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Post by halemmerich on Jun 7, 2017 19:18:02 GMT
Hi, I wonder if you can help me: I'm asking here as a concerned friend because one of my closest female friends mentioned something in passing today to me and it's made me feel uneasy so I want your opinion.
We were trading funny stories about sex and talking about it kind of intellectually. She mentioned how she's very upfront about what she wants from her husband, knows what she likes and how she wants it then she mentioned "if we're doing something I don't like I'll just say this isn't working for me, I can't fake it, it's just not in me to pretend! Sometimes he'll go 'too bad it's working for me' and I'll just think to myself I'm not doing that again"
Is it me or is that NOT normal?
I didn't think anything of it at the time I just said I wouldn't do that I'd have to stop if my partner didn't like something. Ever since the conversation though I've felt physically sick and anxious, I thought I was ill, but I'm not I feel really worried about her.
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Post by karen on Jun 7, 2017 22:09:02 GMT
Hello..welcome. What you bring up is a good question. I don't know if it is rape. Rape is defined as sex without consent.
From what you are describing? yes..it is uncomfortable to think about. To me? If I said "stop" or "no" or "it's not working for me"..my partner would stop. The last thing he and I want is to hurt each other during sex. So..if something isn't happening for us..then we stop. We respect each other's limits, boundaries, and words.
Is it bothering your friend? Does it upset her or hurt her or make her feel like he is going against what she says? Has this happened often? She may have said that in order to see if this is "normal" for others. This may be their "normal". Is it good? I guess it is a matter of opinion. To me? I would be upset and probably push him off me and walk out of the room if he didn't stop.
You have reason to worry about her. Maybe talk more to her about what you heard her say. If it is upsetting her...then maybe suggest she could call a DV hotline and remain anonymous and get some support.
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steve
Member
Admin
Posts: 266
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Post by steve on Jun 9, 2017 3:39:40 GMT
It may or may not technically be "rape" but I would say it qualifies as abuse. I find it hard to understand how anyone would want to continue doing something his/her partner did not enjoy. It seems extremely selfish and thoughtless at best, and it may be he's even getting some satisfaction from doing something she doesn't like.
--- Steve
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Post by sarah on Jun 27, 2017 1:37:36 GMT
Sexual coercion..a form of rape- being forced or made to do something sexually that you don't or wouldn't normally do to keep the peace.A definite sign of abuse. Speak to your friend again about your concern..and maybe you can help her speak to someone on a Domestic abuse helpline.
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