My name is Jessica and I have been in an abusive marriage for 13 years. We have 3 children, 13, 10 and 6. I didn't realize how bad things were until the kids came to me and said mom, we need to leave. I approached the topic last night and asked him to leave. He is not going to do that. I am in the us and the legal system tells me to stay and not leave the house. Has anyone been trough this? He denies anything is wrong that its all me and this is "his house" I am a stay at home mom and "his electricity" and I need to be the one who leaves and I am not to take the kids. Just any support or encouragement appreciated. I fear the worst is yet to come. I slept with our 6 year old last night to "be safe".
The first thing that came to my mind- shelter. You can call the domestic violence shelter while he is at work and ask for free legal and also practical advice. They can tell you what the laws in your state are, what your rights are and how you can go safe about leaving.
But...listen to your gut. If you feel your kids or you are in danger- you can always call the police to help you in case of an emergency...cover your tracks by not leaving a history in your browser on the computer if you have not already done that and ensure he is gone when you call for legal advice.
Child protective services can also assist I bet- if the kids are in physical danger and scared of him i am sure there is a way he will be forced to leave your house and you can change locks and stay alone with your kids. Question is, maybe youd even feel saver leaving that house too...
we are here to listen and help if youd like...and we understand. stay strong, listen to what your instincts as a mother tell you and you know his ways to control and abuse you the best. And thats your advantage to get out....you identified the beast and can now gather your strength to walk out.
I agree with Janine; contact the DV shelter while he is away. If you must, go to a pay phone and use it so that he cannot track your calls. It is imperative that these abusers do not know what you are doing. Keep the power.
And, he is using the children to abuse you, to wield power over you; that's abuse in itself. He will tell you anything to stay in control. If you were just "separating" for the good of the both of you and the kids, he would be working "with" you to make the transition as easy as possible for everyone, not threatening you.