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Post by freshstart on Feb 3, 2014 16:13:10 GMT
Hi folks - I left my wife of 15 years on 25th January 2014.
I left because I have been the unknowing subject of verbal abuse for around 5-6 years, if not longer.
We have a 14 ear old daughter together - that is another reason I stayed for so long - as well as believing I was truly at fault for her temper tantrums and verbal abuse.
I feel guilty that I have abandoned her - despite clarity of thought now - I realise she has pushed me away for so many years - my charachter was to try and work things out.
I know now that it is unlikely that sge will seek help for her issues and that I AM NOT THE MONSTER that she makes me out to be.
Having read so much about male verbal abuse victims recently I understand that i am not alone.
My parting letter to her had the line ' You will never speak to me like that again!'
I am so sad that it has come to this but there is nothing else I could have done - maybe this will be the shock that wakes her up - I doubt it though.
feel free to ask me anything - I am a very open and honest person - and I am finding my love for life again - even in this very short time since I decided to control my destiny.
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steve
Member
Admin
Posts: 266 
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Post by steve on Feb 9, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
So how are you doing with all this right now? Anything we can do to help?
--- Steve
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Post by freshstart on Feb 13, 2014 1:34:41 GMT
Hi,
I am having a strange tme - I don't feel as if they are up's and down's - more like I feel disconnected.
I have made no effort to contact my wife - I speak to my daughter every day and try to avoid discussing what is going on with her - I always ask how her mum is - I always get the reply "Fine"
My wife sent me an email a few days ago - she asked how I was, how my family were, some stuff about finances and about if I wanted to look after our daughter in half term or when my wife is away on business.
It was so cold and detached from what has happened - that is the only communication I have had since I left her.
I am not playing a game - it's not like I want her to talk first - it seems pointless to me if she shows no emotion or regret over what has happened.
I thought I was strong but I feel as weak as a kitten now - I have no desire to do anything.
I feel angry ather for not seeming to really care - and at the same time there is no way I would go back to her now - I know she needs to change her behaviour - before that is even considered.
I just feel stuck in a rut and cannot seem to motivate myself any way.
Ray
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Post by freshstart on Feb 16, 2014 1:09:44 GMT
The wife is bringing my daughter to stay with me for 3 days.
They are supposed to be here around midday on Sunday - I just get a feeling that it will not turn out as I have been promised.
This is the first time I will have seen them since Jan 25th - my wife has not called me and has sent me one e-mail....the little contact I get from her comes through our daughter.
I have read so much about the verbal abusse she has put me through I feel confident and apprehensive in equal measure.
One thing I will do is make sure I am smartly dressed and smile....a lot.
Just to show her I am getting on with my life without her interference.
I will not discuss ithe breakdown with my daughter unless she brings it up - we will try and have 3 days of fun and re-connecting.
Does that sound like a plan?
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Post by freshstart on Feb 19, 2014 23:56:35 GMT
Well I just had 3 fantastic days with my daughter.
The only time I felt sad was when she was leaving.
I took her to the place where her mum was picking her up.
The wife gave me a hug and asked how I was which kind of creeps me out and makes me feel fear as well
..which I think is crazy.
She also mentioned that we need to talk about various things...like you know financial stuff....was what she said.
No real surprise there but it made me feel worried...I have nothing...she has it all...I feel helpless and think that I may have a breakdown if she decides to take me
To court.
I wish I had a magic wand.
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Post by Janine 1984 on Feb 20, 2014 3:03:40 GMT
It sounds like she did agree to the arrangement with your daughter's visitation, which is a good sign.
If the separation is working well right now I would say you are in a better place than just a few weeks ago and hopefully can gather strength and clear your mind in the days to come. You can also call a domestic violence hotline (they are aware of the % of male victims and know how to give you helpful advice and practical help)
It is also good to leave the decision to talk about the break up to your daughter- that way she can choose if she wants to bring it up or not.
Keep up the good work and be kind to yourself.
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