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Post by crystal on Dec 29, 2013 13:37:46 GMT
For the first time in ages, I had a nightmare about my ex-abuser last night. I was back in Dubai with him and for part of the time I seemed quite happy about this and then it ended like they always do with me trying to escape. Its left me a bit shaken up and just don't understand why all of a sudden he has come back into my dreams. Not sure what else to say just wanted to post somewhere safe. Will be going out soon to see family so hopefully that will help. Sometimes the after effects of all the abuse seem never ending.
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Post by Janine 1984 on Dec 29, 2013 15:42:58 GMT
Hey you....ah the nightmares are bad. I had them too - years after I had left and moved far from the abusive guy too. And every time he was chasing me in my nightmares. Then one night I went to bed and told myself if I dream of him again, ill stand up to him and its MY head and MY dream. And I did...I told him to his face he has no longer power over me and wont run anymore. It took time though...and every night I had a nightmare id wake up all confused and it took sometimes all day to get over it completely....is maybe the "anniversary" of something coming up that reminds you unconsciously of one of his serious attacks or so? I have that each year around the time I ran away from my ex. I cry a lot then and let out the rest of stress thats stored inside my body from that experience...
itll get better with time and you can also consult a therapist if you feel like maybe some more professional support would help. I did that for a few months and it was amazing how much my therapist helped me to gain back empowerment and help me...to help myself.
hang in there, you are not alone with those dreams...
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Post by crystal on Dec 29, 2013 20:09:36 GMT
Thank you Janine for your reply. It helps a lot to know someone else has gone through the similar nightmares even when I have been out for some time. I will try what you have done and see if it helps me. Christmas and New Year were always trigger points for some of the abuse. He first began hitting me black and blue just before Christmas in Dubai three months after we married although we had been together for six years before and I didn't recognise the abuse at all.
Thank you again, knowing I am not alone helps
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Post by Janine 1984 on Dec 29, 2013 21:22:01 GMT
It does sound like Christmas is an intense time for most people who experienced abuse. It's the time of the year you look back to and often abusers try to take away the pleasure out of the ONE time in our society where usually even the worst people pull it together for a few days to create some sense of "sacred" time. The nightmares occur less in my life when I am busy and since I stood up for myself in my dream I felt like the empowerment I learned in therapy intellectually finally had reached my entire body. You are not alone....and we are always here for those moments. People outside of this community I find have a hard time understanding what is involved in domestic violence and what you carry with you in daily life.
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Post by theresa on Dec 30, 2013 22:25:17 GMT
I too still have nightmares 2 1/2 years out. Sometimes, they play out like our relationship... everything is perfect, and then he starts acting like an ass. Perhaps, however, the worst ones (about 95% of them) are those in which we are really happy, he is not abusive, and life is great. Then, I wake up. So, the waking up is the hard part, not the nightmare.
I mentioned this on the old board several times, but I found that EMDR really helped with terrifying nightmares. After both my parents died in quick succession under difficult circumstances, I was having nightmares of hands reaching through the earth to grab me and various other lovely things. I went for about 5 sessions, but the nightmares stopped almost immediately.
That's a good point about Christmas, Janine. And it is so true that others who have never had the burden of being abused, just don't get it.
Theresa
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Post by HH Lindsey on Dec 31, 2013 5:25:24 GMT
HI Theresa, could explain what EMTR actually is and how it works? Thanks.
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Post by theresa on Dec 31, 2013 17:53:16 GMT
EMDR is a treatment that was first used for another purpose but was found to be useful for people who were traumatized. The therapist either alternately taps your knees (your eyes are closed) or moves his/her hand back and forth in front of your face (your eyes follow) like a windshield wiper as you go back to a time in the past. You stay in that moment until you feel calm and then the therapist brings you "out." My therapist did not take me back to a traumatic time as many do, just a time in the past, which she claimed would have the same effect, and she was right. She used the tapping method and she asked me questions about what was happening. As we progressed, we went back to more traumatic situations that I thought I could handle. When she saw my body relax, then she brought me out. The EMDR helps the amygdala sort experiences and kind of file them so that you see them from an unemotional, more objective perspective. Apparently, once you sort one event, the others tend to get filed into the objective file too. You go into this... well... I remember that happened, but the strong emotion attached to it is gone. emdr.com/general-information/what-is-emdr.htmlTheresa
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