I left my husband four years ago in April. Spent 12 months in the women's refuge for domestic abuse. Was with my husband for 20 years, he is an alcoholic with gambling addictions too. Situations arose in our relationship that he blamed me for and took no responsibility for. He refused to discuss things with me. Drove me to attempt suicide. I had a difficult childhood too. I finally left him but had to leave my three children with him cos I was a basket case. Confidence, self respect, self esteem gone from years of blame, put downs. He hospitalised me and bullied me into drugs and ect. Did so much damage. I am reliving every event of my life since childhood. Had counselling for a year but was all too much. Still barely functioning. Terrifird of everything now. Reality of what happened like PTSD. I've filed for divorce and he's refusing to sign the papers or to give me my share of former matrimonial home. I've very little support. Support worker one hour per week. One sister loves five hours drive away and not much support. Says get on with it basically. Feel hopeless and frightened of the last, present and future. Thanks for listening. X
I put your post in a new thread because otherwise some entries might be easily overseen in the general greeting one, I hope thats ok.
Your situation sounds very difficult and id like for others to be able to read it and support you with their thoughts. It sounds like you started a long path to recovery and can be very very proud of getting away from your abusive ex after so many years! The counseling was probably difficult since it brought back so much and it is exhausting to work through abuse ....but I am glad you did get professional help and started the divorce proceedings. The fear and anxiety are often the worst part I find...I was often so scared and felt like there was no hope left when I left my abusive ex. Do you have a social worker or any sort of professional help with the situation now? If he was abusive towards you maybe also your children dont want to stay with him and there is a way you can have them back and maybe someone can help you get him to sign the papers. If not, see if the local DV shelter can give you legal advice on what can be done. Even if someone refuses to sign divorce is possible and he can be served by the court to attend to his legal obligations.
hang in there....day by day...hour by hour if needed. Once you spend more time away from him and the memories you will make new friends, find more fulfillment in daily life and before you know it things are much much better...
you will be ok. it will be ok....keep telling yourself that out loud!!!
Post by walkingthroughtreacl on Jan 6, 2014 16:36:31 GMT
Hello Kathy 1. I feel so much for you. I have been out of my relationship now for nearly three years and I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD - hardly surprising really. Even now, at this distance, fear still creeps into my life. However, what I can say is that it does get better, even if you don't notice it at the time.
Walking out on my children was the worst part for me. My life was becoming endangered so I had no choice, but it caused me then, and now, immense pain.
I opted not to have counselling for the simple reason that I wouldn't be able to talk about what happened - it would be beyond difficult. It would have been like trying to cope with the same thing twice over.
Even at this distance, I still get days when I just think I can cope no longer, but somehow you get through them. In order to have left your husband you have already shown immense courage and strength so just hang in there. One of the reasons I found this site so invaluable is that I realised that there is life after abuse but by the same token, I had to learn how to live with the fall-out from the abuse. I have more or less got to the stage of accepting that my life has been irrevocable changed because of what I suffered for over two decades at the hands of of my ex and that I will have to live it. But now it lives with me rather than the other way round - in other words, I try very hard not to let it control me in the way it used to.
Please keep posting and know that by being on this site you are a survivor.