Post by Alena on Feb 27, 2014 23:35:30 GMT
Hello,
My name is Alena. I have a dear friend who I am very scared for. She is 29 and has been in a relationship with a 43-year old man for five years. Two years ago, she and I were at the gym together, changing in the locker room, and I noticed some bruises on her upper thighs. After we left I asked her about them. She laughed it off and said she and her boyfriend were "playing around" and he accidentally got a little carried away. She insisted that had never happened before and that he felt really bad about it. Ok. I know some couples are into that, so I let it go.
Forward about 6 months: we're out again together, when hher phone rings. She tells me it's him. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I could hear his voice and it didn't sound like a pleasant conversation. She excused herself at one point to finish the conversation, and when she came back, I could just tell something was wrong. She told me that he hates her famiky and that she feels like he's always putting her in the middle. A few days later, she had bruises on her arms. She said she was spring cleaning and she got them moving stuff. And a few months later I came to her house and she could barely walk. She said her back was bothering her. You get the idea.
The final straw was around 9 months ago when we were leaving her house to go somewhere, and as she was walking out the door, he grabbed her arm and pulled her aside and started whispering something to her. She had her head down and kept saying, "Okay, okay." When he let go of her, her eyes were red and watery. While we were out, I confronted her and told her that whatever was going on, it wasn't right, and I suggested she come and stay with me for a while. She said she couldn't. She said they were just having problems but they were working them out. Later she asked if I remembered when I first saw the bruises on her thighs. I said yes. Well, she said that he had gotten her into some light "kink" and she was totally into it at first, but gradually, he started pushing her limits and not listening to her when she says enough. When I saw the bruises on her at the gym, that was the first time she'd asked him to stop and he didn't. At first it was only in the bedroom, but lately it had moved out into the rest of their lives. She had packed her bags at one point and was ready to move out, but he convinced her to stay by promising he'd change and get help, and she said he really was getting better. Not from what I saw, that's for sure!
Well, two weeks later, more bruises on her arms. I hugged her, and when I touched her back, she about jumped out of her skin. I said, enough is enough. I told her she had to get out, that he wasn't going to change and it was only going to get worse. She started crying but said she had to give him a chance. I wanted to ask her how many chances, exactly, but I held my tongue. I don't know if that was the right thing. After that, she avoided my calls for several weeks, and when she finally started calling me back, she said we could hang out, but only if I didn't say anything or ask questions about her relationship. I reluctantly agreed because I didn't want to lose her completely. So we are talking and doing things together but it's very hard not being able to say what I'm really thinking, especially when she's got marks all over her. I thought if I kept my mouth shut for long enough, she'd open up to me, but she goes on, smiling and acting as if everything is wonderful, when I can see the truth all over her face.
I am at a loss of what to do. I'm scared to death that he is going to seriously injure her or worse. I think all the time of just walking away and washing my hands of it all, but I just can't. We've been friends for way too long.
Is there anything I can do?
My name is Alena. I have a dear friend who I am very scared for. She is 29 and has been in a relationship with a 43-year old man for five years. Two years ago, she and I were at the gym together, changing in the locker room, and I noticed some bruises on her upper thighs. After we left I asked her about them. She laughed it off and said she and her boyfriend were "playing around" and he accidentally got a little carried away. She insisted that had never happened before and that he felt really bad about it. Ok. I know some couples are into that, so I let it go.
Forward about 6 months: we're out again together, when hher phone rings. She tells me it's him. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I could hear his voice and it didn't sound like a pleasant conversation. She excused herself at one point to finish the conversation, and when she came back, I could just tell something was wrong. She told me that he hates her famiky and that she feels like he's always putting her in the middle. A few days later, she had bruises on her arms. She said she was spring cleaning and she got them moving stuff. And a few months later I came to her house and she could barely walk. She said her back was bothering her. You get the idea.
The final straw was around 9 months ago when we were leaving her house to go somewhere, and as she was walking out the door, he grabbed her arm and pulled her aside and started whispering something to her. She had her head down and kept saying, "Okay, okay." When he let go of her, her eyes were red and watery. While we were out, I confronted her and told her that whatever was going on, it wasn't right, and I suggested she come and stay with me for a while. She said she couldn't. She said they were just having problems but they were working them out. Later she asked if I remembered when I first saw the bruises on her thighs. I said yes. Well, she said that he had gotten her into some light "kink" and she was totally into it at first, but gradually, he started pushing her limits and not listening to her when she says enough. When I saw the bruises on her at the gym, that was the first time she'd asked him to stop and he didn't. At first it was only in the bedroom, but lately it had moved out into the rest of their lives. She had packed her bags at one point and was ready to move out, but he convinced her to stay by promising he'd change and get help, and she said he really was getting better. Not from what I saw, that's for sure!
Well, two weeks later, more bruises on her arms. I hugged her, and when I touched her back, she about jumped out of her skin. I said, enough is enough. I told her she had to get out, that he wasn't going to change and it was only going to get worse. She started crying but said she had to give him a chance. I wanted to ask her how many chances, exactly, but I held my tongue. I don't know if that was the right thing. After that, she avoided my calls for several weeks, and when she finally started calling me back, she said we could hang out, but only if I didn't say anything or ask questions about her relationship. I reluctantly agreed because I didn't want to lose her completely. So we are talking and doing things together but it's very hard not being able to say what I'm really thinking, especially when she's got marks all over her. I thought if I kept my mouth shut for long enough, she'd open up to me, but she goes on, smiling and acting as if everything is wonderful, when I can see the truth all over her face.
I am at a loss of what to do. I'm scared to death that he is going to seriously injure her or worse. I think all the time of just walking away and washing my hands of it all, but I just can't. We've been friends for way too long.
Is there anything I can do?
