to get me "back on his track " so to speak. WOW. A few weekends ago..I was feeling very "ninja" as Janine says, and I told him to get his haircut, he got very angry with me and told me I was harassing him..he looks so homeless. I didn't want for him to embarrass our daughter when he met her boyfriend's parents. I believe I wanted to irritate him too. He has taken my money (he says it's ours), he gambles, he stole money from our daughters, he ran a home equity loan up to the max of $50, 000 and does not pay a penny of it back..I do..I pay the mortgage and all the household expenses except for 2 bills..and I pay for our children's health insurance and daily expenses. All of thiis is written out in our agreement, I did it this way so he would sign the agreement. I also agreed to clean up the house and get it on the market, oh and did I mention I don't live in the house..one of us had to leave so I did..but my daughter still lives with him..I see her everyday and care for her..I just don['t sleep there..but I have to see him daily which I HATE.
SO after I told him to cut his hair..he went ballistic and said I was harassing him and that I needed to shut up..so since I laughed at him (I now think I was playing with fire), he then went on to call me a fking b#$%ch, c^%nt, and pretended to call the police and have me arrested for harassing him. I just kept laughing and said I could talk if I wanted to. He then said.."The only way to shut you up is to either kill you or keep yelling at you,,that isn't working huh". WOW..I am getting a bad feeling. THEN, just today..I am leaving to go on a much needed BFF trip and I wanted him to know the plan for our daughter...I made arrangements for her as he doesn't own a car and he thinks the car that I paid for in full and only has my name on the title is his..should be left for him to drive. I initially was trying to be nice and said I would leave the car home for him..but since the name calling i won't do it. He is ticked about this so this morning says "You keep saying one thing and doing another, like with the car" I sensed he wanted to start a fight so I didn't engage him, but I said "no, you aren't getting my car after your tirade of names you called me". Him.."You know you brought that on yourself". He continued to get mad and eventually slammed the door and later I found out from a neighbor that he kicked the side of my car..the one he thinks he should drive. Ok..getting that "crazy" feeling again. He has said some things too in the past after I moved out like "It is the law that I should have sex with MY wife, I have a right to have sex with MY wife, you are denying me sex". He also refuses to take his wedding ring off, he says "you will get yours, just you wait".
I think I am answering my own question..this is abusive..it is escalating, now that the house is on the market..he may lose everything..he keeps thinking I am bluffing. He told me the other day "no one will come and look at this house it is listed too high". This is the same man who is fuming because he wanted to sell the house for higher amount and we listed it for less due to the repairs needed. He threatened me multiple time to sue me for adultery..oh and he is bankrupt..works 25 hours per week making same dollar amount since 1988. He says I coerced him into signing the separation agreement..I have know idea how I did this as he was part of the process when it was created. OMG..what the heck?
This is abuse...a different kind, but I am worried he is going to crack when the house sells. He is also a hoarder, and refuses to clean any of his stuff in the house. Also I found a Penthouse magazine..which made me angry as it was laying out and my 14 year old lives with him.
Please tell me what you all think..I need to hear some common sense stuff that I hear my head telling me. This is not right!
He is 14 years older than me..and probably has been trying to control me for many years..we have been together for 25 years. I just thought for the first 15 years that he was just annoying..and I accepted him. He made me feel like I was crazy at times, he wasn't nurturing, lacked emotional intimacy..and I was very naive and never thought of him being abusive. The more I think about it, I believe he is abusive..first clue he accuses me of being abusive. BUT, I also think I always went along with whatever he said..or rather I never really fought back..I really would think I was wrong and crazy for trying to tell him my concerns during out marriage, so I didn't think much about it. Well now that we have separated..he is unreal..incredibly nasty and pulling out every stop he can think of to get me "back on his track " so to speak. WOW. A few weekends ago..I was feeling very "ninja" as Janine says, and I told him to get his haircut, he got very angry with me and told me I was harassing him..he looks so homeless. I didn't want for him to embarrass our daughter when he met her boyfriend's parents. I believe I wanted to irritate him too. He has taken my money (he says it's ours), he gambles, he stole money from our daughters, he ran a home equity loan up to the max of $50, 000 and does not pay a penny of it back..I do..I pay the mortgage and all the household expenses except for 2 bills..and I pay for our children's health insurance and daily expenses. All of thiis is written out in our agreement, I did it this way so he would sign the agreement. I also agreed to clean up the house and get it on the market, oh and did I mention I don't live in the house..one of us had to leave so I did..but my daughter still lives with him..I see her everyday and care for her..I just don['t sleep there..but I have to see him daily which I HATE.
SO after I told him to cut his hair..he went ballistic and said I was harassing him and that I needed to shut up..so since I laughed at him (I now think I was playing with fire), he then went on to call me a fking b#$%ch, c^%nt, and pretended to call the police and have me arrested for harassing him. I just kept laughing and said I could talk if I wanted to. He then said.."The only way to shut you up is to either kill you or keep yelling at you,,that isn't working huh". WOW..I am getting a bad feeling. THEN, just today..I am leaving to go on a much needed BFF trip and I wanted him to know the plan for our daughter...I made arrangements for her as he doesn't own a car and he thinks the car that I paid for in full and only has my name on the title is his..should be left for him to drive. I initially was trying to be nice and said I would leave the car home for him..but since the name calling i won't do it. He is ticked about this so this morning says "You keep saying one thing and doing another, like with the car" I sensed he wanted to start a fight so I didn't engage him, but I said "no, you aren't getting my car after your tirade of names you called me". Him.."You know you brought that on yourself". He continued to get mad and eventually slammed the door and later I found out from a neighbor that he kicked the side of my car..the one he thinks he should drive. Ok..getting that "crazy" feeling again. He has said some things too in the past after I moved out like "It is the law that I should have sex with MY wife, I have a right to have sex with MY wife, you are denying me sex". He also refuses to take his wedding ring off, he says "you will get yours, just you wait".
I think I am answering my own question..this is abusive..it is escalating, now that the house is on the market..he may lose everything..he keeps thinking I am bluffing. He told me the other day "no one will come and look at this house it is listed too high". This is the same man who is fuming because he wanted to sell the house for higher amount and we listed it for less due to the repairs needed. He threatened me multiple time to sue me for adultery..oh and he is bankrupt..works 25 hours per week making same dollar amount since 1988. He says I coerced him into signing the separation agreement..I have know idea how I did this as he was part of the process when it was created. OMG..what the heck?
This is abuse...a different kind, but I am worried he is going to crack when the house sells. He is also a hoarder, and refuses to clean any of his stuff in the house. Also I found a Penthouse magazine..which made me angry as it was laying out and my 14 year old lives with him.Please tell me what you all think..I need to hear some common sense stuff that I hear my head telling me. This is not right!
