Post by d@4N on Sept 17, 2020 10:40:05 GMT
Hi I was married in the early 1980s at the age of 18 it was my first serious intimate relationship my husband became manipulative and controlling we were both out of work after moving miles away from parents, he frequently lost his temper then blamed being bored or lack of money or having no cigarettes ,then he would blame me for not understanding how stressed he was how he only wanted to provide a secure nice life for us,he would grab me by the scruff of my neck hold me up against doors or walls ,punch me in my back ,drag me down the stairs by my hair,then start crying saying how sorry he was and how I didn"t understand ,when I started fighting back he started the mental abuse as well as the verbal abuse of how useless and stupid I was ,everything was soon turned around to be my fault,when I found out I had endometriosis in 1989 and was unable to have children ,he made me feel that was my fault as well,things didn"t change when he got a full time job,even though he quit smoking he still got the same amount of pocket money every week while I got nothing,I had major surgery and 2 years later got pregnant ,our child was born with physical disabilities when our baby was 3 weeks old the hospital treatment started,I spent 3 months in hospital with our baby,his dad (my husband) refused to spend even one night with our baby even when I was pregnant a second time I still went to every hospital appointment and every operation,our second baby was born 21 months after our first child,the second child had severe behaviour problems,not sleeping for more than 3 hours at night,my husband went on constant night shift meaning I had 2 very small children 24 hours every day,when my husband was there night times at weekends I was exhausted but when he wanted sex I had to do it even though I did not want to just so he would let me get a little sleep,which is marital rape, most days I could not get out of the house because of the disabilities of our first child being unable to walk,the treatment went on for 10 years,I got so desperate I packed a bag of clothes and phoned a womens refuge but I was unable to get to vital hospital appointments from there so I had to go back into the violent situation,then I secretly saved and put a bond down on a private rented house the lease was for 6 months but the landlord decided to sell it and the local council refused to re house me and the children so I was forced back into the violent situation,our second child saw a child psychologist for 3 years from the age of 9 but they constantly said there were no problems,but at the the age of 15 our child started having fits and was diagnosed with epilepsy then at the age of 20 diagnosed with autism,but it was too late to get any help or support even though I was divorced by that stage. The eldest was 8 and the youngest was 6 when my husband left to live with the mistress he had been secretly seeing for 3 years,we had been married for 22 years by then,we were in so much debt the house was being repossessed by the bank ,her house was bought and paid for ,I filed for divorce but he made that more difficult when I met someone else a year after he left,his attitude was that he could move onto another relationship but I could not,he refused to see our children at set times and set days he would only see them when it fitted in with his lifestyle,having to go to family mediation during the divorce was an absolute farce and a total waste of time as he never stuck to any agreements he made there and they have no legal rights to enforce agreements made there,I could not believe he sat there and said he did not even want to divorce it was all me yet again I got the blame,but I have moved on it has not been easy and there are times and situations I am reminded of those horrible years but every day I am thankful I got out,because the truth is I would have either ended up dead or locked up in jail for murder,that is the true reality.