Post by paperpumpkin on Jan 25, 2014 16:09:47 GMT
Hello, I posted here a couple of years ago, but it's been a while. I left my husband 2 years ago, almost to the day actually, and really hoped things would be so much better by now. But it just keeps going on.
I have 3 boys aged 12-14, and we've been living in a cramped rented house for 2 years, while husband is still in the family home. His behaviour has been just exhausting since we left - endless e-mails (average 5 every day at one point), legal stuff, messing the boys around during visits etc. It doesn't sound much, but it's just constant. We've had psychologists involved, mediation, counselling etc etc. Just before xmas both psychologists agreed referral to the (Scottish) children's panel was necessary to safeguard the boys from his emotionally abusive behaviour. He's been told not to have any contact with the children for the time being. In theory this is fine, and gives us some peace, but I'm dreading what he's doing now. The referral to the Panel was very clear about his difficult behaviour, and in a sense it's lovely to see it in black and white - what I've lived with for years. But he's not happy about it and "there will be consequences". He's always threatening court etc, and making allegations about me (complete rubbish, but sound convincing), and I'm sure he's planning his next attack, rather than considering what's been said about him and trying to change his behaviour. It's never his fault - and usually mine.
Anyway, I'm due to hear from a Social Worker sometime soon, and the Panel will review the case. Maybe things will be clearer after that, but just now i feel in limbo, and don't know if i need to involve a lawyer, or just trust a social worker I've not even met yet.
And he resigned from work last month to avoid paying maintenance for the children.
And we're trying to sell the family home just now, and after a year on the market, got an ok offer yesterday which i want to accept, but he doesn't. I'm desperate to sell and be able to buy a little place of our own, and so are the boys.
And I need to change lawyer as it seems everything we've agreed between our lawyers isn't actually enforceable (maintenance, returning my property etc.), and her nice collaborative style just gets us nowhere.
I really though 2 years down the line life would be back on track, and actually if anything, there's more big stuff going on now than a year ago - though definitely that first year was the worst. Hoping this is things coming to a head and there will be some resolution, but just feeling really really stuck just now. Can't stop crying, and don't feel i can ask GP for antidepressants as social work will be looking at medical records apparently.
The boys are doing fine, and I will be too, I'm just conscious of being about to go under a microscope as we're investigated - but maybe it will draw a line under things. It's husband who the concerns are about, but he'll throw everything he can at me.
Any words of understanding or support? Feel so on my own with this. Friends have been good, but it's getting boring now, and no one really understands how difficult it is every single day.
Thanks.
I have 3 boys aged 12-14, and we've been living in a cramped rented house for 2 years, while husband is still in the family home. His behaviour has been just exhausting since we left - endless e-mails (average 5 every day at one point), legal stuff, messing the boys around during visits etc. It doesn't sound much, but it's just constant. We've had psychologists involved, mediation, counselling etc etc. Just before xmas both psychologists agreed referral to the (Scottish) children's panel was necessary to safeguard the boys from his emotionally abusive behaviour. He's been told not to have any contact with the children for the time being. In theory this is fine, and gives us some peace, but I'm dreading what he's doing now. The referral to the Panel was very clear about his difficult behaviour, and in a sense it's lovely to see it in black and white - what I've lived with for years. But he's not happy about it and "there will be consequences". He's always threatening court etc, and making allegations about me (complete rubbish, but sound convincing), and I'm sure he's planning his next attack, rather than considering what's been said about him and trying to change his behaviour. It's never his fault - and usually mine.
Anyway, I'm due to hear from a Social Worker sometime soon, and the Panel will review the case. Maybe things will be clearer after that, but just now i feel in limbo, and don't know if i need to involve a lawyer, or just trust a social worker I've not even met yet.
And he resigned from work last month to avoid paying maintenance for the children.
And we're trying to sell the family home just now, and after a year on the market, got an ok offer yesterday which i want to accept, but he doesn't. I'm desperate to sell and be able to buy a little place of our own, and so are the boys.
And I need to change lawyer as it seems everything we've agreed between our lawyers isn't actually enforceable (maintenance, returning my property etc.), and her nice collaborative style just gets us nowhere.
I really though 2 years down the line life would be back on track, and actually if anything, there's more big stuff going on now than a year ago - though definitely that first year was the worst. Hoping this is things coming to a head and there will be some resolution, but just feeling really really stuck just now. Can't stop crying, and don't feel i can ask GP for antidepressants as social work will be looking at medical records apparently.
The boys are doing fine, and I will be too, I'm just conscious of being about to go under a microscope as we're investigated - but maybe it will draw a line under things. It's husband who the concerns are about, but he'll throw everything he can at me.
Any words of understanding or support? Feel so on my own with this. Friends have been good, but it's getting boring now, and no one really understands how difficult it is every single day.
Thanks.