He has just come home from work I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and he got my ponytail and yanked my hair right back and goes 'what you doing' I said that really hurt my neck why do they and he's like oh for god sake I can't even have a joke with you etc it's not a joke to me he was laughing and thought it was a big joke but it did physically hurt me I wasn't expecting it . He does this a lot aswell in a joke but always hurts me. I could feel the tears but I hold them in because he would just kick off or call me a baby for crying.
This is physical abuse (which could result in a serious neck injury) and this is emotional abuse (calling you a baby for crying).
Have you thought about maybe calling a DV hotline from a safe phone to discuss your concerns with a professional support worker? Sometimes it can help us figure out what is going on, and you can remain 100% anonymous.
Hi Confused..Welcome, I hear what you are saying and I have been confused myself. The issue I have with this is if it happens again. If it has happened more than once or he keeps doing this after you have asked him to stop. I have been with guys who would take a towel, roll it up and snap it to my butt. I had another guy..whom I loved terribly..and he would take small crab apples off a tree and throw them at my legs. It stung. I sadly saw it as a sign that he liked me. I would pick the berries and throw them back at him. Was this abuse? Is being hit with a towel abuse? I don't know. What I do know..is I grew up thinking the guys liked me and this was how they showed it. I know now that I don't have to accept this kind of behavior. It does hurt, both physically and emotionally.
Some guys have grown up thinking that the way to get attention from a girl is to hurt her, to tease her, to make jokes. Somewhere along the line "love taps" were accepted by society as a sign of affection. It isn't funny, it isn't nice, and the confusing part is trying to figure out what is really going on. The question "Why does he do that to me?" Why does he have to inflict pain on me to get my attention? I do not understand completely the "why". In the past I would just accept it and think "oh he really likes me"..now, I speak up and say. "I don't think it's funny, it hurts physically, it is upsetting emotionally that you belittle my reaction and that my reaction doesn't matter, because to you I should react the way you want, AND, if it happens again, this is a deal breaker for me". And believe me..some guys are shocked by this reaction. They truly have been taught that making jokes, hurting their partner's feelings, all should be OK. It is not.
Calling a hotline is a great idea. It will give you immediate opportunity to talk it out and try and figure out if this is going to keep happening.
Thinking of you confused...I know this is hard. We are here to help, so please post as often as you need or want to.
He is "accidentally" beating you up. I really believe the modern day woman beater has learned new tricks. Never hit her leaving marks which would automatically send him to jail. Instead hurt her in a way that "walks the line". Meaning he makes the physical violence hard to prove. And, they are good at it.
Years ago I dated a guy for a couple of months. In that short time he had body-slammed me repeatedly, and every time he got crappy with me and, he snarled I'm just trying to get out the door. He elbowed me in the face. Again he got crappy with me and he snarled I was just trying to put the turtle back in the water. I said You Hurt Me!! He would not say sorry. I wouldn't let it go. Finally, he childishly snarled SAAR-REE. (which is supposed to be sorry) Then he told me he is an environmentalist (or naturalist?) and, he was trying to stop me from touching the turtle. He said I could have been in a LOT of trouble for touching the turtle. Even a tap. He made it sound like I could have went to jail for touching this box turtle. Look up box turtle on internet. Hundreds and hundreds of box turtles are for sale.
Anyway, you already know the answer. Your guy is hurting you, and it will get worse. I hope you get to the point where you are done with him. I hope it comes soon. Take care