w
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Posts: 22 
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Post by w on Mar 28, 2014 22:26:19 GMT
This sounds ridiculous but I feel more unsafe not knowing what my abuser is doing than I did when she was harassing me. Its like at least when she was constantly messaging me, I knew what she was thinking and feeling, but now I have no idea what she could do. I'm terrified that she is doing things to harm me or my reputation without me being aware. When I get home I check my house to make sure she isn't there. I want to go to the police, but most of the evidence I have is over a year old. Is there any point trying to get a restraining order or will it do more harm than good?
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steve
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Post by steve on Mar 29, 2014 15:17:35 GMT
It is kind of normal to feel uncomfortable when they suddenly disappear. It's actually one reason people go back - that way, at least they know what the abuser is doing and can act to assume some control. When there is nothing, it can lead to a big increase in anxiety.
What kind of things has she done or threatened to do in the past? If you want to get a restraining order, it would have to be fairly serious stuff in the eyes of the law (it is all very serious in reality, but a lot of abuse is not illegal) for a TRO to be granted a year later. On the other hand, is it possible she's given up and found a new victim? It could be a sign that things are going to improve. The hard part is not knowing what it means.
I'd encourage you to breathe deeply and consider what she really could accomplish. Your reputation is based on what you do, not what she says, and you can't stop her from passing stories around anyway. What can she really do to you? If you can rationally answer that question, and plan for the realistic possibilities where you have some control, and then let go of the rest, you can get on with your life.
Remember that she's still been abusing you, and much of how you feel is a consequence of that. Don't give her more power than necessary. Protect yourself, but don't live in fear. That's what she wants you to do. See if you can get started doing some of the things you used to love, and start spending that energy you used to spend worrying about her on something more productive. Unless she can physically injure you or force you to lose a job, what can she really do to hurt you?
---- Steve
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w
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Posts: 22
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Post by w on Mar 29, 2014 21:02:32 GMT
The worst part is not knowing. I feel like I'm waiting for her to come and find me. The law is so vague, I'm not sure what would and what wouldn't be serious. Every time I think I've moved on and she'll leave me alone, she reappears. To be honest, the worst she can do would be to get to me, and she already has. There's not a huge amount more she can do.
I hope for everyones sake she's given up. I want to move on with my life!
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Post by Finally Free on Apr 13, 2014 2:36:13 GMT
Reporting to the Police and being given a restraining order at least has helped me relax slightly and eventually sleep, its awful not knowing what state of mind the abuser is in and your own mind can go crazy with scenarios due to anxiety. The restraining order has been breached a few times but at least I feel like I have some safe security around me. Its easier said than done to say just stop worrying, living in fear is one of the most difficult feelings to deal with, you can try to change your thinking and it does work for the short term but I think doing something positive to change your life, such as reporting abuse and obtaining a restraining order does help....good luck x
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Post by ac on Apr 13, 2014 2:49:43 GMT
I know exactly how you feel. get more sleep as its exhausting
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