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Post by A. on Sept 3, 2014 10:04:08 GMT
Sorry I haven't posted lately, I've just had a tough time at the moment. Trying to get through my mum and dads divorce, my relationship still stands the same except, I found out my boyfriend has been speaking to other girls in more than a friend way telling them me and him are going through a rough patch, it just proves to me I have never been good enough for him in any way shape or form, I'm heartbroken by him right now and I have no idea why he feels the need to confine in other wine when he doesn't allow me to even smile at another man.
I don't understand anything at the moment, he tells me "he loves me" and if he could he'd have a child to me now, their is no way I'd bring a child into a relationship like this, especially not when I'm only 18 years old.
my heads all over.
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janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185 
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Post by janine on Sept 3, 2014 16:08:18 GMT
Hey A., it sounds like he is using what we call "Triangulation"- a very, very crazy-making and frustrating technique of abusers.
He wants you to be jealous and feel not good enough. Why?
Well, if he wants control over you and you allow him to play you this way, he has you in the right place to use you further and crush your self love and esteem.
It is hard to watch your parents experience a difficult phase in life, but that too will pass and is temporary. It is also NOT your emotional backpack- they are adults, YOU are the child and deserve love and support and to not be put in a position where you have to feel guilty or in any way responsible for them or their actions and decisions.
For your boyfriend- he applies double standards and pulls you into a position that is not healthy or safe. The only way to escape an abuser is to go no contact and leave the stage. It is like a school play. He put you on stage, himself and others, and now he is the director, telling everyone how to act and feel and do and not do. Leaving him at the center, playing you like puppets on a string.
The one and only way to escape is to say NO MORE. Jump off that stage if you find your role painful and without respect and love from him towards you.
You deserve better.
Did you have success in finding a school counselor or general counselor maybe? It is essential to have professional mental health support, especially if you are a teenager and have to balance school work and your parent's divorce and an abusive boyfriend all at the same time. As if the teenage years aren't challenging enough as it is!
You are always welcome here and we enjoy having you feel safe and supported by us.
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Post by jean812 on Sept 5, 2014 4:28:08 GMT
To A:
Please don't try to handle this by yourself. Keep telling your story to anyone who will listen and don't stop telling until someone will help you. You will end up running away from your parents problems and into the hands of this abusive young man. I was once you.
My parent's were not divorcing, but my mother was terminally ill. My dad was stretched past his limit with caring for mom, and working a full time stressful job, while dad had PTSD from WWII. Dad was unbearable to live with. I ended up jumping out of the frying pan and jumped into the fire.
I moved out of the house when I was 19, and moved in with my high school sweetheart. That was my ex-husband John. That man cheated on me during our entire marriage. He openly flirted with other women in front of me and our kids. He had the nerve to make us stand by and wait until he was done flirting. he played constant mind games, he controlled the money. He was always dressed well, while my clothing was worn out and torn. He got in my face when I took kids to the doctor. He eventually because physically abusive.
Back in high school, John too wanted to have a child with me and to marry me. I found out years later that it was all about his ownership over me. I overheard him bragging to other men that he kept me bare foot and pregnant. Here I had thought his "Steady" ring that he bought me in high school was flattering, and then later he put a wedding band on my finger. He never wore his wedding ring, I think he said it turned his finger green, but really don't remember why he never wore it. He kept his wedding ring on a key chain. I finally realized the rings he put on my fingers were marking his territory. The marriage license was seen as a license to abuse me.
That man wasted 12 1/2 years of my life. Think of how many things you can do in 12 1/2 years. I wasted those years being with him.
He didn't want me to better myself. He knew I would leave him if I wised up. That and, he had such a low self-esteem that he was afraid that I would become better than him.
Anyway, your guy may not do all these things to you. But, I bet he will do very similar. Because abusers all seem like they came from the same school. They may come in different flavors. But, the outcome is the same. He is content with his dominance over you, while you erode into a shell of a person.
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Post by A on Sept 8, 2014 22:14:21 GMT
Thank you both for the posts back. It's really helping me at the moment because right now I just feel so alone. And I have no idea what to do, but I'm holding on and focusing with my education.
Thank you so much both of your for your wise words and kindness towards me. I couldn't appreciate it more. X
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