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Post by Elizabeth on Dec 9, 2013 23:43:43 GMT
I really need to know what people think about this seriously please
my ex attended a perpetrator course for 26 weeks
he was not cured and I had to get a non molestation order
I had to have a police DV officer
this is the ver very short version and I sincerely mean that
I now find he is advertising on the internet as a counsellor - And he includes counselling for DV!!
he is a member of BACP
this is so awful and he has clients and I have no idea what to do
can anyone help? Can anyone be a counsellor with no background disclosure checks?
Surely not?
elizabeth
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Post by Janine 1984 on Dec 10, 2013 17:24:40 GMT
Yeah I agree this sounds awful. If he is advertising himself it might be his way to try to get back at you so be careful there....I get a weird vibe from the story. These abusers can get very creative when it comes to playing their roles. Good on you for asking if things are right there. I dont know if its legal in your country to become a counselor without a background check - but I would be surprised if he really did get certified with his background.
I'd say from my gut feeling it's a big hoax. But even if not....he clearly would want you to find this to get back at you. The best way to heal yourself and get him out of your life for good is no contact- and that includes not trying to see what he is up to now. It is a very hard thing to do. Id go and contact girls my abusive ex dated after me to warn them. Then in therapy one day my counselor said: You cannot swing your sword of justice over his head forever. He will continue being who he is but you have the chance now to walk away from his abuse for good.
I got angry at her first for saying that- but then when I gave it a few days I realized she was right....it's hard to let go when you feel like justice never took place. Closure never took place. And to see these abusers keep on living as if nothing ever happened. Or they play whatever role they think will get you back into their web and no matter WHAT their intentions are.....we will never understand it. We will always be back in their lies if we let any channel of communication open and we will only get closure if we pat ourselves on the back for saving ourselves from more abuse. That was the hardest part for me and it took me therapy and a few years....but then...one day you realize you havent thought of him for a few weeks or months....and the times in between get longer and longer. Until only every now and then a memory comes up but you feel strong, far gone from that past and happy in your present.
Thanks for sharing your experience and welcome to our forum
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Post by HH Lindsey on Dec 10, 2013 17:40:32 GMT
Hi Elizabeth, I have looked through the BACP website, including the criteria for affiliation and their rules on ethical & professional behaviour, and to be honest, I cannot see anything which would excluded an ex-wife-beater. You have to complete 3-6 years of accredited training, do about 150-300 hours of supervised hours of councelling, and pay the fee. The application process does not seem to include a background check and the application form does not seem to include questions such as have you ever been found guilty of a criminal offence. I should imagine that if he were to apply for a job, then any criminal record would appear and could cause a problem. You don't actually mention whether he was convicted in relation to his behaviour towards you, so if he just got a caution, or the case was thrown out by the CPS, then it would not be in his records anyway. It is the sort of profession they are likely to go for though ... my ex is a lay preacher and sunday school teacher!  |
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Post by Elizabeth on Dec 10, 2013 22:53:20 GMT
Many many many thanks for the replies.
I understand exactly Janine what you are saying about letting go - my daughter cannot let go ! There are too many triggers out there
Also I had not considered that he'd actually want me to find out but you are likely to be right there as he knows I teach ICT and am always on the internet.
I appreciate your time and investigations Lindsey - I had an e mail today from Womensaid who also suggest I contact BACP
I have followed your lead and checked out their site. I may have a case under article 12.6
He was not convicted as instead I agreed to the initiative although later I had to go to court to get the non molestation order.
I will investigate further and let you know the result should others be in my position.
As for your ex Lindsay, I find it unbelievable he can be near people in that role but I recently spoke to a police officer. Who said it did not surprise him as most perpetrators will gravitate to work where they can control
All of you take care xxx
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Post by HH Lindsey on Dec 10, 2013 23:05:12 GMT
It is also maybe a way of presenting the 'good' side to people, which then makes our stories less credible. Him? He would never do that, he is such a lovely caring man!
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