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Post by cosmicwonder on Feb 2, 2022 4:50:17 GMT
Hi
I am new here looking for support
my relationship lasted 18 years ,only the first 5 were mainly good
she got far too angry far too often and would threaten to leave at least once a month until things got really bad
I recently came across the power and control wheel, well I had most of the examples of lack of power inflicted on me .
she had a series of life challenges especially health ,when her mother died she lost the will to live , Five years of constant suicide threats followed
this is my walking on eggshells period, well I took it all as I thought if she did it things would be a whole lot worse
this included some minor domestic violence which made me feel violated .
kicking me in the arm until bruised ,scratching and grabbing me with both hands around the neck . It is all in the past but still has an impact
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Post by cosmicwonder on Feb 5, 2022 5:27:06 GMT
The feelings of abuse are coming up in the context of suicide grief
The threats were constant so intense , that after a while I stayed late in the office to avoid listening to it, got home late and slept on the couch. So then I just got it on the weekend for hours at a time every minute or so repeated
Her spending was out of control on a supplementary card which she never compensated me for. I was effectively stuck with this and the utilities all on payment plan , the combined effect was card payments ,utilities and some basic groceries left me with a bank balance of close to zero a few days after every payday
The suicide threats were whispered at cafe tables, usual voice on the street, screamed at me as soon as I got home , it was so intense that being in a unit block the neighbours called, and I had a police visit to ask if I was being murdered
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Post by cosmicwonder on Feb 5, 2022 5:59:04 GMT
The threats were constant, method specific, made references to doing it in public, in front of me or at home .
It included a murder suicide threat
My wife tried to tell me that it was all empty words , I was expected to take it all with minimal support ,on one occasion I saw her self harm
I just thought of it as the way things were. A friend told me it was abuse , then suggested separation.
We separated later, I was told by a mutual friend years later that she had ended her own life
The relationship was verbally and financially abusive long term before the suicide threats, including being locked on the balcony for a while after I went there to escape screaming sharp criticism
I am seeking advice on how to deal with the emotional impact of the domestic violence
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Post by jules on Mar 28, 2022 21:16:15 GMT
I eventually left the abusive controlling and sometimes violent relationship but I am finding it difficult to move forward with my life. I was with my first husband for 25yrs but he died of cancer leaving me in a terrible place. I was alone for 7/8yrs and returned to further education getting my degree so thought I was fine. While I was on holiday in Turkey I met a guy who befriended me, he only spoke a few words of English but we seemed to click. I don’t know how but before I knew it I was in a relationship and meeting his parents, I didn’t see the signs maybe because I had been so lonely??? He attacked me the first time and although I called the police I couldn’t seem to get rid of him…. Why?  Anyway over the 8yr relationship I married him, left him, returned to him I loved him. It was not an every day thing but slowly he became controlling and jealous for no reason and I felt I was walking on eggshells all the time. I was slapped occasionally, my hair pulled, not allowed to to certain things that he didn’t approve of. The relationship ended with me in hospital with a broken wrist, jaw broken in two places and my eye socket broken. He was sent to jail and I was trying to recover so I could return home to England. I was having phone calls from his family begging me to forgive him and get him out of jail but I couldn’t!!!! I finally got a fit to fly certificate and my mother came over to help me return. He was released on bail after I left the country but still thought we could continue with our marriage. Does this sound crazy, I miss him, most of the time we laughed and we’re happy together but I had to make the decision that even a slap was unacceptable. I have not seen him for over two years but I still speak to him on messenger and I still love and miss you? I wouldn’t return to the relationship but can we stay friends, I don’t know? I need help to move forward and I don’t know how |
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Anyway over the 8yr relationship I married him, left him, returned to him I loved him.