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Post by A on Aug 17, 2014 20:17:35 GMT
I'm tryna find the strength in myself, but I thought that the physical abuse was over. But I'm thinking it's just a ficking time bomb waiting to happen.. I've had urges to seek professional help but I'm scared off getting judged, and I'm scared of being told it's my fault. As I've been told that many times before by him. I get blamed for everything that happens, even when it's a situation that has nothing to do with me. He can manipulator my mind and control it to make me believe I'm going crazy. I do delete my history on my internet.. I never thought it would happen to me. But it has and I'm gutted. I wouldn't wish this life on anyone.
thank you for listening to me. I haven't be able to talk for to anyone for 3 years so thank you.
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janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185 
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Post by janine on Aug 18, 2014 0:08:49 GMT
No worries A, that is why we are here for. You can simply reply to the first post you made, right under my comment in the future- this allows others to follow your posts as well and drop some encouraging words.
A good therapist will NEVER tell you it is your fault. You can google "warning signs/red flag of counselors' and also 'good counselor' etc. to get an idea of how counseling is like and what to expect from a good one. It is your right to search until you find the right one.
We are here and love to hear from you- and we understand leaving is not easy. You don't have to make any decisions today or tomorrow.
Focus on your education about abuse, see what is out there as support, like you did already and just know...it is NOT your fault he chooses to abuse you.
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Post by A on Aug 18, 2014 10:06:12 GMT
thank you so much just lately I've been scared to receive professional help as I'm the only person who knows what I'm going through. It scares me the fact of leaving or trying to move on because it'll hurt me quite alot. And I'm also scared of his reaction. It's almost certain he wouldn't care if I was to leave. That's how he comes across. And I learnt a lot about abuse once I realised I was in a relationship that was abusive.
Thanks a lot for listening and I'd love to hear words from others to help me also.
Thank you so much.
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Post by crystal on Aug 18, 2014 21:07:08 GMT
I can relate to how people/counsellors may not believe you, I had that thought in my head for a long time but contacting domestic abuse was so helpful.
I can understand how scared you will feel to leave - are there domestic abuse shelters where you are that can help you? Abusers are very good at manipulation and making it feel your fault but it is defintely NOT they are just messing with your head.
I don't know if anything I have said has helped but wish you all the best
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Post by A on Aug 18, 2014 21:15:36 GMT
Hey Diamem,
I do not live with my abusive partner, I just see him everyday so we might aswell. I HAVE TOO see him everyday I can't have it any other way. You've helped me a lot thank you, it's just a scary thought of me getting up and leaving him and what would hurt me more is the fact he probably wouldn't be bothered.
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Post by crystal on Aug 18, 2014 23:40:27 GMT
I know it can be a scary thought of leaving him but your life could be so much better if you did. I last had phone contact with my ex two years ago and asked him if he had ever loved me and he hesitated and said well the day we maried I did and that hurt like all the years meant nothing. If you feel he won't be bothered, he is really not worth any of your caring thoughts, you definitely deserve a lot better in life.
Once you do leave and get the right counselling to help with the feelings it can be liberating, you change from a victim into a survivor. It does take time and YOU will get there.
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Post by A on Aug 20, 2014 14:02:10 GMT
Thanks Dianem, it's just hard to think I put so much time and effort and give my love to someone that just abuses it in more ways than one. It's such a hard thing and giving my age I'm only 18, I'm young. I'm tryna get my education but it's just making me fall off track.
Some days I just want to scream out, but I can't because I know if I did my family's reaction would just be so bad towards him I wouldn't know what to do. It's a very hard situation.
I just face each day with a smile, and try my hardest everyday to cope with everything which is going on behind closed doors. Thank you for your help!
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Post by crystal on Aug 20, 2014 21:49:35 GMT
I can understand how you want to scream out and to be scared of your family's reaction but by hiding it like Janine said he is manipulating you even more, I know as I often used to apologise for my ex's behaviour, but nobody new what was going on behind the doors. I am glad to you are going to read the book Janine mentioned as it is so helpful. I read it and I felt like the author knew my ex! Try not to let him get you off track in your education, you deserve a good life and the best way to beat an abuser is to do that. I know its really hard but you will get there. No need to thank you, I have been there and genuinely want to help if I can. Take lots of care!
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Post by alisay on Aug 21, 2014 22:31:51 GMT
Hi A,
One of my cousins married young to a guy who seemed to be a "nice" guy. She is a great woman, but a bit overweight since she was a child and a bit self-conscious and shy. I met her husband-to-be before the wedding and I did not like the way he put her down and mock her all the time, under the guise of making jokes. I was apparently not the only one because my uncle (her father) did not transfer the full ownership of the flat they were living in to her as it is tradition, but kept it under his name for the time being. One year after the marriage on new year's eve my cousin arrived at her parents house at 5 am after she had tried to enter her own house and found it barricaded while her husband was carrying an affair inside in her own bed. Then came the telling of a year of constant mistreatment and humiliation. My uncle went to see him first thing in the morning to tell him to get his things and get out of his house. He did not even try to deny anything and he only replied that he should be allowed to take the TV with him because it was his. Apparently it was the only thing he had brought to the marriage and the only thing he really cared.
After the rest of the family were told the story, we all believed it. We already knew that something was very wrong.
My cousin is now married to a really great guy and has a daughter who is a junior league soccer star.
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