Post by midge on Mar 31, 2021 22:59:16 GMT
Good evening..
I needed a place to share my thoughts.. although I've not been on here for quite a while now, a good few years or so.. I've remained single but recently started meeting up with a chap for weekly walks throughout last 3 or 4 months.
I initially met him whilst passing him on my walks alone and saying hello which led to stopping for a quick chat and carrying on my way. At the start of December last year I agreed to join him for a walk. We chatted about this and that and at the end of our walk he asked if we could see how things go. I agreed, although in the back of my mind I was thinking mixed feelings, no I don't want to do this/yes let's see how it goes kind of thing. We met a second time and following that walk he seemed to think we were suddenly an 'item' and leant in for a hug and kiss which I gently rejected. I was thinking that I wanted to get to know him by continuing our walks and chats as he seemed ok. We met again for a walk a few days later and this time he insisted I linked arms with him whilst we walked, I obliged but it didn't feel comfortable. The next time we walked he again insisted on the arm holding but this time I rejected it, he seemed a bit off for a short while but then was ok and we chatted away.
I decided that although I enjoyed the walks and chats, I didn't wish to be more than friends and told him so when we next met as he's asked me where he felt this was all going. He was ok with my response and commented he'd rather have a friend than lose me and that he was happy to be friends.
However over the next few months he kept dropping things into conversation that hinted at being more than friends or flirted, to which I wouldn't respond to/didn't reciprocate. He also kept leaning in for hugs which I didn't reciprocate as I didn't wish to give the wrong impression.
The more we've chatted the more sort of 'red flags' that have jumped out. I've noticed that he'll ask me about various things only to shut the conversation down as I begin talking about it and saying 'right that's enough of that, let's talk about something else'. I've told him about my son's mental health difficulties and he'll ask questions but will make a joke of my response e.g. psychology is a load of old crap they don't help anyone.. or its just a phase he's going through hes still young. Another thing I've noticed is he talks alot about himself, what he wants to do etc and again asks me my views or aspirations etc only to cut short my responses alot of the time. He also refers to children as a whole as 'brats' (he has nine of his own, has never been married and lives alone).
Coming to the present, this week he has messaged me every day so far, general how are you/what you been up to sort of thing.. and then this evening he sends a similar message to which I responded 'yes I had nice day. I did some gardening' then he messaged back with 'its nice to be wanted'. I couldn't see how this had any relation to the text conversation and sent back a '?'. He came back with 'you run a taxi service'. This again didn't make much sense so I asked what he meant, he replied 'its called mums taxi'. I replied with 'yep, that's my taxi, one day my lad will drive me about' and then I asked 'hows your day been?'. He replied with 'same shit, different day..' and expanded on it then asked what I was up to over the weekend. So I told him I'll be seeing my parents and going for a walk with my friend and I asked 'how about you?' to which he replied detailing his activities and then ending with 'and after that I'm open to suggestions'. I left it at that point and didn't respond and have heard no more this evening.
It just all seems a bit, I don't know.. intense maybe, needy/clingy?? Whatever it is, it isn't sitting right with me.
I didn't mind being a friend and going for a walk here and there (I've gradually reduced my walks with him, so haven't been on a walk for the last two weeks) but I get the sense that he's not going to stop pushing for more and I don't want and don't need that kind of friend in my life.
All I keep thinking to myself at the mo (based on previous abusive relationship) is why do I always manage to pick the intense ones?
Sorry my post is so long, I just needed to put it down somewhere where I know others may have an understanding of my feeling wary.
Your thoughts would be most welcomed.
Thank you for listening x
I needed a place to share my thoughts.. although I've not been on here for quite a while now, a good few years or so.. I've remained single but recently started meeting up with a chap for weekly walks throughout last 3 or 4 months.
I initially met him whilst passing him on my walks alone and saying hello which led to stopping for a quick chat and carrying on my way. At the start of December last year I agreed to join him for a walk. We chatted about this and that and at the end of our walk he asked if we could see how things go. I agreed, although in the back of my mind I was thinking mixed feelings, no I don't want to do this/yes let's see how it goes kind of thing. We met a second time and following that walk he seemed to think we were suddenly an 'item' and leant in for a hug and kiss which I gently rejected. I was thinking that I wanted to get to know him by continuing our walks and chats as he seemed ok. We met again for a walk a few days later and this time he insisted I linked arms with him whilst we walked, I obliged but it didn't feel comfortable. The next time we walked he again insisted on the arm holding but this time I rejected it, he seemed a bit off for a short while but then was ok and we chatted away.
I decided that although I enjoyed the walks and chats, I didn't wish to be more than friends and told him so when we next met as he's asked me where he felt this was all going. He was ok with my response and commented he'd rather have a friend than lose me and that he was happy to be friends.
However over the next few months he kept dropping things into conversation that hinted at being more than friends or flirted, to which I wouldn't respond to/didn't reciprocate. He also kept leaning in for hugs which I didn't reciprocate as I didn't wish to give the wrong impression.
The more we've chatted the more sort of 'red flags' that have jumped out. I've noticed that he'll ask me about various things only to shut the conversation down as I begin talking about it and saying 'right that's enough of that, let's talk about something else'. I've told him about my son's mental health difficulties and he'll ask questions but will make a joke of my response e.g. psychology is a load of old crap they don't help anyone.. or its just a phase he's going through hes still young. Another thing I've noticed is he talks alot about himself, what he wants to do etc and again asks me my views or aspirations etc only to cut short my responses alot of the time. He also refers to children as a whole as 'brats' (he has nine of his own, has never been married and lives alone).
Coming to the present, this week he has messaged me every day so far, general how are you/what you been up to sort of thing.. and then this evening he sends a similar message to which I responded 'yes I had nice day. I did some gardening' then he messaged back with 'its nice to be wanted'. I couldn't see how this had any relation to the text conversation and sent back a '?'. He came back with 'you run a taxi service'. This again didn't make much sense so I asked what he meant, he replied 'its called mums taxi'. I replied with 'yep, that's my taxi, one day my lad will drive me about' and then I asked 'hows your day been?'. He replied with 'same shit, different day..' and expanded on it then asked what I was up to over the weekend. So I told him I'll be seeing my parents and going for a walk with my friend and I asked 'how about you?' to which he replied detailing his activities and then ending with 'and after that I'm open to suggestions'. I left it at that point and didn't respond and have heard no more this evening.
It just all seems a bit, I don't know.. intense maybe, needy/clingy?? Whatever it is, it isn't sitting right with me.
I didn't mind being a friend and going for a walk here and there (I've gradually reduced my walks with him, so haven't been on a walk for the last two weeks) but I get the sense that he's not going to stop pushing for more and I don't want and don't need that kind of friend in my life.
All I keep thinking to myself at the mo (based on previous abusive relationship) is why do I always manage to pick the intense ones?
Sorry my post is so long, I just needed to put it down somewhere where I know others may have an understanding of my feeling wary.
Your thoughts would be most welcomed.
Thank you for listening x
