Post by whendoesitend on Jun 5, 2017 17:07:53 GMT
I'm so glad I've found this forum. For the last few days I have felt like I'm going to go crazy. I've been so upset. And also upset and angry at myself for being upset about the situation.
ive just found out my abusive ex has a new partner and a 1 year old baby. I'm really struggling with this. Like to the point it's had me in tears. I hate the thought of him having this with someone else.him being happy content and having all the things in life I so badly wanted, and wanted with him.
He was my boyfriend and best friend for 6 years. My first love. I loved him with every fibre of my being.
He could be so lovely. He was the one who hurt me emotionally (and later on physically and sexually) but he was also the one who made it all better. I felt safe with him. Which sounds obsurd I know!
he was very nice to me between all the nastiness, gifts,flowers,meals out,holidays, cinema, days out , cuddles,kisses, ,telling me he loved me all the time, daily texts and calls etc.
The abuse started as name calling, putting me down, making me feel stupid in front of other people, mind games, threats of if you do ..........(whatever it was at the time) I will leave you, general emotional abuse. To that "look" he would give me. A look of hatred and disgust almost. Then things like getting too rough when play fighting, throwing me on the floor when he had had enough, "accidentally" elbowing me in the face etc until it escalated to more physical abuse. I couldn't see what was happening right in front of me for a long time. I finally reached out to my mums vicar at her church who put me in touch with the domestic abuse team. I was shocked once I realise exactly what had been happening. I worked with the domestic abuse team for a while and finally gathered the courage to leave him.(after suggesting he got help for his behaviour and him saying that he would think about it but only couples therapy and the didn't go anyway) It was the hardest thing I have EVER done!!! I still loved him completely but I knew what was happening wasn't right. Anyway after leaving him he continued to pester me on and off for 5 years! Text me assuages, phone calls, turning up at places I was at, leaving his car outside my house while he went to visit a friend who lived the other side of town. Text begging for me back and texts being nasty etc. I changed my mobile number various time but he always found it out and used friends phones or pay as you go phones to contact me when I blocked his number. It got towards the end of the 5 years of him pestering me (by which time he was already with someone else) but he would still send messages saying he still though about me all the time and so many things reminded me of him and that we should give it another go. I gave in and said let's give it another go then. To which he replied "oh no I'm with someone else now. I wouldn't do that to her. Plus it's been so long now that we have been apart." I truly felt like I had been punched in the stomach!
He has left me alone since then. Not heard a thing from him. But I still think of him often. A lot of things remind me of him and times we had together. It's like he's stuck inside my head. He pulled me in completely and I don't feel that I have ever been able to properly get over it. The thoughts of him had lessened recently. Until stupid me went and looked at his Facebook profile on Friday. What on earth posessed me I shall never know! And that's when I saw it. Him with his new partner and their one year old baby girl. I literally felt my heart break. I was so so upset by this. All the thoughts of "why not me?" "Has he changed?",does he treat her better than me, what was wrong with me, that's what we wanted a future together why wouldn't he sort himself out for me? Etc etc. He looks so happy. They all do. It just seems so unfair. He treated me so badly but now he has a lovely house,new partner, baby,great job, cars etc etc. And I'm left with generalised anxiety disorder, depression, separation anxiety and struggling with any relationships I have had. I'm currently in a relationship now and have been for 4 years. I got with my current partner the same year as my abusive ex finally started to leave me alone. So now I feel even more guilty about feeling so upset about all this. I keep thinking what if.....what if I had given him another chance or just been stronger and dealt with his behaviour. That could be us now. Happy and together. Like it felt we should be.
I don't want to feel like this. I don't understand it. Why would you feel love and longing for someone that treated you so badly. It doesn't make sense. And yet I can't get him out of my head.its like obsessive thoughts since I've seen his profile. I get a huge sinking empty feeling in my belly when I think about it. I hate this
ive just found out my abusive ex has a new partner and a 1 year old baby. I'm really struggling with this. Like to the point it's had me in tears. I hate the thought of him having this with someone else.him being happy content and having all the things in life I so badly wanted, and wanted with him.
He was my boyfriend and best friend for 6 years. My first love. I loved him with every fibre of my being.
He could be so lovely. He was the one who hurt me emotionally (and later on physically and sexually) but he was also the one who made it all better. I felt safe with him. Which sounds obsurd I know!
he was very nice to me between all the nastiness, gifts,flowers,meals out,holidays, cinema, days out , cuddles,kisses, ,telling me he loved me all the time, daily texts and calls etc.
The abuse started as name calling, putting me down, making me feel stupid in front of other people, mind games, threats of if you do ..........(whatever it was at the time) I will leave you, general emotional abuse. To that "look" he would give me. A look of hatred and disgust almost. Then things like getting too rough when play fighting, throwing me on the floor when he had had enough, "accidentally" elbowing me in the face etc until it escalated to more physical abuse. I couldn't see what was happening right in front of me for a long time. I finally reached out to my mums vicar at her church who put me in touch with the domestic abuse team. I was shocked once I realise exactly what had been happening. I worked with the domestic abuse team for a while and finally gathered the courage to leave him.(after suggesting he got help for his behaviour and him saying that he would think about it but only couples therapy and the didn't go anyway) It was the hardest thing I have EVER done!!! I still loved him completely but I knew what was happening wasn't right. Anyway after leaving him he continued to pester me on and off for 5 years! Text me assuages, phone calls, turning up at places I was at, leaving his car outside my house while he went to visit a friend who lived the other side of town. Text begging for me back and texts being nasty etc. I changed my mobile number various time but he always found it out and used friends phones or pay as you go phones to contact me when I blocked his number. It got towards the end of the 5 years of him pestering me (by which time he was already with someone else) but he would still send messages saying he still though about me all the time and so many things reminded me of him and that we should give it another go. I gave in and said let's give it another go then. To which he replied "oh no I'm with someone else now. I wouldn't do that to her. Plus it's been so long now that we have been apart." I truly felt like I had been punched in the stomach!
He has left me alone since then. Not heard a thing from him. But I still think of him often. A lot of things remind me of him and times we had together. It's like he's stuck inside my head. He pulled me in completely and I don't feel that I have ever been able to properly get over it. The thoughts of him had lessened recently. Until stupid me went and looked at his Facebook profile on Friday. What on earth posessed me I shall never know! And that's when I saw it. Him with his new partner and their one year old baby girl. I literally felt my heart break. I was so so upset by this. All the thoughts of "why not me?" "Has he changed?",does he treat her better than me, what was wrong with me, that's what we wanted a future together why wouldn't he sort himself out for me? Etc etc. He looks so happy. They all do. It just seems so unfair. He treated me so badly but now he has a lovely house,new partner, baby,great job, cars etc etc. And I'm left with generalised anxiety disorder, depression, separation anxiety and struggling with any relationships I have had. I'm currently in a relationship now and have been for 4 years. I got with my current partner the same year as my abusive ex finally started to leave me alone. So now I feel even more guilty about feeling so upset about all this. I keep thinking what if.....what if I had given him another chance or just been stronger and dealt with his behaviour. That could be us now. Happy and together. Like it felt we should be.
I don't want to feel like this. I don't understand it. Why would you feel love and longing for someone that treated you so badly. It doesn't make sense. And yet I can't get him out of my head.its like obsessive thoughts since I've seen his profile. I get a huge sinking empty feeling in my belly when I think about it. I hate this
