You often start thinking about leaving an abusive relationship once you have realised that the home situation is simply untenable. In some situations, eg where you still live apart and don't have joint children, this may not seem too physically impossible, despite the emotional hurdles to be faced. But where your life is very much intertwined (joint house/mortgage, joint bank accounts and debts, joint children, etc) even thinking about leaving can be daunting.
Even if you feel that at this stage the abuse is still managable, it is still a good idea to start thinking about leaving and be prepared in case the situation suddenly escalates. The following suggestions are from survivors of abusive relationships who have left their abuser and now live safely. ...
I'm currently realising that I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship. I've tried so hard over the last 17 years to make my husband happy but it's impossible. I thought he suffered from depression, that might still be true, but I've come to realise he will not get help. Every time he is horrible to me there's an excuse, usually because he's having difficulties at work. we have four sons together ranging from 13 to 2 years old, one of whom is autistic. I haven't been able to work and after years of being told I can't get a job anyway, and every idea I've come up with to work from home is untenable I'm so scared I won't be able to support the children without him. I feel trapped
I have been in your situation and can I just say that although it is hard to leave and try to manage, I ended up homeless and bankrupt, but I managed I got there in the end...the depression and drinking etc are excuses for abusive behaviour.....dont give up, happiness is out there once you leave.