What is the point? Aug 21, 2018 10:25:23 GMT via mobile
Post by anna on Aug 21, 2018 10:25:23 GMT
I find myself thinking what is the point in living when 2 yrs later my life is getting worse not better. The effect he has had on our daughter has left her so damaged I can’t see her ever getting better. She wants to die. She had a baby very young a few months ago & initially I thought this child had saved my child’s life. Not anymore. She no longer cares for the baby, she resents her for the impact on her life. I’m left looking after this beautiful innocent little baby that is so happy all the time despite her mother not wanting her. I cannot leave them alone any more as she can’t cope with her & loses her temper. So I let her go out with friends knowing she will get drunk, take risks & maybe one day not can me home. The alternative is keeping her locked up but then she just tries to kill herself. Anything she can harm herself with is kept in a lock box, I have the key on my person 24/7. She has been medicated but still this reckless behaviour continues. If I was gone she would be with her godparents who could probably raise her better than I ever could. They’re stable & own their own business. They could raise her to be a functioning member of society so much better than I ever could. Their 2 grown children are very well rounded adults. I know she would never forgive me for leaving her but she would have a chance at a life I could never provide her & my granddaughter with them. Her “father” is still part of her life. He is a typical narcissist who only care about her if it suits his needs. I would give anything to turn back time & not go back to him. He damaged her so much in just a couple of years. All I can see in her future if she has one is mental illness & heartbreak. I can’t bare to see her like this, the guilt is too much. She’s so young yet so broken. I look at her any & see such innocence & yet my daughter was once. She is damaged because of my terrible decisions. I can’t watch her do that to her own child. I thought by now I would be better & enjoying my life of freedom but instead I’m fighting a constant battle with the demons in my own head. I miss the woman I was before he broke me. I will never be her again, I will always be this husk that just pretends she is ok & full of life when I fact I feel like there is no hope.