is I really being abused?

hi pnwcntrygirl, that is a tough question to answer.. but one I am so glad you are asking. Please know you are not the only one to ever ask this and it is one I asked myself too..many times, mostly because I didn't want to believe that somehow I let this happen to me. How could I have possibly gotten myself into such a situation? I started to read "Why Does He Do That?" a book by Lundy Bancroft..found it so easily in my local library and I couldn't believe how much that question got answered in the first few pages. I couldn't put the book down, because I kept seeing examples of behaviors on paper, that my ex-boyfriend had done..multiple times. He never hit me, he didn't really call me horrible names (my soon-to be ex-husband is the name caller). BUT, my ex-boyfriend would accuse me of horrible things like having sex to get what I want, like trying to get pregnant to trap him (I am 49 years old..yeah right..that is when I knew how paranoid he had become), he called me a manipulator, a schemer, and liar..by the way he is all of the things he accused me of..except trying to get pregnant. He disrespects women..not liking his own mother for having him, never has a good thing to say about his wife, or his stepdaughters or any of his past relationships or with the women he works with. He is very subtle in how he controlled me..but when I really looked at it..it was obvious just how controlling he was. I know what kind of man he is now and I know I was abused. I also know that when I look at a few of my past relationships..I am seeing things that are similar to my ex-boyfriend. I have become very skilled at not wanting to see the red flags.

After reading Lundy's book..I can't ignore what is there. Also, a therapist and your friends..people who you have trusted in the past..they don't want to hurt you, if they haven't hurt you in the past..why would they start now? They want to protect you. My ex-boyfriend was starting to isolate me from people I have loved and cared for over the past 25 years..people he saw as a threat to "our relationship". These people have never hurt me and wouldn't start now. I was turning my back on them and honestly it didn't feel right. They loved me ..he didn't, and turning my back on my family and friends..it wasn't right. They were honest with me and saw something to caution me. I wish I had listened earlier..I have since apologized to them and rebuilt the relationships I almost completely cut myself off from. Now I know who I can trust..that was hard for me knowing I turned these people out of my life..it was wrong for me..won't ever do it again.