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Post by sarah on Dec 23, 2017 2:33:42 GMT
Hi guys...Well..as the heading says,I am now in a safe house.After 9 months apart and no contact,him being involved with someone else and me trying to get on with my life-when that relationship ended guess who turned up at a friend's house while I was there begging for forgiveness,declaring their love with tears in their eyes and missed me so much..and guess who fell for that bull..Yes,I stupidly did.He played on my emotions AGAIN.The charm was switched on..lasted for 3 days then it all started up again..and I instantly regretted what I walked into..only this time funnily enough,I felt a lot stronger and what I had learned about abusers all came to the forefront of my mind-that was when I decided to kick myself but bide my time and get the hell out of the town or this was going to be a repeated pattern for years to come.It took me 4 weeks.4 weeks of pretending everything was alright.4 weeks of being called names again..repeatedly questioned,being ordered what to do and watching him think he had total control over me.To cut a long story short,I had to be sneaky and lie over a 2 day period and got the Police to help me grab what I could and just get out away from him.I did it.It took him 2 weeks to realise I had actually left the Town!He thinks I've gone 250 miles away when in fact I'm only 40 miles away but leaving him to think that and am far enough away from his bullying ways.I'm no contact again even though he's messaging me with the usual pathetic concerned charm he likes to use..but I feel so much better being away from him,from his town.No more outside influence either.I have completely cut him and anyone associated with him out of my life.There's a lot more I could write but just wanted to update really as not been around for a while and healing myself once again..I broke free once and I'll do it again..only this time it's for ever and for me to do that is why I'm here..in a safe house.
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janine
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Post by janine on Dec 27, 2017 0:12:04 GMT
Well done on seeing through his abuser charade and getting to a safe house! You knew what to do to stay safe and get back out again.
I left twice and went back, and the last time risking my life as his abuse got worse faster each time I went back. I regret that I didn't stay away the first time, but it was what I did and now I understand why. (Traumatic bonding)
I am proud of you!
What is next after the safe house? Or is it too soon to tell? Give yourself as much time at the safe house as you need. Time to regroup, refuel, reorganize.
It will be ok. You are one resourceful warrior woman!
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karen
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"Trust Your Journey"
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Post by karen on Dec 27, 2017 4:48:21 GMT
Hey Sarah, Wow my friend..hugs to you! I am sorry you found yourself in his grasp again, but so happy for you that you are safe! I know this had to be very difficult all around, but you found that strength and courage way down inside to break that bond!!
Take the time you need as Janine said and breathe, settle and rest. Many decisions to ponder for the next step, but you will get there. You are being so smart..going NO CONTACT, ignoring his texts and calls. He will keep on trying, he will try and wear you down. Lean on those around you if you need to in order to resist his charms. It is not easy. They don't give up easily. You are "woman, let them hear you roar!". One of my favorite songs by Helen Reddy..."I am Woman".
Let him think whatever he wants. It will be all about him, that is for sure!
One day at a time, we are here, let us know anytime you need an ear! I will check in often to see if you need anything!
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Post by sarah on Jan 23, 2018 22:11:48 GMT
Hello..and thank you both for your kind words and insight..everything was great in the safe house..I have made some good friends there and the support has been fantastic UNTIL they allowed a heroin user in the place.Now firstly,I'd like to put out there that this said user is actually a really nice girl..she's just had a rough and tough time and we all were supporting her as much as we could.It was becoming apparent though that she needed to be elsewhere though as she started buying heroin off the street and coming on smashed on it in front of is and the children that was there.She was also manipulating us and using our kindness as a weakness to buy her food or giving her money and the Mothers obviously did'nt want their children to see her in her states..We voiced our concerns to the staff and they didn't take much notice.Then we had a house meeting...we got told that if we suspected anyone of using alcohol or drugs in the premises we needed to inform them or we face eviction because if we did'nt then we'd be condoning it.Understood.THAT night,she came in worse for wear again..around the children again and it was causing upset so it was decided that I should go report it to the staff member that was on.So I did.Another staff member came out,We were kept away from here and unaware of what was going on.I just got told later that I was to be seen at noon the next day.At that appointment I got given my marching orders!!I asked why..because I called them out with no proof!!I couldn't believe it!!I said a few other things regarding the issue but this was the sole reason why I got evicted!Words were being put into my mouth and my reasoning with them fell on deaf ears and the comment about reporting it got denied even though there is several others that can vouch that that was said!They offered me another safe house to go to but it was going to be nearer to him or further away and I did'nt want neither considering I wasn't at fault so I am back in the Lions den.I can't relax here..am expecting him to try his usual tactics which definitely will not work this time and God knows how he's going to react to that.The police and my support workers this end know of the risk I am back in so I'm protected that way but not worth much.They are helping me appeal the decision and to get moved back to the area where I was asap.I can't believe it!
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Post by karen on Jan 24, 2018 2:28:01 GMT
Hey Sarah..WOW..that is just WRONG! Are you back with your ex boyfriend? They had no other option for you? Geez..that just doesn't sound right. You chose to go back to him instead of another safe house that was just closer? I may be missing something in what you wrote. Sorry if I am.
I would ask to speak to a supervisor and going forward, record everything. I have never been in a safe house, but if heroin users are allowed in how safe can it be? I would think using drugs would not be allowed and for some reason they screwed you over.
This stinks Sarah..if you can..please stay safe and be smart. You know what your ex is like and he will use his tactics...there is no doubt. Please be safe! Call the police if you have to and really, find a supervisor at the Safe House..there has to be someone there who is honest and does the right thing.
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janine
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Post by janine on Jan 24, 2018 22:22:20 GMT
Man, that is crazy. And not ok. You have my compassion, and I am sorry the shelter acted this unprofessionally.
If you feel you are in danger in your current location, take whatever action is needed to get out of the city you are in.
I hope once that is cleared up you can find a peaceful place to work on the long-term solution.
From what I am hearing you are now back in your own house?
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Post by sarah on Jan 27, 2018 0:58:34 GMT
Hi both..yes it is so wrong...my support worker here rang the worker so we could appeal against the decision that put me out and she LIED and said I went voluntarily!!And because she didn't give me any paperwork I can't appeal..so then she rang her boss and she said pretty much the same thing..but my support worker even said it sounds like she was just backing her up..Anyway,I've put in a complaint letter and that has to be dealt with properly regardless of what they are saying.I have proof on my phone that I'm telling the truth and forwarded it on to my support worker and the other service users can and will back me up too.
Yes,I went back to the same town he's in but I am NOT nor shall be with him ever again..and he now knows I'm back..he has already hassled a mutual friend and has tried getting another friends number because he knows where I've been but so far hasn't come to my place.I don't think he will because he knows the Police will get involved then..he'll try catch me when I'm out and about..but I am so not interested in him at all..there's no chance of me falling for his bull again.
I refused to go into the other refuges available because they couldn't guarantee there'd be addicts there too so it was my choice to return home in that aspect as I don't want to be living in that situation eithe and I should'nt have been put in that situation in the first place!BUT,I have applied for homes back in the area that I was in whether it be private or social housing..so hopefully something will come up soon..my support worker helping me with that also.My ex doesn't scare me..I want away from here because of the stress he has caused me and the reminders and the interfering in my life he likes to do.I am not the same weak woman that loved him anymore..I'm stronger and even more determined and I don't feel anything for him anymore..I just want to be free and at peace.
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Post by karen on Jan 28, 2018 13:43:56 GMT
Good for you Sarah!!! You are doing all the right things and I feel like you will find what you need. I was just worried that you were back with him. I completely understand about living in the same town. I recently moved for the 2nd time after leaving my exes and I have finally found a really nice place to live where there are no "bad memories" associated with the ex-husband or my ex-boyfriend. It is a really nice feeling to be in a place that is safe and memory free, I am able to make new memories which is really nice.
Do you own Pepper Spray? Or do they sell it in your local hardware store? It might pay to get some. I know you can order them on Amazon, online. It can be on your key ring. It is just another way to defend yourself if he tries anything and you can't get the police involved quick enough. It's just a thought. It isn't as strong as Mace, but I know many women who like to jog or exercise outside carry it with them, especially if they are alone. It is just a tool in case you need to protect yourself and it is just enough protection to allow you to get away from an attacker. Mail carriers use it or carry it in case they encounter a dog or animal that is aggressive.
You deserve to be free and all the peace you can muster! My fingers are crossed that you will find a new home soon! Thinking of you Sarah!
Karen
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