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Post by butterfly123 on Aug 13, 2014 18:53:33 GMT
My ex partner of 2 years was mentally and physically abusive for the majority of our relationship, nice at the start like them all then started to show his signs as what I assume he is as only a sociopath. He cheated on me for 5 months in our own house and I finally left him after several failed attempts, he started a relationship with the woman and all was Ok for several months until they split up, I met up with him and left as he was drunk and verbally abusive but went back to his later and the obvious happened. He deleted all proof of this incase I told his ex partner and made me swear on lives not to tell her. I told him I wouldnt but if she asked me I'd tell her the truth, I changed phone number and quit my job near where he lived to get away from him as I couldn't repeat the same mistakes. There was an occasion after where he tried to rape me but didn't succeed. His ex has no found out and I told her the truth, he's fed her lies so she is now out to "make my life hell" I honestly don't know what to do, he's told her I still love him and I'm lying because I want to be with him so like him is being abusive towards me. Not only am I scared of what he's going to do to me now but also what she is. Someone please give me some advice as I really don't know what to do, it's my own fault but he's so manipulative and I can't handle it anymore! I won't back down from telling the truth, I just want her to see what he's like to save her the years of abusive I went through. He's so sociopathic he's even saying to me it didn't happen. I'm not insane or a bitter ex! I want him as far away from me as possible and a peaceful life like I've had for the months he was with her  x |
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Post by butterfly123 on Aug 13, 2014 19:15:53 GMT
He has also raped me in the past, after having an abortion. Refused to let me on contraception but didn't want my children. I spent my weekends looking after his little boy while he was out cheating on me ect. Wasn't aloud Facebook or whatsapp or to drink alcohol or even fizzy drinks!
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Post by obsidian on Aug 13, 2014 22:29:48 GMT
I too have made contact with my partners 'other woman', I felt she had a right to know what she was getting involved with. He even text me while I was talking to her asking me for a coffee and I showed her. What more proof did she need? I begged her not to tell him we'd spoken as he'd probably hurt me again. She let me down and went straight back to him asking him about all the things I'd said. He lied through his teeth I presume and a fortnight later attacked me.
What I have learned from this - the other woman is not your responsibility, you cannot be her friend or help her. Don't forget she's probably blinded by the charm of the sociopath, like you and I both were in the beginning. She will not listen. Leave her to it.
Your responsibility is to you and you alone. Try to waste none of your precious energy concerning yourself with her x
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janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185 
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Post by janine on Aug 13, 2014 23:08:20 GMT
It is one hard thing to do...leaving them, no contact and then you are left with your entire world in broken pieces. There is no closure with an abuser-at least not WITH them. You find the closer inside yourself once you heal and realize you can only 'win' if you choose to love yourself so much, that you never allow anyone else to treat you this way.
I believe in you butterfly. So many strong women have come here over the years and suffered horrific abuse- only to come out stronger, happier and safe.
One thing about the next victim of any abuser--- You really cannot swing your sword of justice over their heads forever.
This leaves you still attached and abused indirectly- something abusers know and often do on purpose.
The "nobody will ever love you like I did-- now look at me being all happy with that other woman--- IS abuse.
Manipulation and emotional abuse....they want to make you believe it was all in your head, they never did any of this and you are the crazy one.
You know you are not.
You know this is not your fault.
You deserve all the love and compassion and forgiveness for YOURSELF.
Hope that helped! Big smiles, deep breaths, tons of water to deal with the extra stress right now and then give yourself a big hug from yourself.
You deserve it.
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Post by butterfly123 on Aug 14, 2014 12:35:06 GMT
What upsets me the most is the ways I've tried to help him, he's a heavy drug abuser and this became worse after we split up so felt partly responsible for it. I would always send him a few messages to check he was Ok, stupidly once even told him I loved him and always have.
This came back to bite me on the bum when I was speaking to his ex and she told me she saw the message which was months ago. I don't love him, I loved the person I fell inlove with for the first month who was funny caring and kind. I suppose my messages were a way of making sure he still thought about me as I was so hurt with how quickly he went public with his new relationship.
I'm devasted he won't even say to me that it happened, I thought after everything he would atleast have enough respect for me to not make me feel like he used me. I know he used me, but him not admitting what happened to me makes me feel like instead he's admitting he used me.
Not only now am I jobless, I'm scared to go out the house incase I see him. I did send him abusive messages myself out of anger; just wish I could say I regret them as I was so angry at him for trying to manipulate me and her. The first time we spoke she thanked me for telling the truth, second time was slightly abusive and I told her he's got in her head and the third time she basically declares war with me. I won't waste my time trying to make her believe me, she asked for the truth and got it it's not my fault if she believes me or not but I'm getting abuse for doing what she didn't have the decency to do by telling the truth!
I still care about him, always will but I'm not the person he controlled for years anymore and he hates that. This is his way of trying to break me and if he carries on I will.
The police were never rang during arguments but I spent several hours in doctors surgery with broken ribs, severe cuts and begged for counselling. I feel if I ring the police they'll see the abusive messages I sent and just dismiss it as me being a cranky ex.
Thank you ladies
Xx
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