Post by freya on May 25, 2017 20:32:19 GMT
Hi!
Well I have been lurking this board off and on for a while now. But something has happened the last few months where I just need to talk to people that may understand how I am feeling. I have tried to talk to friends, but they just do not understand my anxiety about the situation.
I was in a very abusive (emotionally, verbally, and physically) relationship. It went on for almost 4 years. Eventually I got him to end the relationship (I knew I would just keep going back to him and I needed him to end it.) It was a sucky breakup only because we were at the “honeymoon” stage of the cycle, and the fact that he was literally engaged to a new girl within weeks.
Life went on, I think I came out of the relationship pretty well. I knew why he did what he did and acted the way he did. All was well in my world. I had came to terms with the relationships and decisions that I made while I was in it.
He ended up marrying that girl, had two kids. After a few years together, he was arrested of child abuse. I spoke with his *now ex* wife, I seen the pictures. She told me of stories, showed me the pictures. She apologized for not believing me when I warned her when she got with his. (He gave her the whole – “crazy ex is lying”. She wanted me to help her in her court case. At the same time, he got in contact and asked me to be on his side. It was a messed up situation. I told him I wasn’t going to lie for him and I told her that I didn’t think I would be much help as I have never seen him harm a child – only me. He ended up have a PO against him with his kids, couldn’t see them for 2 years. After the PO was over, it was time for court and he plead guilty (even though he claims that he still was not guilty just wanted it over). Did anger management classes. Fast forward another 6 months, ended up sigining over all rights to his kids.
During all this trial stuff, we kept in contact. Only in the fact that the friends that he lost when we split up (aka originally his friends) ended up with me, and now that he is back around – I am just have to deal with him being at mutual gatherings. I know that we there is nothing there with us.
Now the problem… a few months ago he was working for a mutual friend and they had to fire him for his anger. And hearing stories from this friend I know his anger is still an issue. He has been in this new relationship for 7 months now and just last week they announced their engagement. Not really caring about that, I think at this point she should know what she is walking to as she supposedly was by his side during his trial. My issue is that she has a young daughter.
I try to stay friendly with the guy, we have mutual friends and I have always stayed friends with his sisters. I have no trouble standing up to the guy now, and just see him as a coward. Like a few months ago when he tried to get me to delete some of my post that he didn’t like because people would think they were about him. Haha yeah right.
Anyways back to the problem. My anxiety has been through the roof the last few months after I heard that his anger issue is still there and there is a child back in his life. Now that things are getting more finalized (wedding date has been picked), it just makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like sitting here is just putting a kid in harms way. I know that there really isn’t much I can do and if the lady is going to chance her and her kids life it is on her.
Has anyone here have that same problem? Anxiety over someone else getting hurt because of their abuser. Any ideas on how to cope? How can I get myself to terms that I can not fix it?
Well I have been lurking this board off and on for a while now. But something has happened the last few months where I just need to talk to people that may understand how I am feeling. I have tried to talk to friends, but they just do not understand my anxiety about the situation.
I was in a very abusive (emotionally, verbally, and physically) relationship. It went on for almost 4 years. Eventually I got him to end the relationship (I knew I would just keep going back to him and I needed him to end it.) It was a sucky breakup only because we were at the “honeymoon” stage of the cycle, and the fact that he was literally engaged to a new girl within weeks.
Life went on, I think I came out of the relationship pretty well. I knew why he did what he did and acted the way he did. All was well in my world. I had came to terms with the relationships and decisions that I made while I was in it.
He ended up marrying that girl, had two kids. After a few years together, he was arrested of child abuse. I spoke with his *now ex* wife, I seen the pictures. She told me of stories, showed me the pictures. She apologized for not believing me when I warned her when she got with his. (He gave her the whole – “crazy ex is lying”. She wanted me to help her in her court case. At the same time, he got in contact and asked me to be on his side. It was a messed up situation. I told him I wasn’t going to lie for him and I told her that I didn’t think I would be much help as I have never seen him harm a child – only me. He ended up have a PO against him with his kids, couldn’t see them for 2 years. After the PO was over, it was time for court and he plead guilty (even though he claims that he still was not guilty just wanted it over). Did anger management classes. Fast forward another 6 months, ended up sigining over all rights to his kids.
During all this trial stuff, we kept in contact. Only in the fact that the friends that he lost when we split up (aka originally his friends) ended up with me, and now that he is back around – I am just have to deal with him being at mutual gatherings. I know that we there is nothing there with us.
Now the problem… a few months ago he was working for a mutual friend and they had to fire him for his anger. And hearing stories from this friend I know his anger is still an issue. He has been in this new relationship for 7 months now and just last week they announced their engagement. Not really caring about that, I think at this point she should know what she is walking to as she supposedly was by his side during his trial. My issue is that she has a young daughter.
I try to stay friendly with the guy, we have mutual friends and I have always stayed friends with his sisters. I have no trouble standing up to the guy now, and just see him as a coward. Like a few months ago when he tried to get me to delete some of my post that he didn’t like because people would think they were about him. Haha yeah right.
Anyways back to the problem. My anxiety has been through the roof the last few months after I heard that his anger issue is still there and there is a child back in his life. Now that things are getting more finalized (wedding date has been picked), it just makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like sitting here is just putting a kid in harms way. I know that there really isn’t much I can do and if the lady is going to chance her and her kids life it is on her.
Has anyone here have that same problem? Anxiety over someone else getting hurt because of their abuser. Any ideas on how to cope? How can I get myself to terms that I can not fix it?