Post by Ava on Jul 22, 2018 8:13:05 GMT
So, I don't like to get political and I don't want to take this too far off the topic of this group, so I hope this isn't out of line, but my fiance and I have really been having a hard time with what has been happening in this country (USA) this last year and a half. It really started right after the election. Before that, to be honest, we were in denial. Not to say the comments that our president made about women didn't make us angry, they did, and they were a huge trigger for me, but we truly couldn't believe it would actually turn out like it did. When we found out Donald Trump was running, we, like a lot of people, thought it was a publicity stunt and laughed it off. Only when we realized he could actually win the Republican nomination that we started getting scared. And then then with the border crisis and migrant families being separated, and the open and outright acts of racism that are being caught on camera, it's bad...see my fiance is mixed race. My future mother-in-law came from Honduras in 1975, when she was 4 years old. Her mother brought her here after her father had threatened their lives and attempted to kill her mother. They were not only granted asylum, but they were treated with respect and dignity throughout the process, unlike what is happening now. Also, my dad (technically stepdad) is black. My brother and younger sister are also mixed-race, and my little sister, 11 years old, was recently called the n-word for the first time. It has hit us all hard. But I had never seen my fiance fully express the way she feels about all of it. She'd always had a hard time expressing negative feelings, as much as I had told her it was okay to let them out, it was okay to get pissed off or to yell and scream, or whatever, she wouldn't. She was afraid to, she had admitted it, because she was afraid it would scare me or trigger memories from the past. With counseling, she has gotten better at telling me how she's feeling, good or bad, but she had still never yelled, never really really gone off.
That changed after Trump's rally here, when he mocked the whole #metoo movement. As some of you know, my fiance was raped last month, and I was sexually assaulted by my ex several times. The rally took place just about a month after my fiance's rape, and she had been doing better, or so she thought. 2 days before, she and I had even gone back to her work, where it had taken place. Not that she was planning to go back to work, it was just to do it, just to walk back through the door. She was saying not even a week before that she didn't think she'd ever be able to do it again, but she thought it was important, to get over that fear. It went really well, in fact, she had been talking to her boss about coming back part-time. But after that whole thing at the rally went down, that was it for her. I saw her really, truly pissed off for the first time ever. She went OFF. Afterwards, she said she was sorry and she walked out of the living room and went into the bedroom. I went after her, to let her know it was okay and she didn't need to be sorry, and when I got there, she was facing the wall, with her fist clenched. She swung her arm back, like she was going to punch the wall, but she hesitated and after a few seconds put her arm back down and she started to cry. I began crying too, not because I was afraid, but just because I realized how much she had been holding inside and I felt badly for her. She didn't know I was there. But when she realized I was, and that I was crying, she felt even more awful than she did before, and she told me she couldn't be there..she said she needed to get away and she packed a bag and went to her mom's for a few days
Since she came back, she's been seeing a new counselor (who she seems to really like) twice a week and goes to a support group once a week. She had gone to a counselor a few times before but she didn't feel like she connected with her and she didn't think she really needed it anyway. She told me after she came back from her mom's that she was wrong, that she wanted to believe she could get through it on her own but she knew now that she couldn't. It's only been a couple of weeks so we will see what happens, but she does seem calmer and more relaxed and I can see that she's more determined than ever to get better.
So we are okay...if we can get through everything we have, I know we'll get through this as well, but I also know that what is happening in our country isn't going to go away anytime soon, and I'm sure it's not going to be last time it triggers anger, fear, or the past. I know we can't just shut our eyes and pretend it's not happening, but I also know we can't let it consume us. I'm desperately trying to find a balance. My fiance has suspended all of her social media accounts. All of them. I just joined Facebook at the end of 2015 but I'm thinking of doing the same. It's just too much. As it is now, I'm blocking all political posts on sight. I don't read them, don't care what side of the political spectrum they fall on, or who posts them, I can't deal with them. At work I have co-workers at both ends of the extreme, so if the conversation at work turns political, I walk away. I just have to. I watch the news and catch up on things when I feel like I can handle it emotionally, which isn't often lately.
How do you cope?
That changed after Trump's rally here, when he mocked the whole #metoo movement. As some of you know, my fiance was raped last month, and I was sexually assaulted by my ex several times. The rally took place just about a month after my fiance's rape, and she had been doing better, or so she thought. 2 days before, she and I had even gone back to her work, where it had taken place. Not that she was planning to go back to work, it was just to do it, just to walk back through the door. She was saying not even a week before that she didn't think she'd ever be able to do it again, but she thought it was important, to get over that fear. It went really well, in fact, she had been talking to her boss about coming back part-time. But after that whole thing at the rally went down, that was it for her. I saw her really, truly pissed off for the first time ever. She went OFF. Afterwards, she said she was sorry and she walked out of the living room and went into the bedroom. I went after her, to let her know it was okay and she didn't need to be sorry, and when I got there, she was facing the wall, with her fist clenched. She swung her arm back, like she was going to punch the wall, but she hesitated and after a few seconds put her arm back down and she started to cry. I began crying too, not because I was afraid, but just because I realized how much she had been holding inside and I felt badly for her. She didn't know I was there. But when she realized I was, and that I was crying, she felt even more awful than she did before, and she told me she couldn't be there..she said she needed to get away and she packed a bag and went to her mom's for a few days
Since she came back, she's been seeing a new counselor (who she seems to really like) twice a week and goes to a support group once a week. She had gone to a counselor a few times before but she didn't feel like she connected with her and she didn't think she really needed it anyway. She told me after she came back from her mom's that she was wrong, that she wanted to believe she could get through it on her own but she knew now that she couldn't. It's only been a couple of weeks so we will see what happens, but she does seem calmer and more relaxed and I can see that she's more determined than ever to get better.
So we are okay...if we can get through everything we have, I know we'll get through this as well, but I also know that what is happening in our country isn't going to go away anytime soon, and I'm sure it's not going to be last time it triggers anger, fear, or the past. I know we can't just shut our eyes and pretend it's not happening, but I also know we can't let it consume us. I'm desperately trying to find a balance. My fiance has suspended all of her social media accounts. All of them. I just joined Facebook at the end of 2015 but I'm thinking of doing the same. It's just too much. As it is now, I'm blocking all political posts on sight. I don't read them, don't care what side of the political spectrum they fall on, or who posts them, I can't deal with them. At work I have co-workers at both ends of the extreme, so if the conversation at work turns political, I walk away. I just have to. I watch the news and catch up on things when I feel like I can handle it emotionally, which isn't often lately.
How do you cope?
