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Post by confused on Jan 29, 2014 0:43:04 GMT
I am bullied by my boyfriend, I get mistreated, used and ignored daily. I am sometimes physically abused, but not on a serious level. What hurts the most about what is going on is that he is never sorry, he doesn't try and make it better. He just made a critical comment about me during intercourse, pulled out and then when he returned, complained that I was dry. I told him it bothered me afterwards he said nothing and is now on the computer completely ignoring me. We had sex purely for his enjoyment, couldn't he at least apologize for not being respectful and grateful when I was just trying to please him...
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Post by Janine 1984 on Jan 29, 2014 1:40:30 GMT
Hey you and welcome here,
It does sound like you are experience domestic violence and that your partner is an abuser. If you can, a first step to find support and practical help is usually calling a domestic violence hotline. People there are trained to listen, give advice and they really do understand you and wont say things like: oh why dont you just leave him?
They know why it is hard to leave an abusive man.
You might find yourself interested in other resources such as the book "Why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft.
It is a very good first book to read if you wonder why your partner is enjoying to hurt you or why he doesnt get better and the abuse only gets worse over time.
What he does is not ok. It is mental, physical and sexual abuse. He is committing a crime against you that you could report to authorities.
What keeps us from doing that is the fear, the hope he will change and denial that "it really isnt that bad and he can be so sweet at times"
Plus most victims of abuse somehow think they caused it, it is their fault.
Which it never is.
Your boyfriend chooses to abuse you because he can control you that way.
There are ways out if you reach out for help like you did here. Be proud of yourself!!!
you deserve more than this. our home and partners should be places of safety and comfort.
not fear and sacrifice.
let us know if we can help you with anything specific. we are also always here to listen and we understand.
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Post by HH Lindsey on Jan 30, 2014 23:12:24 GMT
Hi confused and welcome, That is a horrible moment, when we realise that the other person is not sorry, and doesn't see the need to apologise. For me, it was a huge shock, when I finally realised that he did not think and feel the same way that I did, ie with concern and care for the other person. I was not really able to grasp it initially, and just kept going on at him, trying to get into a conversation in which I would be able to explain how I felt and he would actually understand it and then realise that his behaviour was hurtful and harmful and would respond with compassion and regret at how his actions had affected me. Each time I tried, I just came across the same blankness or the instant retort of 'but look at what you put ME through' or stuff like that. I think it is that lack of compassion, lack of empathy and lack of being able to see it from the perspective of others which enables them to act in such an abusive way. You or I couldn't because we would be concerned about hurting the other person and doing them harm, be it physically or emotionally. So I think that if you are hoping and waiting for him to be sorry or grateful or try to make things better, well, you are going to be waiting a long long time. You as why he isn't sorry and the basic answer is that he doesn't care, either can't be bothered to care or doesn't know how to care. Either way, you have two choices: keep trying to get through to him and hope one day that he will suddenly realise that he has been treating you badly (though there is pretty much no chance of that), or decide you can do better without all his mistreatment and using and then ignoring you. Maybe - like me - you may have to go through quite a number more horrible experiences just to prove to yourself the he really is not sorry and really does not care, but that is okay. We are here for you anyway  |
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Post by Jean812 on Feb 2, 2014 5:59:51 GMT
I gotta tell ya that when he pulled out and disappeared, he finished himself with Mr. Hand. He gets excited over being cruel to you. He reenters room and has nothing to explain to you and he ignores you. He has no need to explain himself. He is full of himself. He is shameless, yet would really be embarrassed if his secret were to get out. People would think he is odd to self-please when he has girlfriend waiting for him in bed. So he blames it on you.
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