Post by faithnomore on Jun 6, 2014 17:35:02 GMT
Hi ladies,
My name is Faith, I'm 24 and I was with my ex for 3 years. I got out in August of last year, after she threw a glass at me and sliced my arm up really badly, then wouldn't let me leave the house to go to the urgent care or hospital. She used to be an EMT, so she cleaned it up and bandaged it and told me it was fine. I laid there all night and couldn't sleep because of the pain, but I was too afraid to try to leave. The next morning, I couldn't move my arm, so finally, she agreed to take me to the hospital. On the way, she came up with this ridiculous story of how it happened, and kept making me go over it over and over again in the waiting room. Long story short, either the nurse or doctor, or both, didn't buy it. I had other injuries on me, bruises, and a burn scar from when she pushed me into a hot cast iron pot. That one was a second-degree burn that was never treated and didn't heal properly. Well, my partner was in the exam room with me and they told her that she had to leave while they cleaned and stitched my arm up. While they were cleaning it, they found chards of glass still inside. That was when they started asking questions. I had no explanations. I had a handprint bruise around my arm, bruises on my back and my chest. How do you explain that? I eventually broke down and admitted the truth. My partner was arrested, and I was out.
My partner had kept me trapped with her by threatening to "out" me to my family if I left. I grew up in a very small town where I learned in church at 8 years old that I was an abomination. No one knew I was gay, but I did. My dad was loving, but he had made comments about "those people" that made me afraid to ever tell him. And my mom and stepdad were worse. When I was 14, they caught me kissing a female friend in my bedroom and my stepdad tried to literally beat it out of me. My mom did nothing about it. So moved in with my dad a few days later and I haven't been close to my mom since. But I was terrified of losing my dad, my brother and my sister, and even my mom. I didn't know how they would react, and I didn't want to risk it. So I stayed with my partner. I had seen my stepdad abuse my mom, not physically, but verbally, and I swore I would never let anyone treat me that way and there I was, in an even worse situation. I felt like such a hypocrite. I remember, during one beating, the worst in our relationship, as I laid on the floor being kicked over and over again, she kept saying, "You're pathetic! Pathetic!" And I thought to myself, she's right. I know now that wasn't true, but back then I believed it.
After I got out that morning, I drove 450 miles to my dad's house. I knew I had to tell him before my partner did. He was amazing. He hugged me, and told me that he'd had a feeling I was gay, and it was okay. The next day I told my brother and he was equally amazing. My mom reacted as I expected--badly--but I'd prepared myself for that. I just couldn't believe I'd spent so many years being afraid to tell them the truth. I let my partner use me as her verbal and physical punching bag for more than two years. She was the first (and only) woman I had a relationship with. Before that I had been with guys. I'd slept with two of them, and she was very insecure, afraid that I was going to leave her for a man. Which was ridiculous, because none of those relationships felt right at all, but I think that's what prompted her.
I got restraining orders against her in two states, the one I was living in with her, and my home state, where my dad lives. But they didn't stop her. Sometime after she was released from jail, she drove all the way to my dad's house and showed up at the door while I was alone. I wasn't hurt that time, thankfully. I managed to get away and locked myself in my dad's bedroom with his gun. She left after, I think, she heard me on the phone with the police. They never found her, so I think she made it out of the state and went back home. The next time she showed up, I ended up in the hospital with broken ribs, a bruised kidney and a badly sprained wrist. It could have been so much worse, but thank God, I had made plans to go out for coffee with an old friend, and her and her husband showed up while my partner was there. She saw them pulling up and she told me she'd be back for me, and she ran out and drove off. Thankfully, they caught her. She was convicted of assault and attempted kidnapping (because she'd tried to force me out of the house with her. I'd kicked her trying to get away and that was when she attacked me), and was sentenced to 18 months, suspended after 6 months.
Last week, she was released. She doesn't know where I am. I moved several hours away from my dad's and no one from the state where I lived with my partner knows either. I didn't want to take any chances. And she's still got another year hanging over her head if she violates the terms of her sentence or attempts to contact me, so I can only hope that's enough, because the restraining orders sure weren't. I'm really scared now. I was okay the first couple of days, and then I started having the nightmares again, which I hadn't had in a couple of months. They've been every night since, sometimes two or three in one night. I'm not getting any sleep and I just feel like I'm back where I started. I have a therapist, but she's been on vacation and I won't see her for another week.
I don't know what I'm asking, I just needed to reach out I guess. Any tips on how to get through this?
My name is Faith, I'm 24 and I was with my ex for 3 years. I got out in August of last year, after she threw a glass at me and sliced my arm up really badly, then wouldn't let me leave the house to go to the urgent care or hospital. She used to be an EMT, so she cleaned it up and bandaged it and told me it was fine. I laid there all night and couldn't sleep because of the pain, but I was too afraid to try to leave. The next morning, I couldn't move my arm, so finally, she agreed to take me to the hospital. On the way, she came up with this ridiculous story of how it happened, and kept making me go over it over and over again in the waiting room. Long story short, either the nurse or doctor, or both, didn't buy it. I had other injuries on me, bruises, and a burn scar from when she pushed me into a hot cast iron pot. That one was a second-degree burn that was never treated and didn't heal properly. Well, my partner was in the exam room with me and they told her that she had to leave while they cleaned and stitched my arm up. While they were cleaning it, they found chards of glass still inside. That was when they started asking questions. I had no explanations. I had a handprint bruise around my arm, bruises on my back and my chest. How do you explain that? I eventually broke down and admitted the truth. My partner was arrested, and I was out.
My partner had kept me trapped with her by threatening to "out" me to my family if I left. I grew up in a very small town where I learned in church at 8 years old that I was an abomination. No one knew I was gay, but I did. My dad was loving, but he had made comments about "those people" that made me afraid to ever tell him. And my mom and stepdad were worse. When I was 14, they caught me kissing a female friend in my bedroom and my stepdad tried to literally beat it out of me. My mom did nothing about it. So moved in with my dad a few days later and I haven't been close to my mom since. But I was terrified of losing my dad, my brother and my sister, and even my mom. I didn't know how they would react, and I didn't want to risk it. So I stayed with my partner. I had seen my stepdad abuse my mom, not physically, but verbally, and I swore I would never let anyone treat me that way and there I was, in an even worse situation. I felt like such a hypocrite. I remember, during one beating, the worst in our relationship, as I laid on the floor being kicked over and over again, she kept saying, "You're pathetic! Pathetic!" And I thought to myself, she's right. I know now that wasn't true, but back then I believed it.
After I got out that morning, I drove 450 miles to my dad's house. I knew I had to tell him before my partner did. He was amazing. He hugged me, and told me that he'd had a feeling I was gay, and it was okay. The next day I told my brother and he was equally amazing. My mom reacted as I expected--badly--but I'd prepared myself for that. I just couldn't believe I'd spent so many years being afraid to tell them the truth. I let my partner use me as her verbal and physical punching bag for more than two years. She was the first (and only) woman I had a relationship with. Before that I had been with guys. I'd slept with two of them, and she was very insecure, afraid that I was going to leave her for a man. Which was ridiculous, because none of those relationships felt right at all, but I think that's what prompted her.
I got restraining orders against her in two states, the one I was living in with her, and my home state, where my dad lives. But they didn't stop her. Sometime after she was released from jail, she drove all the way to my dad's house and showed up at the door while I was alone. I wasn't hurt that time, thankfully. I managed to get away and locked myself in my dad's bedroom with his gun. She left after, I think, she heard me on the phone with the police. They never found her, so I think she made it out of the state and went back home. The next time she showed up, I ended up in the hospital with broken ribs, a bruised kidney and a badly sprained wrist. It could have been so much worse, but thank God, I had made plans to go out for coffee with an old friend, and her and her husband showed up while my partner was there. She saw them pulling up and she told me she'd be back for me, and she ran out and drove off. Thankfully, they caught her. She was convicted of assault and attempted kidnapping (because she'd tried to force me out of the house with her. I'd kicked her trying to get away and that was when she attacked me), and was sentenced to 18 months, suspended after 6 months.
Last week, she was released. She doesn't know where I am. I moved several hours away from my dad's and no one from the state where I lived with my partner knows either. I didn't want to take any chances. And she's still got another year hanging over her head if she violates the terms of her sentence or attempts to contact me, so I can only hope that's enough, because the restraining orders sure weren't. I'm really scared now. I was okay the first couple of days, and then I started having the nightmares again, which I hadn't had in a couple of months. They've been every night since, sometimes two or three in one night. I'm not getting any sleep and I just feel like I'm back where I started. I have a therapist, but she's been on vacation and I won't see her for another week.
I don't know what I'm asking, I just needed to reach out I guess. Any tips on how to get through this?