Hi Ruined, welcome here! I can't say my life is totally ruined by abuse, victimization and trauma. I can say it once felt like it was. I felt like it may never get better. I am a Christian, I struggled with a lot of what was happening to me. I was not spiritually abused. None of the men I have been in relationships with were Christian (part of the problem from my perspective). I was teased for my beliefs, I was put down for my beliefs and yelled at by two exes for not acting "Christian like". Of course, neither of them have a true Christian bone in their bodies. What they accused me of, they were actually doing themselves.
I can say there is hope. The God I follow and believe in, does not support abuse. I believe that God did not want me to stay married to a man who was abusive. A man who treated me poorly, who did not live up to what he promised God during our wedding ceremony. I believe in marriage, I believe in one person that God has chosen for me. The problem was, God did not choose these men for me (I thought He did, but I now know it wasn't God).
I am not sure what your beliefs are. I can tell you, that the God I believe in and have faith in, has led me to rebuilding my life and finding my joy. My God is loving. He is not punishing. I (and you) did nothing to deserve being abused. Even though I promised to love my ex-husband, I promised to be faithful, I promised to be a good wife? I did what I promised. My ex-husband did not do what he promised. He promised to love me, he didn't. He promised to take care of me, he didn't. He promised to treat me with respect, he didn't. I am not saying I didn't make mistakes, I wasn't perfect. But I didn't do anything that justified him abusing me. And neither did you.
There is hope Ruined. I struggled a lot. I truly believed that God sent me to a very loving man who turned out to be the worst person I have ever met. I was too trusting and too naive, he said everything I needed to hear and it was so wrong. I was wrong. He was a sociopath. He treated me worse than my now ex-husband. I now know that God actually rescued me from those relationships. He took me out of them and gave me the strength to start over. And I have. My faith has grown tremendously. I have learned so much. None of it was easy, but the reward has been worth every tear, every doubt, every struggle. God had a plan for me, He still does. I put my faith in God, not in my exes.
Keep posting Ruined. I am here to support you if you want.