Post by steven86 on Dec 26, 2013 14:51:43 GMT
Hey all. Been looking for places to share my experience. A lot of abuse experiences given seem to be where the man is the violent 1. I had 1 real bad experience a year ago, still today i'm trying to get over it all so I thought I would share it (It might get long but i'll try and keep it as short as possible).
For this experience, let's say her name is Becky. I was 26 at the time, she was 23.
So I had known Becky for 5 years as she worked in the same job as me. We got on quite well and were friends but only ever saw each other at work. Last July my relationship ended with my ex girlfriend. She had moved to another town to study at Uni and had taken a job there, the distance was too much for us so we decided to call it a day.
Not long after it ended, Becky told me how much she had always liked me and how she would like us to go on some dates together. I explained how for now I just see us as good friends and that I am not over my ex. However maybe in the future when I was completely over my ex we could think about some dates. She said she understands and suggested we could try a no commitment relationship, where we spend time together but without any commitment. I thought about it and decided it would be a good idea.
The first time any abuse happened was when we went out to a club together. At the end of the night she was flirting with some guy and I told her i'm going to go home which she was fine about. I arrived home and an hour later she turned up at mine, she was angry that I had gone home without her and punched me in the face. Soon after she apologised and said it would never happen again. Reluctantly I believed her.
A few weeks later Becky asked if I fancied another night out, I said yes and we arranged the night out. The night itself was great, but things took a turn for the worst later on.
She was coming back to mine that night. After the night out (at 2am) I paid for a Chinese meal for us to have at home and our plan was to get a taxi to a supermarket just outside town, pick up some crisps and tobacco and then walk back to mine. When the taxi pulled up at the supermarket, I realised I had no money left as I spent the last of my cash on the takeaway. I asked if she could pay for the taxi and I would give her the money back when we got to mine. She paid it and then got in a bad mood.
She walked off to the side bit of the supermarket. I followed her and she started shouting out that she shouldn't of had to pay for the taxi. I explained that I am paying her back when we get in. She then started trying to grab the chinese meal bag out of my hands while saying "this is mine then as I paid for the taxi". The bag split and the rice fell out and spilt over the floor. That must of flipped her over the edge because when I said to her "why did you do that for?", she punched me in the face. Sadly as it was 2am, there was nobody about to witness it. I told her we are done now, that i'm going home and she is no longer welcome at mine.
As I was walking towards mine, she ran after me and started apologising again. I told her that I believed that it would never happen again once already and I can't believe her a second time. That made her angry, knowing that I was walking away from her and once again she turned violent. I cant recall how many times she punched me but it was a lot of times. I tried blocking a few of her punches but she still managed to land a few in my face. She even pinned me to the ground and punched the side of my head.
Someone in that street must of called the police because a police van turned up and said there had been reports of a disturbance in the area. I couldn't believe what happened, the police had jumped to conclusions that it is always the man doing the abuse and I was put in handcuffs and arrested on suspicion of assault.
I was treated like scum. Put in the back of a police van, taken to the station, asked for my name, address and date of birth and then put in a police cell. The cell was pitch black and cold. The bed was nothing more than a thin gym mat on a concrete slab. The floor was soaking wet and as the police had removed my shoes before going in the cell, my socks were acting like a sponge. I had to spend more than 12 hours in the cell, needless to say I got no sleep.
I had never been in trouble with the police before and through the whole ordeal I was physically shaking as a result. I just wanted to go home. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was crying in the cell, I kept thinking of my ex and how great things had been with her but now I find myself in a police cell after being arrested for something I didn't do.
After about 12 hours my cell door opened, I was taken to an interview room. I was never asked for my side of things. What I assume is the police thought that I had been violent to her and so when they interviewed her, she was never going to tell them that it was actually her who had been violent.
The police in the interview told me before he put the tape recorder on... "Look, this is how it stands, admit to what happened when the tape is recording and you will leave with a caution, deny it and it will be taken to court where you will be in more trouble". I admitted it all on the tape so I could leave asap. The final words from the police was I am not to contact Becky ever again, if I do, I will be charged with harassment.
When I left the police station I checked my phone and guess what? Becky had sent me numerous text and facebook messages saying shes so sorry for what she has done, that she doesn't want me to hate her and she wants to meet up and carry things on with us.
I had enough of it all and didn't even bother messaging her back.
September last year, it was 1am and I had a text, it was Becky saying she's outside my house and unless I let her in to talk, she will bang on the door and make noise so it wakes my mum up (My mother is terminally ill, so the last thing I wanted was her being woken up).
I let her in and we sat in my room. She kept asking me what she had done wrong and why I hate her. I said because she has been violent and abusive towards me. I could see it, she was getting angry again, because she wasn't getting her own way.
It wasn't long before she grabbed my throat and punched me in the face. I said I wanted her to leave or i'm calling the police. Her reply was "call the police then, I will just tell them you hit me and you will be sent down.... We know who they believe from last time, don't we?". She was right, look at how the police treated me before when I had been assaulted by her.
I sat there and didn't say a word. She then saw that I had money on my bedroom table, it was about £120. She grabbed the money and ran towards the front door. I chased after her down the road and every time I got near her she was throwing punches. Then instead of running, she turned on me. I had to run as fast as I could and hide in a neighbours garden.
I saw her walk past without noticing me, then she walked the other way and left the area.
I got back to my house, locked the door and in the morning explained everything to my mother.
I had another text off Becky a few days after saying she really hoped we could get together and that she is telling all her friends and family how horrible I am.... and indeed she has.
Until the last week, I was making progress and getting over things. But I just think back to it all now and feel I need to go back to counselling.
I have so much disgust for the police and I just hate her so much. After I finally cut contact she even stooped so low that she was telling people the reason me and my ex broke up was because I hit her. She has shown people a police document that says I had been cautioned for assaulting her and has even told people the reason she kept coming back to me was because she loved me.
The sad thing is, people believe her. She has quite a few friends and i'm branded a woman beater. Even my own family have assumed that I must of done something because about a month after it all happened, they were trying to book me into anger management therapy.
She seems to be having a good life now too. I believe her violence was triggered by alcohol. Now she has a new guy who she has been engaged to, they have had a child together and the worst thing about it.... She doesn't drink at all any more, so nobody will ever get to see that violent side of her again and know that I was the victim
For this experience, let's say her name is Becky. I was 26 at the time, she was 23.
So I had known Becky for 5 years as she worked in the same job as me. We got on quite well and were friends but only ever saw each other at work. Last July my relationship ended with my ex girlfriend. She had moved to another town to study at Uni and had taken a job there, the distance was too much for us so we decided to call it a day.
Not long after it ended, Becky told me how much she had always liked me and how she would like us to go on some dates together. I explained how for now I just see us as good friends and that I am not over my ex. However maybe in the future when I was completely over my ex we could think about some dates. She said she understands and suggested we could try a no commitment relationship, where we spend time together but without any commitment. I thought about it and decided it would be a good idea.
The first time any abuse happened was when we went out to a club together. At the end of the night she was flirting with some guy and I told her i'm going to go home which she was fine about. I arrived home and an hour later she turned up at mine, she was angry that I had gone home without her and punched me in the face. Soon after she apologised and said it would never happen again. Reluctantly I believed her.
A few weeks later Becky asked if I fancied another night out, I said yes and we arranged the night out. The night itself was great, but things took a turn for the worst later on.
She was coming back to mine that night. After the night out (at 2am) I paid for a Chinese meal for us to have at home and our plan was to get a taxi to a supermarket just outside town, pick up some crisps and tobacco and then walk back to mine. When the taxi pulled up at the supermarket, I realised I had no money left as I spent the last of my cash on the takeaway. I asked if she could pay for the taxi and I would give her the money back when we got to mine. She paid it and then got in a bad mood.
She walked off to the side bit of the supermarket. I followed her and she started shouting out that she shouldn't of had to pay for the taxi. I explained that I am paying her back when we get in. She then started trying to grab the chinese meal bag out of my hands while saying "this is mine then as I paid for the taxi". The bag split and the rice fell out and spilt over the floor. That must of flipped her over the edge because when I said to her "why did you do that for?", she punched me in the face. Sadly as it was 2am, there was nobody about to witness it. I told her we are done now, that i'm going home and she is no longer welcome at mine.
As I was walking towards mine, she ran after me and started apologising again. I told her that I believed that it would never happen again once already and I can't believe her a second time. That made her angry, knowing that I was walking away from her and once again she turned violent. I cant recall how many times she punched me but it was a lot of times. I tried blocking a few of her punches but she still managed to land a few in my face. She even pinned me to the ground and punched the side of my head.
Someone in that street must of called the police because a police van turned up and said there had been reports of a disturbance in the area. I couldn't believe what happened, the police had jumped to conclusions that it is always the man doing the abuse and I was put in handcuffs and arrested on suspicion of assault.
I was treated like scum. Put in the back of a police van, taken to the station, asked for my name, address and date of birth and then put in a police cell. The cell was pitch black and cold. The bed was nothing more than a thin gym mat on a concrete slab. The floor was soaking wet and as the police had removed my shoes before going in the cell, my socks were acting like a sponge. I had to spend more than 12 hours in the cell, needless to say I got no sleep.
I had never been in trouble with the police before and through the whole ordeal I was physically shaking as a result. I just wanted to go home. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was crying in the cell, I kept thinking of my ex and how great things had been with her but now I find myself in a police cell after being arrested for something I didn't do.
After about 12 hours my cell door opened, I was taken to an interview room. I was never asked for my side of things. What I assume is the police thought that I had been violent to her and so when they interviewed her, she was never going to tell them that it was actually her who had been violent.
The police in the interview told me before he put the tape recorder on... "Look, this is how it stands, admit to what happened when the tape is recording and you will leave with a caution, deny it and it will be taken to court where you will be in more trouble". I admitted it all on the tape so I could leave asap. The final words from the police was I am not to contact Becky ever again, if I do, I will be charged with harassment.
When I left the police station I checked my phone and guess what? Becky had sent me numerous text and facebook messages saying shes so sorry for what she has done, that she doesn't want me to hate her and she wants to meet up and carry things on with us.
I had enough of it all and didn't even bother messaging her back.
September last year, it was 1am and I had a text, it was Becky saying she's outside my house and unless I let her in to talk, she will bang on the door and make noise so it wakes my mum up (My mother is terminally ill, so the last thing I wanted was her being woken up).
I let her in and we sat in my room. She kept asking me what she had done wrong and why I hate her. I said because she has been violent and abusive towards me. I could see it, she was getting angry again, because she wasn't getting her own way.
It wasn't long before she grabbed my throat and punched me in the face. I said I wanted her to leave or i'm calling the police. Her reply was "call the police then, I will just tell them you hit me and you will be sent down.... We know who they believe from last time, don't we?". She was right, look at how the police treated me before when I had been assaulted by her.
I sat there and didn't say a word. She then saw that I had money on my bedroom table, it was about £120. She grabbed the money and ran towards the front door. I chased after her down the road and every time I got near her she was throwing punches. Then instead of running, she turned on me. I had to run as fast as I could and hide in a neighbours garden.
I saw her walk past without noticing me, then she walked the other way and left the area.
I got back to my house, locked the door and in the morning explained everything to my mother.
I had another text off Becky a few days after saying she really hoped we could get together and that she is telling all her friends and family how horrible I am.... and indeed she has.
Until the last week, I was making progress and getting over things. But I just think back to it all now and feel I need to go back to counselling.
I have so much disgust for the police and I just hate her so much. After I finally cut contact she even stooped so low that she was telling people the reason me and my ex broke up was because I hit her. She has shown people a police document that says I had been cautioned for assaulting her and has even told people the reason she kept coming back to me was because she loved me.
The sad thing is, people believe her. She has quite a few friends and i'm branded a woman beater. Even my own family have assumed that I must of done something because about a month after it all happened, they were trying to book me into anger management therapy.
She seems to be having a good life now too. I believe her violence was triggered by alcohol. Now she has a new guy who she has been engaged to, they have had a child together and the worst thing about it.... She doesn't drink at all any more, so nobody will ever get to see that violent side of her again and know that I was the victim