Post by Janine 1984 on Jan 26, 2014 4:31:08 GMT
Funny timing- after I replied to a few messages today - my brother forwarded me an email our biological father had send him.
Long story short: I havent seen my biological father since I was about 3 years old. The last time I spoke to him was when he called my mother's house drunk. I must have been about 10 or 11 at that time. He could barely speak clearly and I hung up after listening to some babble about a brush he had gotten from me and that he kept because it reminded him of me.
My mother divorced him when I was 10 months old and my brother about 9 years. She found out he had been beaten my brother for years and abused him mentally as well, while she was working very hard in her own private practice to provide for the family. He was a stay at home father and did a very poorly job-drinking away all money brought home and such.
Now reading this email today was very interesting, after I have followed similar stories here on the forum for the past years.
He babbled on about how "I have always been his favorite child and what special BOND he had with me. Nobody could ever understand that special bond. He will never give up the search."
It is all so 100% typical abuser. He even wrote my brother he had been looking around for me while he boarded for an airplane out of the city he assumed I live in right now (I do believe my brother told him where I am living and working right now, as it is abroad and very far from the town of my father...luckily.) How sick can a father be to tell his adult son (God knows why my brother keeps in touch with him but that is for my brother to decide and his right to do) whom he had beaten up as a child that his sister was his favorite child.
Yeah. I have no words to say what I feel about this. It made me laugh actually.
If it wasnt so sad how sick these abusers are and what damage they cause for families over different generations- id say its great comical theater.
Like a "Willy Loman gone wrong -salesman" trying to sell lies about love and special bonds. Also the hidden threat that he "will keep searching" hahahahahah- havent seen the man in 27 years. He never bothered to send birthday cards or make sure he did get visitation rights or behaved like a normal father.
My goodness. It feels good to be an adult now and look at all that knowing a lot about domestic violence.
Knowing that my sick family has been the cause for me to seek out unhealthy boyfriends has been a blessing in many ways. We sometimes have to go back to the roots, find out what happened in our core family- and learn how not to repeat this in the next generation.
Im so thankful for everyone here who has helped me the past few years to escape abuse, overcome it and reflect on my learning and moving forward.
It is a long road to recovery but its beautiful. Now I can explore it all from a safe place, have lots of fun in my every day life and feel as if I grew past all that.
I am wishing all of you who are currently living in abuse or trying to get out a lot of strength and faith that you are meant to live a happier life. Look beyond the babble that comes out of their mouth.
ACTIONS show love, not words. Your abuser can say he loves you all he wants. What he does shows you how he really feels. Nothing more - nothing less. Its painful but once we accept that.....a liberation.
And for anyone with a laughable father like me- I hope you can also look back and realize we might have been born with a bad hand of cards, BUT we can turn the game around and decide how we play in the future. They do not get to define us. That is what only we do, every day of our life.
Long story short: I havent seen my biological father since I was about 3 years old. The last time I spoke to him was when he called my mother's house drunk. I must have been about 10 or 11 at that time. He could barely speak clearly and I hung up after listening to some babble about a brush he had gotten from me and that he kept because it reminded him of me.
My mother divorced him when I was 10 months old and my brother about 9 years. She found out he had been beaten my brother for years and abused him mentally as well, while she was working very hard in her own private practice to provide for the family. He was a stay at home father and did a very poorly job-drinking away all money brought home and such.
Now reading this email today was very interesting, after I have followed similar stories here on the forum for the past years.
He babbled on about how "I have always been his favorite child and what special BOND he had with me. Nobody could ever understand that special bond. He will never give up the search."
It is all so 100% typical abuser. He even wrote my brother he had been looking around for me while he boarded for an airplane out of the city he assumed I live in right now (I do believe my brother told him where I am living and working right now, as it is abroad and very far from the town of my father...luckily.) How sick can a father be to tell his adult son (God knows why my brother keeps in touch with him but that is for my brother to decide and his right to do) whom he had beaten up as a child that his sister was his favorite child.
Yeah. I have no words to say what I feel about this. It made me laugh actually.
If it wasnt so sad how sick these abusers are and what damage they cause for families over different generations- id say its great comical theater.
Like a "Willy Loman gone wrong -salesman" trying to sell lies about love and special bonds. Also the hidden threat that he "will keep searching" hahahahahah- havent seen the man in 27 years. He never bothered to send birthday cards or make sure he did get visitation rights or behaved like a normal father.
My goodness. It feels good to be an adult now and look at all that knowing a lot about domestic violence.
Knowing that my sick family has been the cause for me to seek out unhealthy boyfriends has been a blessing in many ways. We sometimes have to go back to the roots, find out what happened in our core family- and learn how not to repeat this in the next generation.
Im so thankful for everyone here who has helped me the past few years to escape abuse, overcome it and reflect on my learning and moving forward.
It is a long road to recovery but its beautiful. Now I can explore it all from a safe place, have lots of fun in my every day life and feel as if I grew past all that.
I am wishing all of you who are currently living in abuse or trying to get out a lot of strength and faith that you are meant to live a happier life. Look beyond the babble that comes out of their mouth.
ACTIONS show love, not words. Your abuser can say he loves you all he wants. What he does shows you how he really feels. Nothing more - nothing less. Its painful but once we accept that.....a liberation.
And for anyone with a laughable father like me- I hope you can also look back and realize we might have been born with a bad hand of cards, BUT we can turn the game around and decide how we play in the future. They do not get to define us. That is what only we do, every day of our life.