Post by polarone on Oct 18, 2017 8:02:51 GMT
Halloween and Christmas coming up... The first in four years that I haven't spent with my ex.
Not that Christmases have ever been happy. One Christmas eve my ex had a massive go at me, because my daughter was sat in the middle of us, she went into a passive aggressive mood and afterwards told me it was because she was fed up on my eight year old daughter sitting in the middle of us all the time on the sofa. Naturally upset by this I fell over myself trying to explain that we were a family, and she didn't spend that much time with me and my daughter, and that it was a nice thing that my daughter wanted to sit next to her. She blew and told me I didn't get what she was saying, that it was unfair to neglect her needs and sometimes she needed to sit by me alone. As she had previously said mean and cruel things to me about my daughter, I took this to heart and she made me believe I just didn't understand her and was in the wrong for not getting it.
Another Christmas my daughter was 11, and she was in a bit of a mood and wanted to hurry christmas dinner that my ex had prepared so she could go to her nans and open presents and visit her cousins. As my ex had worked hard preparing the dinner I felt empathetic when she was upset at my daughters wanting to hurry to go and visit family and open presents, but tried to explain that while I understood it was upsetting for her that she had been cooking and my daughter just wanted to leave the table, that she was in fact a child and eager to open her presents and to not take it to heart. My ex then refused to visit our family, I had to go on my own while she went to bed for the night, Christmas eve, calling me names, leaving me to clean up all the dishes etc.she then refused to speak to me all Christmas night and I was left alone. Again, the next day despite feeling like she had overreacted, I was apologising and am ashamed to say made my daughter apologise, who was crying, even though I knew she hadn't done anything wrong, she was just a kid who wanted to open presents, even though she had hurt my exes feelings.
My ex also threw our Christmas tree over in temper.
The last Christmas was going ok. My ex had done a lot as I have MS and was having a relapse at the time, she had done most of the shopping. Christmas eve came and a friend text me and she was calling me a whore and slag. We went to sleep, made up the next day, we went to visit her family members then out for a Christmas meal. My ex also has MS and was feeling tired. She then drove us to visit my family, just before she was saying how tired she was and how she wished we didn't have to visit my family. The year before she hadn't come because of the row over my daughter and it was embarrassing for me as my family had bought her gifts etc that she never even thanked them for... So as she was saying how tired she was after the drive, trying to appease her I said don't feel like you have to come, if you feel tired I could go myself and come home quickly. She went mad, calling me names, telling me I'd upset her making her feel like I didn't want her there. Even Crazy things like my family knew I had cheated on her so that's why I didn't want her going. This went on for an hour and I had to calm her down. Eventually we went to visit my family. I was on edge the whole time. My ex made a point of whispering things to me, Insults about my niece and my family, I felt on edge. I kept asking if she was ok, was she ready to leave now, she answered no, we can leave whenever you want, loud enough so that my family heard, I said ok just let me know when you are ready to go and went to get myself another glass of wine, conscious that if I said come on let's come she would perhaps then go back and accuse me as she did previously of not wanting her there or wanting to leave for crazy reasons eg that my family had a cheating Conspiracy again her. When I came back my ex was glaring at me, she told me to come outside with her, and said aggressively, I want to leave now. My daughter decided to stay behind, as we had only been there half an hour, and she wanted to spend more time with her cousins, nans and toys.all the way home in the car she called me selfish, a whore, insulted my family, the gifts I'd bought her, I was threatened that she would hit me if I answered back(she had hit me before this and worse, and afterwards some months later she would try to suffocate me with a pipe), she said this was all my fault as she had been driving all day and she was tired and I was selfish pouring another glass of wine, I cried, begged her to stop, she called me a bad mother for leaving my daughter behind, just endless names and abuse, no one likes me, my friends are slags, I'm a slag, ugly, stupid, I spent the night on the sofa crying, Christmas night, and the next morning she put all my presents into a black bag and threw me out.
Still, I went back, thinking that it was my fault, that I had been selfish.
Have I got this all wrong? Was I selfish? I am constantly plagued by doubt, even though she was the most selfish person I've ever met and did worse, more thoughtless things, and it was always my fault. I am glad to not have another Christmas like this but I'm scared of being alone, thinking of all the nice things that she did, even though I knew she didn't care about me
Not that Christmases have ever been happy. One Christmas eve my ex had a massive go at me, because my daughter was sat in the middle of us, she went into a passive aggressive mood and afterwards told me it was because she was fed up on my eight year old daughter sitting in the middle of us all the time on the sofa. Naturally upset by this I fell over myself trying to explain that we were a family, and she didn't spend that much time with me and my daughter, and that it was a nice thing that my daughter wanted to sit next to her. She blew and told me I didn't get what she was saying, that it was unfair to neglect her needs and sometimes she needed to sit by me alone. As she had previously said mean and cruel things to me about my daughter, I took this to heart and she made me believe I just didn't understand her and was in the wrong for not getting it.
Another Christmas my daughter was 11, and she was in a bit of a mood and wanted to hurry christmas dinner that my ex had prepared so she could go to her nans and open presents and visit her cousins. As my ex had worked hard preparing the dinner I felt empathetic when she was upset at my daughters wanting to hurry to go and visit family and open presents, but tried to explain that while I understood it was upsetting for her that she had been cooking and my daughter just wanted to leave the table, that she was in fact a child and eager to open her presents and to not take it to heart. My ex then refused to visit our family, I had to go on my own while she went to bed for the night, Christmas eve, calling me names, leaving me to clean up all the dishes etc.she then refused to speak to me all Christmas night and I was left alone. Again, the next day despite feeling like she had overreacted, I was apologising and am ashamed to say made my daughter apologise, who was crying, even though I knew she hadn't done anything wrong, she was just a kid who wanted to open presents, even though she had hurt my exes feelings.
My ex also threw our Christmas tree over in temper.
The last Christmas was going ok. My ex had done a lot as I have MS and was having a relapse at the time, she had done most of the shopping. Christmas eve came and a friend text me and she was calling me a whore and slag. We went to sleep, made up the next day, we went to visit her family members then out for a Christmas meal. My ex also has MS and was feeling tired. She then drove us to visit my family, just before she was saying how tired she was and how she wished we didn't have to visit my family. The year before she hadn't come because of the row over my daughter and it was embarrassing for me as my family had bought her gifts etc that she never even thanked them for... So as she was saying how tired she was after the drive, trying to appease her I said don't feel like you have to come, if you feel tired I could go myself and come home quickly. She went mad, calling me names, telling me I'd upset her making her feel like I didn't want her there. Even Crazy things like my family knew I had cheated on her so that's why I didn't want her going. This went on for an hour and I had to calm her down. Eventually we went to visit my family. I was on edge the whole time. My ex made a point of whispering things to me, Insults about my niece and my family, I felt on edge. I kept asking if she was ok, was she ready to leave now, she answered no, we can leave whenever you want, loud enough so that my family heard, I said ok just let me know when you are ready to go and went to get myself another glass of wine, conscious that if I said come on let's come she would perhaps then go back and accuse me as she did previously of not wanting her there or wanting to leave for crazy reasons eg that my family had a cheating Conspiracy again her. When I came back my ex was glaring at me, she told me to come outside with her, and said aggressively, I want to leave now. My daughter decided to stay behind, as we had only been there half an hour, and she wanted to spend more time with her cousins, nans and toys.all the way home in the car she called me selfish, a whore, insulted my family, the gifts I'd bought her, I was threatened that she would hit me if I answered back(she had hit me before this and worse, and afterwards some months later she would try to suffocate me with a pipe), she said this was all my fault as she had been driving all day and she was tired and I was selfish pouring another glass of wine, I cried, begged her to stop, she called me a bad mother for leaving my daughter behind, just endless names and abuse, no one likes me, my friends are slags, I'm a slag, ugly, stupid, I spent the night on the sofa crying, Christmas night, and the next morning she put all my presents into a black bag and threw me out.
Still, I went back, thinking that it was my fault, that I had been selfish.
Have I got this all wrong? Was I selfish? I am constantly plagued by doubt, even though she was the most selfish person I've ever met and did worse, more thoughtless things, and it was always my fault. I am glad to not have another Christmas like this but I'm scared of being alone, thinking of all the nice things that she did, even though I knew she didn't care about me
