I'm posting this because I've been reading the messages Reeva Steenkamp sent to Oscar Pistorius and it made me feel sick, because I've seen it all before. Because it's what's happening to me.
We've been going out for 18 months. It started fine, then we moved in together. It was too soon, I know that now, but like I say things were good so I didn't see why not. Then it started. He started checking my phone. He would only let me go out if he was with me. Then he stopped me going out altogether. He doesn't like me seeing my parents. I'm round there and he'll be ringing me every 20 minutes asking me when I'm going to be back, texting me even more often. He accuses me of cheating on him. He accuses me of lying to him. He's cheated on me. He goes out by himself. He doesn't see the hypocrisy.
He takes my money so I can't do anything with it. My money goes into his account.
He's possessive. He's controlling. I've let it happen. I'm letting it happen.
I want to join the Royal Navy. He's stopping me.
He says I abuse him.
He cut his arm with a big knife once when we were arguing and said "if it wasn't me it would have been you".
He's never hit me, but he's always threatening me with it.
He says he'll ruin my life. He says "you don't want me as an enemy".
I don't have any friends anymore.
He tells me how worthless I am, how I'm a bad person. He chucks my stuff out the window.
I am very glad you found us. First thing- are you covering your tracks on your computer? He can look up your history in your browser so please make sure you are safe...
He sounds like a very dangerous man. I am going to be blunt because it sounds like you also feel as if this is a dangerous situation and you do not know when he might have a final blow at you- it is scary to think Reeva died because of an abuser once we see our partner is also abusive.
My suggestion from my gut feeling after reading your post:
Take 10 deeps breaths. Call the police or a shelter to come pick you up and then go to a DV shelter. Call when he is out or you know for SURE he will not suddenly be back home. You know him best and you know how to survive this.
Trust your instincts.
Dont worry about your money or material belongings or anything else right now. You life and health is more important.
Stay calm, reach out to authorities. A shelter will provide you with a safe spot, money, legal help and counseling so that you CAN get away for good and enter the profession you want. People need to know in order to help you.
Hang in there....your life is not over and he did not break you down.