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Post by Kate on Aug 4, 2014 23:31:26 GMT
So, I just moved out of the shelter about a week and a half ago. I hadn't heard from or seen him in over a month, since his supposed suicide attempt, and I just felt like I needed to have my own space again. Well, he already found out where I live. I don't know how. The only thing I can think of is that he waited outside my work on Friday and followed me home to find out where I live. Saturday morning, I was running on one of the trails near my house, and as I was leaving, there he was, right near the trailhead, sitting on a bench. According to the protection order, if he sees me out anywhere, he is to immediately leave the area without speaking to me. He didn't. He got up and stood in front of me, blocking me from exiting the trail. He said he was in a DV treatment program and then said, "I thought we could talk." I told him no, and he'd better leave, but he just kept on talking. He said he wasn't asking me to come back, he just felt really bad about everything that happened and he just wanted me to know how sorry he was. I said, "Ok, you've said it, you're sorry," and tried to walk around him. After a few tries, he finally let me by, but then he followed me, all the way back to my house, the whole time telling me all of this wonderful "progress" he's made. I didn't say anything back, I just kept walking. He said after his suicide attempt, he was diagnosed as bipolar, and how that could explain his "mood swings". Mood swings, that's what he calls it. Nice, right? I had no cell phone with me, nothing, and I didn't want to risk him pushing his way in. Then I saw my neighbor in his yard, so I went there and asked if I could use his phone. My ex left quickly at that point, but I called the police and they found him and arrested him. I was so relieved. Unfortunately, he was released on bail this morning. Sooo, now I have to decide whether to go back into the shelter or stay put, and if I go back to the shelter, eventually find a new place to live. I really love this house and I'm so mad that he could chase me out of it. On the positive side, I feel very lucky I wasn't hurt and I was able to get help from the neighbor. It could have been a lot worse, right?
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janine
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Posts: 1,185
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Post by janine on Aug 4, 2014 23:42:10 GMT
I am also VERY glad you are ok and handled his attack on you in a very, very good and safe way! Give yourself a lot of credit for this. Maybe you could see what he does next before you give up the house, if it means a lot to you- but if ANY part of you is telling you to keep being extra careful for a bit longer, maybe sacrificing a bit of privacy for a safe shelter for a bit is worth it...
Also for the running I would say change your routine or see that for now you only run with someone else...
But you do such a good job at keeping yourself safe already and reporting everything to the police. There is nothing I could have done better had I been in your shoes- I respect a lot how you handled this!!
And of course whatever he said is useless, a lie and laughable (it would be funny if it was not so serious) - you are right on with everything you said.
Keep us posted, we are here for you.
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Post by alisay on Aug 5, 2014 4:32:39 GMT
Hi Kate,
First of all, I agree with Janine on that you handled yourself magnificently.
Second, I did study psychology (long, long ago) and Bipolars or manic-depressive as they used to be called, have indeed rapid changes of behavior or "mood swings", specially if their diagnosis is extremely rapid cycles with changes every few days (some other bipolars for example can be the opposite and instead of mood swings have cycles of perhaps 1-2 years up followed by 3-4 months down and can be very successful professionals and parents if they recognize the changes and react upfront). However, bipolars are not necessarily linked to domestic violence (I have just done a little internet research and I found very little), even rapid cyclers. When they are down they will bad about themselves, not others, and maybe suicidal and when they are up they are uncontrolled, maybe paranoid, engage in reckless behavior and, if they are violent, it is against everything and everybody in general, including themselves.
Was that something that your Ex did? Or was more like you were the favorite target of the abuse. How much in control was he of his behavior? Bipolars are (or used to be) classified as psychotic and usually require a lifelong treatment with anti-psychotics. Did he show you his meds?
Far from me to doubt the diagnosis of any real professional, but how do you know that he was actually diagnosed as bipolar? Is it a firm diagnosis (where are the meds then) or a tentative one? Or did he googled it and self-diagnosed himself, and when to you to play the pity-party?
And if he is seeing a psychologist, counselor or psychiatrist (the latest being the most likely one since they are the only ones authorized to prescribe the necessary meds), there is no way that any of these professionals would condone or approve him stalking you or violating his restraining order. In fact by law they are obliged to inform the police if their patients present a risk to others. Maybe you can talk to the police officer in charge and ask him/her to inform the psychiatrist (if any) of the restraining order so that your rights are respected and your safety is taken into consideration.
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