Post by janine on Jun 2, 2019 12:51:04 GMT
Well...there it goes.
My abusive ex...whom I left 10 years ago....became a father this week...to a ....GIRL.
He is with a woman who has a child (also a girl) from a previous relationship. That father went to jail, and now she is getting married to my abuser.
I barely ever check up on him anymore but sometimes it feels like it helps me digest things when I look up his instagram profile.
I secretly hope this new girl leaves him, but it will be way harder for her than any of his ex girlfriends since they now share a child. I pray for her safety and the safety of both kids.
I cried when I saw the picture of him holding his baby girl.
I keep wondering why doesn't he abuse this woman? Maybe it was me...my temper...I am more difficult and less "feminine" or something.
I know intellectually that is wrong. I know abusers stay abusers.
He chose a woman who is VERY vulnerable. She has mental health issues and barely ever leaves the house. Is long-term unemployed and lost her mom to cancer shortly before she met him. The textbook ideal prey for a sociopathic abuser like him. Both have substance addiction issues with drinking and smoking. I think she stopped drinking whilst pregnant.
Thing is...I KNOW from the ex girlfriend before me and the girl who dated him after I left....both talked to me...that he abused them both, too.
There is tangible proof he wasn't that way just with me.
It still...hurts.
I don't have kids yet and am 35. This abusive guy somehow managed to have a family.
I didn't.
Of course it is good I left him, no regrets. Like I said my rational mind sees it for what it is.
But those wee doubts...man. I hate that I have them.
What if.....would we be happy and have a baby today instead?
No. There is no way one can survive with an abuser.
And it is very likely this woman has a VERY difficult road ahead of her. Getting away while being married and sharing a child with an abuser.
He is still that same person. That abuser.
He is just "dormant by default" for now because it takes very little to control her. She does it for him because of her mental health issues. He must surely love that.
Part of me thought: 'Maybe having a baby girl changed him.'
Is that possible?
I also don't think so. I know he hasn't changed.
She got pregnant super fast after only about a year with him. I keep thinking he pushed her into it because he knew it would make leaving him harder. He tried to get me pregnant 10 years ago.
And of course then there are those daily stories on the news...one doesn't have to look far...where men erase entire families through murder-suicide. I always said one day I would see him in the newspaper for having killed a woman.
I pray I am wrong.
I pray she and the kids stay safe.
And I know I will move on and not let this consume me. But today....this week....it does consume me a wee bit.
This guy, who gets all the "great baby daddy" comments on social media right now...is the same guy who pushed me so hard I smashed my elbow in the streets on the pavement one night ten years ago...the same guy who attacked me in a rage....held my laptop out of the window...wrestled me for it....then three it down the stairs, where it smashed into pieces. He then cut my bras and toothbrush with scissors and knives, cut up all of my other belongings, all into my hiking backpack, and then he stabbed the backpack with a large chef knife, like it was a body. He put my university textbooks into the bathtub and filled it with water. Punched holes in the walls. He followed me around and wanted to know at all times where I was and was jealous of everyone for no reason. His eyes were empty and soulless. His face having that "crazy look" whenever he would rage at me. He denied everything in court and told people at work he broke his hand when police arrested him. Not true, he punched a wall, that's when he broke a finger. He stalked women after I left him to the point where one girl contacted me and said she moved abroad for an internship because she was so scared he would come after her. His ex before me called me after she heard I had called the cops on him, and said she had thought about warning me when I first started dating him because he was very abusive with her. I remember I thought I might die that last night I ran away from him, barefoot, at 3am to my friend's house. He noticed shortly after I had left and followed me. We hid under her bed and heard his car come up the hill, his footsteps on the gravel outside. Luckily, he didn't know exactly where she lived and my friend had a baseball bat in her hands to defend us if need be. He left. We called the cops. He was arrested and spent the night in jail. I got a restraining order. We later had to add my friend who helped me that night to the order of protection since he threatened to "shoot her". He would gaslight be and lie to me a lot. His teeth were ugly because he wouldn't take care of them. His apartment a mess and he would joke he was glad he dated me since "nobody had cleaned up since his ex left." He has skull and knife tattoos on his neck and one skull tat on a finger. I always thought that was scary since he stabbed my belongings with a large knife. A friend who lived with him briefly moved out after a few weeks due to his mood swings being unbearable. He's a chain smoker and drinks regularly. He would become more violent when drunk.
So many red flags...I ran past all of them back then.
This is that man...holding that wee baby girl.
He can't have changed into a normal person suddenly just because he got someone pregnant.
Can he?
oxoxoxoxoxox
My abusive ex...whom I left 10 years ago....became a father this week...to a ....GIRL.
He is with a woman who has a child (also a girl) from a previous relationship. That father went to jail, and now she is getting married to my abuser.
I barely ever check up on him anymore but sometimes it feels like it helps me digest things when I look up his instagram profile.
I secretly hope this new girl leaves him, but it will be way harder for her than any of his ex girlfriends since they now share a child. I pray for her safety and the safety of both kids.
I cried when I saw the picture of him holding his baby girl.
I keep wondering why doesn't he abuse this woman? Maybe it was me...my temper...I am more difficult and less "feminine" or something.
I know intellectually that is wrong. I know abusers stay abusers.
He chose a woman who is VERY vulnerable. She has mental health issues and barely ever leaves the house. Is long-term unemployed and lost her mom to cancer shortly before she met him. The textbook ideal prey for a sociopathic abuser like him. Both have substance addiction issues with drinking and smoking. I think she stopped drinking whilst pregnant.
Thing is...I KNOW from the ex girlfriend before me and the girl who dated him after I left....both talked to me...that he abused them both, too.
There is tangible proof he wasn't that way just with me.
It still...hurts.
I don't have kids yet and am 35. This abusive guy somehow managed to have a family.
I didn't.
Of course it is good I left him, no regrets. Like I said my rational mind sees it for what it is.
But those wee doubts...man. I hate that I have them.
What if.....would we be happy and have a baby today instead?
No. There is no way one can survive with an abuser.
And it is very likely this woman has a VERY difficult road ahead of her. Getting away while being married and sharing a child with an abuser.
He is still that same person. That abuser.
He is just "dormant by default" for now because it takes very little to control her. She does it for him because of her mental health issues. He must surely love that.
Part of me thought: 'Maybe having a baby girl changed him.'
Is that possible?
I also don't think so. I know he hasn't changed.
She got pregnant super fast after only about a year with him. I keep thinking he pushed her into it because he knew it would make leaving him harder. He tried to get me pregnant 10 years ago.
And of course then there are those daily stories on the news...one doesn't have to look far...where men erase entire families through murder-suicide. I always said one day I would see him in the newspaper for having killed a woman.
I pray I am wrong.
I pray she and the kids stay safe.
And I know I will move on and not let this consume me. But today....this week....it does consume me a wee bit.
This guy, who gets all the "great baby daddy" comments on social media right now...is the same guy who pushed me so hard I smashed my elbow in the streets on the pavement one night ten years ago...the same guy who attacked me in a rage....held my laptop out of the window...wrestled me for it....then three it down the stairs, where it smashed into pieces. He then cut my bras and toothbrush with scissors and knives, cut up all of my other belongings, all into my hiking backpack, and then he stabbed the backpack with a large chef knife, like it was a body. He put my university textbooks into the bathtub and filled it with water. Punched holes in the walls. He followed me around and wanted to know at all times where I was and was jealous of everyone for no reason. His eyes were empty and soulless. His face having that "crazy look" whenever he would rage at me. He denied everything in court and told people at work he broke his hand when police arrested him. Not true, he punched a wall, that's when he broke a finger. He stalked women after I left him to the point where one girl contacted me and said she moved abroad for an internship because she was so scared he would come after her. His ex before me called me after she heard I had called the cops on him, and said she had thought about warning me when I first started dating him because he was very abusive with her. I remember I thought I might die that last night I ran away from him, barefoot, at 3am to my friend's house. He noticed shortly after I had left and followed me. We hid under her bed and heard his car come up the hill, his footsteps on the gravel outside. Luckily, he didn't know exactly where she lived and my friend had a baseball bat in her hands to defend us if need be. He left. We called the cops. He was arrested and spent the night in jail. I got a restraining order. We later had to add my friend who helped me that night to the order of protection since he threatened to "shoot her". He would gaslight be and lie to me a lot. His teeth were ugly because he wouldn't take care of them. His apartment a mess and he would joke he was glad he dated me since "nobody had cleaned up since his ex left." He has skull and knife tattoos on his neck and one skull tat on a finger. I always thought that was scary since he stabbed my belongings with a large knife. A friend who lived with him briefly moved out after a few weeks due to his mood swings being unbearable. He's a chain smoker and drinks regularly. He would become more violent when drunk.
So many red flags...I ran past all of them back then.
This is that man...holding that wee baby girl.
He can't have changed into a normal person suddenly just because he got someone pregnant.
Can he?
oxoxoxoxoxox