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Post by orange on Sept 12, 2014 22:58:16 GMT
Wow, it's been a while. I will update properly soon. Truthfully, I've not been on here because I find it quite triggering. Which is a shame, cause I want to be on here to help others.
I'm still out of the relationship and living safe. But tonight I came across my ex on a messenger app, with a nice picture of himself. And I'm thinking things like "he's talking to girls" "they will get the nice him, he will treat them right" Thoughts about contacting him. I know I can't do this. Any contact with him is like laying on train tracks, waiting for the train to hit me. So I just need some sense talking into me I guess? I hate that some girl might get the best him. I have uninstalled that app.
Sorry if I'm not making sense. I have had a few drinks.
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janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185 
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Post by janine on Sept 13, 2014 13:29:23 GMT
Hey Orange,
You did make sense and it is OK to feel the way you felt last night. I used to drink a lot more too during the time I had just left- and I believe many victims of trauma try and cope with all the emotions that come up one way or the other. Of course it would be ideal to stay away from alcohol 100% during that time, get lots of rest, drink a LOT of water (it helps your body deal with stress levels) and in general treat your body like your oldest friend, your steadiest companion. Someone who deserves your love, attention and kind treatment.
But that is easier said than done- and I can highly recommend a good counselor for this period of time. Being brutally honest with a mental health professional helps you deal with the toxic shame that built up due to the abuse, and maybe now even due to drinking.
You are a worthy human being, you have a purpose. You are here for a reason and you are not replaceable.
I think I can speak for most of us when I say that looking your Ex up actively or stumbling across him online is...HARD. It is so....soo hard....
Hang in there, reach out to a therapist, to support groups in your area for DV survivors, you do not have to do this alone and there are a lot of good people out there, who help without wanting anything back, without having a hidden agenda.
One book that I read lately is called "Wild---From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail" by Cheryl Strayed. It is a true story and memoir of a woman who endured a LOT, and found her spirituality and self-love during a long hike. It does not cost very much -especially if you get it for the Kindle online version and is easy to read.
We are here!
-janine1984
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Post by confused and hurt on Sept 14, 2014 15:49:23 GMT
Hi Orange,
I'm sorry for how you're feeling, your post struck a chord as I've had a weekend feeling something similar. I do hope you didn't contact him, as Janine said it is so hard.
I drove past my ex's house last night, it's been four weeks now and I was doing great, no urge to contact whatsoever, so stupidly I drove past his house, and there was a little silver car parked in what used to be my parking space on the driveway. All the lights were on, and the curtains open so I could see in. I looked in the bedroom window & saw the four poster bed that I had paid for on his behalf only a week before the final outburst. He has never repaid me the money and it was almost £1000.
I drove home really upset that he would be taking someone to that bed, that I had paid for! I too was thinking how he'd be wooing her right now, how lovely he can be when he wants to. I was sad because he had stopped giving me that side of him as soon as I moved in with him. Stupidly I had a few glasses of wine then sent him a text messsage telling him that I was going to proceed with a claim through the court to recover the money he owes me!
I hope you didn't message your ex?
Stay strong.
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Post by orange on Sept 30, 2014 18:41:04 GMT
We've been talking the last couple of days  After I was doing well with no contact. He's apparently got into drugs now. He sent me pictures of marks on his arms. Says it's because he misses me. I feel weak and conflicted now. |
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After I was doing well with no contact.