To quote Jeanne: "I feel sorry for never reporting the domestic abuse to the police. Rape, violence, confinement, threats with weapons, death threats, stealing and destruction of property. I think he would be in jail for a long time if I had reported him. But I think it's too late. There is no proof other than the little bit of pain left in my heart from the years I wasted with a monster, caged in a n abusive relationship."
Most of us don't call the police. Too afraid. Or think that talking to him will calm him down. Always trying to keep the peace. Or not reporting cause no proof, it would be my word against his. He always tells a better story, and he never leaves bruises except the bruises on the butt. He would just say I like it rough. Or afraid of having no where to go once I unleash Pandora's box on him (and on me!) While enabling all the way, and never knowing it's enabling. And, too bullied to put a stop to the enabling, even if I figured it out. Abuse is so crazy.
I think it depends on the situation. If there is obvious signs of physical abuse, eg such requiring hospitalisation or which cannot in any way be self-inflicted, damage to property which could only be done by the abuser, or where there are witnesses, then calling the police is a realistic prospect. But where abuse is more subtle, or could be 'talked away' by the abuser or turned on us, then it becomes less realistic. And I DO get the being scared of calling them, because, well, abusers don't tend to like us calling in police or other outside agencies or anyone who could hold them to account. So we have to do our own gut risk assessment. In the case of Jeanne's Story, given the abuse which went on, she would have been in a position to call the police, though the story might have ended differently if she had, they had been ineffective, and the abuse had escalated to murder. I think we will always be afraid to call the authorities until we can be SURE that they will help and support us, rather than just saying 'oh dear' and clearing off again, leaving us with the consequences of having 'upset' the abuser.
Thanks for your thoughts on the issue Lindsey
"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it." Maya Angelou