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Post by xmas13 on Oct 17, 2017 23:01:01 GMT
What a complete fool I feel, abused yet again. I was doing so well, hence I havnt been on here for a few months. After the last throwing me out the car, almost killing us both, that was the final straw for me. I have 2 children and 2 grandchildren and I just couldn’t take anymore. I blocked him and tried to move on. Forward and it’s our anniversary and I have sleepless nights on what do I do. We all ways promised that what ever the circumstances we would always meet at the same spot at the same time.... I just couldn’t. It has taken so much work, tears self care to get to where I was, I had to make a stand and I didn’t go !!! But I was a mess that day. I took him off block the day before thinking he will text to say he won’t be there, he didn’t !! On the day 15 min after I should have been there he text 1 kiss, nothing else only that, I broke my heart and felt awful. I was strong and didn’t respond. I have my best friend back and she has been such a support, I callled her and bawled my eyes out. That evening he sent me an email full of how hurt he was, not angry just totally devastated!!!! I broke my heart again. It took 2 weeks for me to respond I just could not leave it !! Fast forward we talked text back and forward then nothing !! I blocked him again !! Fast forward again and I get an email a week ago, 8 weeks since the last contract. Full of bullshit pure and utter lies just bullshite, but I fell for it AGAIN !!! We met up and he almost caused a crash, he called me a liar he demanded I no longer meet my accountant, I do not move my business, I stop working so much and I tell a friend male that I lied to him about my ex stalking me..... I hung up the phone as I was in tears after only 48 hours of this monster and right there was the real reason he contacted me for me to make a complete arse of myself, to lie to someone I had been honest with all to save his ego !!!!! My gut was right, from the start I just knew there was more to his contact !!! Well ladies I have I am very proud to say I feel finally booted this monster out of my life and this time I feel so so strong and confident I could run around so happy that I can now after 9 years of emotional and physical ABUSE, made to feel I didn’t matter and a trillion other soul and spirt murder TURNED THAT CORNER AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT MONSTER COULD SAY OR DO THAT WOULD CHANGE MY MIND, nothing !!!! I have blocked him today at 9 am before I went to my breakfast meeting with my accountant and at that meeting I was relaxed, elated and held my head up high because with not much interaction form that monster my turn over, net profit for this year has rocketed !!! So be strong ladies, you can do this it’s not easy and I am all to aware of the sick tummy feelings when we revert back to how we perceived it to be, sorry but it wasn’t what we thought it was, we were all being played by a real life MONSTER !! Finally he said to me quote !” If I ever find out you have been bad mouthing me, trust me it will be the last thing you do” my reply calmly !!! Karma, and you will and have done that all by yourself, I don’t have to say a word !!! But I await that phone call from your next VICTIM !! His face was going to explode !!!!!
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Post by sarah on Oct 18, 2017 1:50:42 GMT
Hi..Well done you for standing your ground..I'm 9 months out of my emotionally(nearly physically)abusive relationship and I too have come so far..no contact..working on myself etc..back into work..when I heard today that my ex is very remorseful..still loves me..wishes things were different and if he could change things he would..that broke my heart today..all the strength and anger and bitterness and hurt I have felt all this time just seemed to flow out with my tears..Truth is,I still love him..always did and maybe always will and I found myself wondering if it was worth talking to him face to face..feeling like I needed some sort of closure..answers..But after thinking about it and going back to what I learnt,this is what they do..heck,I even told someone on here exactly that as it's another tactic-in my case because he's recently split from his rebound relationship.And I thought,it's just words..the same ones I've heard man times before.why put myself through the old feelings again when he's very good at playing with the emotions game?..Now unless they've done the hard work of going to therapy and sticking with it(mine has'nt)there's no chance of changing and things would'nt be different.And that is what's keeping me away from him.Just keep on going forward and not back.
I think I cried because I genuinely do think he's remorseful as I KNOW I was the best gf he would ever have and now he KNOWS it.That apology-even though it wasn't said directly to me was my closure.But it is so easy to be caught up with them again even if having no intention of going back.Stay strong.
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Post by xmas13 on Oct 18, 2017 8:32:22 GMT
Morning Sara, that is exactly what happened to me, remorseful, apologies so wish it had been different sorry for how he treated ect ect ect all total BULLSHIT. I’m glad you see through it like I have this time, but unlike you I do not think that it’s real it’s a huge big TACTIC to get us back. Not a lot of Tim just now but I will log in tonight take care and massively well done x
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Post by xmas13 on Oct 18, 2017 21:48:04 GMT
I picked up the The strength and checked my email, I haven’t blocked that as yet and sure enough 2 emails from yesterday... I am actually scared to check it tonight. I just caught sight of the first line “ if u have changed your mind have the decency to tell me “ !!!! I didn’t read any further and put both in to a folder I have kept of most emails and text messages. I’m not going to read either of them, not now I’m not strong enough. My problem tonight is I feel bad for just cutting him off with no explanation, although he has done this to me many times, is it just an excuse for me to in some self abusive way to hurt myself ? I’m just sitting here feeling bad for that, but what I do know is that my pain, his abuse falls on death ears he turns it all around, which really messes with my head and I just can’t take anymore of that !! Advice is greatly appreciated x
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Post by sarah on Oct 19, 2017 2:15:39 GMT
I think you feel bad because you've been CONDITIONED to feel that way in the past.AND because you're a decent human being who wouldn't treat anybody the way you was.And I also think That's it's normal..We go through all different stages of emotions at different times..it's how we deal with it that's important.But you should'nt feel guilty for protecting yourself.I feel a lot different than I did yesterday..I got another message today via a friend..another sorry..and I know any kind of response is feeding their ego but I couldn't help myself and told my friend to tell him to stick his apology where the Sun don't shine.I've also had missed calls from a private number which I'm suspecting might be him but as far as I'm aware he has'nt got it unless he's managed to get it.Private numbers are blocked anyway so no chance of him getting through to me.
They have a habit of trying to wheedle their way back into our minds and it works to an extent hence why we're on here battling with our emotions still but we know what the best thing we can do...and that is to just keep sticking to our boundaries and be stronger..You will be ok.
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