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Moving on
Oct 13, 2017 6:35:00 GMT
via mobile
Post by polarone on Oct 13, 2017 6:35:00 GMT
I basically didn't tell my ex about the circumstances around my daughter's conception, 12 years ago when I was 15/16. I kept it hidden from her because I was ashamed. She would always then use it against me. Even though I tried to explain why I wasn't honest with her and hoped she would forgive me, understand etc I know I didn't deserve the violence, I wouldn't do that to anyone, whatever they did to me, but I can't stop torturing myself with 'perhaps I messed her up by lying to her'... Have started reading the book suggested on here.
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Post by sarah on Oct 15, 2017 4:34:06 GMT
You haven't messed her up at all Polarone..She already had issues which you-whether you told her or not would've still been treated badly. I'm so glad you're reading that book..I have it too..I call it my "Bible" and I have read it more than once and refer to it now and again.It can take a while for you to process everything and heal but please do whatever you can..get counselling as well if you feel you need it..there is other help out there too. Your healing starts now..well done you on getting the book and coming on here.Be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time.
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Moving on
Oct 15, 2017 9:43:27 GMT
via mobile
Post by polarone on Oct 15, 2017 9:43:27 GMT
I just have to remind myself that I Wouldnt treat anyone the way I was treated, regardless of what they did, just can't stop blaming myself wondering if what I did pushed my ex to it. It's a horrible feeling.
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Post by karen on Oct 15, 2017 19:18:41 GMT
You wouldn't treat someone like that because you are a good, kind, giving person. You don't believe that hurting someone on purpose is a good thing to do in order to get what you want. That feeling may take a while to fade.
She did a really good effort at making you feel like this is all your fault. We have that little voice inside of us that makes us think the worse. Perhaps, write it on a Post It note and stick it on the mirror in your room, and the mirror in your bathroom, even on your kitchen cabinets. SO everyday, you see the words "IT IS NOT MY FAULT"..or "I DID NOT CAUSE THE ABUSE". You may need to see it in print, everyday so you can start to believe it. When I first got out of the last abusive relationship, I had notes everywhere. I bought a calendar of positive thoughts, I bought another calendar of how good it is to be a woman, anything that was self-affirming. It helped. I got to a point where I didn't need all those notes to help me realize that I am a good person. I didn't "drive" the ex to drink, I didn't cause my ex-husband to tease me or call me names. I started to trust that feeling.
It may seem silly, but at this point, perhaps having that Affirmation on a daily basis will help you to shift your thinking when those negative thoughts surface and begin to take over. Every little thing helps us to heal and go forward.
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